


feral

by bertererei



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Background Reiner x Historia, Crossdressing, Feral!Eren, Implied Past Relationships, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Slow Build, Suicidal Thoughts, Teen Pregnancy, discrimination against Eldians
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-07-31 10:27:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 41,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20113600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bertererei/pseuds/bertererei
Summary: Manga Spoilers. Please be warned.------The feral boy that the Warriors bring home is probably the closest thing to a devil that Porco would ever meet.But to that child, they were probably entities worse than devils.





	1. let me sleep

**Author's Note:**

> Lord help me, I'm back on my bullshit.
> 
> This is Canon Divergent from season 2, in which Zeke shows up in time to save Reiner, Bertolt (who has Eren), and Ymir (who has Historia) from the Survey Corps and the mass of titans Erwin brings (aka near the end of Clash of Titans Arc). Although this is the premises, the entire story will take place in Liberio after the Warriors return home. 
> 
> That said, this has spoilers for the manga. If you know Zeke’s backstory, then you’ll be fine.
> 
> Warnings for the entire story: Slow build Porco x Eren (Yes, this is end game). Canon divergent. Manga spoilers. Feral!Eren. Discrimination against Eldians. Unnecessary gruesome violence. Multiple character deaths (a lot of them implied gruesome). Teen pregnancy. Background Reiner x Historia (but not in a good way). Crossdressing. Past Bertolt x Eren. Implied past Reiner x Eren. Suicidal Thoughts.
> 
> Please note that if you read my other work "to slay a god" and found that to be too much (especially if you found Kenny to be too much), this story will also be too much. It has about similar level of bullshit. 
> 
> This entire story was inspired by the song "The Wisp Sings" by Winter Aid. The chapter titles are all from the lyrics.

“Heroes,” they are called.

Despite the fact that they abandoned Annie and Marcel, they’re celebrated as “heroes” that returned home after a long but successful mission.

The parade is grand. 

Or at least Porco thinks it must be since he can hear it all the way from his room. He opted to not go. Why should he? Everyone’s so damned busy screaming and cheering about victory and heroes, but all Porco wants to do is mourn the loss of his brother.

He’ll probably be called in tomorrow to be part of the debrief even though he had no choice over anything that happened. Damn it. Can’t they just continue to leave him out of everything?

Just leave him alone in this room like they did five years ago when they first left for this mission.

*

“T-this is… uh… This is Ymir. She’s the current holder of the Jaw Titan,” Reiner says as he glances nervously at Porco’s face.

It takes everything he has to not fly off in rage. It takes every ounce of control that Porco has built up over the past five years to keep his face neutral. He knows he’s being pretty impressive from the shocked expression on Colt’s face. 

The girl glances between Reiner and Porco with a knowing look. She doesn’t offer her hand or anything to Porco. Instead, she just quietly says, “I’m sorry.”

There’s a blonde girl holding her hand as if this “Ymir” is the one who needs to be comforted when Porco’s the one with a dead brother. According to Reiner’s introduction, she’s Historia Reiss, someone of royal blood. Porco doesn’t know what that means in the grand scheme of things, but if she’s of royal blood, doesn’t that mean she’s the holder of the Founding Titan?

“No,” Bertolt says when Porco asks to change the topic.

He has his head in his hands, looking quite like a tragic figure when he’s the one who made the choice to come back after deciding to leave Annie behind. Granted, it’s possible that Annie was killed. Or maybe she defected. Porco doesn’t know the full story about that yet. They haven’t briefed him all the little details (that’ll probably come later when they report to Marley). But he knows that if he had been there as the Armored Titan, this “Ymir” would have long been dead for thinking she can get away with killing Marcel.

“Okay, then where’s the Founding Titan?”

All four of them pale and can’t meet Porco’s eyes. So he turns to glance at Pieck and Zeke for answers. 

Pieck looks tired. Like she saw too much and it’ll take her years before she can work past whatever happened. Zeke doesn’t look any better. In fact, this is probably the most distressed Porco has ever seen this man be.

For returning heroes from a successful mission, they all look like they’ve lost too much.

“The holder of the Founding Titan… Eren is in the other room.”

*

The first thing Porco notes is the smell. 

An acute scent of iron is thick in the air. But Porco doesn’t associate it with blood until he sees the boy.

The boy is about Porco’s age. 

Their similarity ends there.

Brightest of blazing green of the boy’s eyes feels like they’re piercing Porco, pinning him to the spot. The intensity of that color drowns out even the blood covering him. And it’s not until Porco tears himself away from those eyes that he finally takes in everything else.

The boy is inside of a cage, but he’s also been restrained on top of that. His arms are tied behind his back. His body has been weighted down with chains and lumps of steel for weights, probably to keep him as still as possible. His mouth is gagged, but Porco feels like he can faintly hear a low growl. 

When Porco entered the room, the boy’s head snapped up towards his direction. And now those accusing green eyes are locked on Porco’s every movement as Porco slowly walks into the room to let the others in.

“I-is that uh… b-blood…?” Porco hears Colt ask from behind him. 

“It’s not his,” is Bertolt’s faint response.

Good. That’s a good thing.

It means that the boy in front of them won’t suddenly shift into his titan. But Porco can’t help but to find Bertolt’s words terrifying. The boy is splotched with blood all over himself. Just how many people did he hurt…? Because if he hadn’t, not only would he not be covered in blood but he also wouldn’t be restrained to this degree. 

Zeke moves right next to the cage and squats down to be on eye-level with the boy. Seeing that, the boy mercifully looks away from Porco to Zeke. It seems that only his head is free to move like this due to the chains.

“This is my little brother, Eren Jaeger,” Zeke says softly.

There is no flash of compassion or warmth in the boy’s eyes. There’s nothing but pure hatred as the low growl gets louder.

“Y-your… b-brother, War Chief?” Porco asks, trying to wrap his mind around such a foreign concept.

The boy tries to move closer towards Zeke, but the chains and the weights prevent him. All Porco sees is the way those green eyes burn as the boy glares at Zeke. The chains clank and rustle, and Porco honestly fears that the boy might be able to snap those from their hinges.

“It seems my foolish father managed to escape the jaws of death for another attempt to bite back at the hands that fed him. This poor child is the result of that. He can’t understand any language nor can he communicate with anything but violence.”

Zeke touches the bars of the cage, staring at the growling boy with compassion that Porco doesn’t expect. What happened for their usually cold War Chief to look this empathetic?

“When we didn’t restrain him like this, he sent an army of pure titans after us without any remorse. Truly… he embodies the title ‘Eldian Devil of the Walls.’”

A “devil,” huh? 

Porco sees it.

The intensity of hatred and anger in those eyes. The blood-soaked form. The way the boy struggles against his restraints with almost single-minded purpose. The low growl that seems to only be interrupted by small intake of breaths. The heavy chains and weights rattling like they’re being forced past their limits.

This is probably the closest thing to a real devil that Porco will ever see.

“W-well, at least we can pass the Founding Titan on to someone who can actually use it.”

Porco realizes that he must have said the wrong thing from the way everyone is looking at him. No, not quite. It’s not him they’re looking at. Zeke is looking at him with his calculated coldness Porco is more than used to. But everyone else (minus Colt, who looks as lost as Porco) is fearfully looking at Zeke.

There’s something more to this story that no one is saying. Rather, they’re too scared of Zeke to say.

Are they planning on lying on the official report to protect whatever it is that Zeke wants?

“Only those of royal blood can control the Founding Titan,” Zeke says. “Even if we pass it on to someone else, it’ll be a power that cannot be used.”

Suddenly, it clicks.

Porco turns towards Historia who is being protected by Ymir’s arms around her. That’s why she is needed here.

That’s why this is a victory, even if it’ll take some time for the fruits of their labor to bear. 

“S-so Eren here is of royal blood?” Colt asks.

Zeke looks away from the cage at Colt with a small nod. “That would be my guess, yes. But since he can’t talk, it’s hard to tell what the truth actually is.”

There’s something about the way the other returnees look that bothers Porco. But he doesn’t actually care all that much about Zeke’s family background to ask for more information.

*

He hates the fact that he has to be present for the verbal report. In case they forgot, he wasn’t there. Why the hell is he even included in this?

But Colt is here, too. So Porco doesn’t feel justified in complaining more than once. 

He is forced to stand there and listen to the report of how Marcel was eaten by Ymir almost as soon as they arrived on the island. How Annie, Bertolt, and Reiner decided to continue on with the mission for the “greater good.” How they snuck inside of the walls and joined the military. How, after long years of earning trust, they located Eren Jaeger, hidden away deep within the walls. How they lost Annie to another monster by the name of “Ackerman.” How this Ymir and Historia betrayed their side with the acknowledgement that there is nothing left for those within the walls. And how, thanks to good timing, Zeke and Pieck arrived to aid in their rescue from Ackerman and his men.

“That is everything that transpired,” Reiner concludes.

Commander Magath nods. “And in your opinion, is Eren Jaeger someone we should invest in?”

The expression on Reiner’s face looks like he’s reliving something horrifying. It makes Porco infinitely curious, but he will never ask. He absolutely refuses to make it look like he might care even just a little bit for Reiner.

“E-Eren is… If I can just talk to him, I can make him understand.”

Porco glances at the others. 

Colt looks like he’s nervous from just standing in the room, so let’s put him to the side for now. Zeke’s expression is much too neutral to read anything of it. Bertolt looks disbelievingly at Reiner. It’s clear that Bertolt disagrees with how Reiner feels. Ymir has a look of pity on her face. She doesn’t seem to believe Reiner either. Historia looks like she wants to be hopeful but has seen too much of the world to put any stock in Reiner’s words. Even Pieck looks like she doesn’t believe Reiner can do it at all. 

Well, Porco supposes he understands where they’re all coming from. Talk? To someone who doesn’t understand their language? And how does Reiner plan to do that exactly? Besides, if he could truly “talk” to a feral child, then wouldn’t he have already done that on his trip here?

“Do you plan on teaching him our language?” Magath asks.

After a moment’s hesitation, Reiner nods firmly. “I will.”

“You shouldn’t be anywhere near him!” Bertolt blurts out.

Everyone turns curiously towards Bertolt, who doesn’t seem to notice them. He continues to look disbelievingly at Reiner. His hands are clenched into fists, and he seems to be trembling slightly. Is he angry? Is he anxious? Porco can’t figure out what that expression on Bertolt’s face is. He gets an inkling of feeling that Bertolt probably doesn’t know himself what it is that he’s feeling.

“Reiner, y-you’re… and he’s… It’s for the best that neither of you are in close proximity for long.”

“And why is that, Bertolt?” Magath asks, his voice sharp.

Bertolt seems to have realized his mistake of blurting things out. He quickly tries to backtrack and ends up stuttering and stammering.

“It’s because Reiner keeps falling for Eren’s traps,” Ymir says, rescuing Bertolt without glancing at him. “Any time Eren seems to behave for a bit, Reiner thinks he’s on our side, and Eren takes advantage of that. We almost lost the guy a few times because of it.”

But that can’t be the whole story. If it was, Bertolt wouldn’t have hesitated so much to say it. 

“Alright. Then who would you say is the best person to teach Eren?” Magath asks them. He doesn’t believe them. There’s no way that he can. But it seems he’s willing to overlook it for now.

All of a sudden, no one seems to be able to speak.

Porco rolls his eyes. “Leave it to me,” he says.

They all look surprised at him. He doesn’t get why. He’s a pretty damn good teacher, if he can say so himself. How else would Colt now be at (almost) equal standing with the rest of them?

“You’ll need the shifters for war efforts, so they won’t be too useful in being consistently by to teach. Colt looks like he’s too terrified to go back to that room. Historia… No offense, but I don’t trust you.”

“None taken. I’d be seriously worried if you did trust me,” Historia tells him with a small grin.

“So that leaves just me,” Porco concludes.

Magath begins to slowly nod when Pieck opens her mouth.

“But Pock, are you smart enough to teach?”

“H-hah?! Is that seriously the first thing you ask me after you return?!”

Pieck giggles. “I kid! I kid! Commander, I also believe that Porco will be the best teacher.”

And nervously, Colt adds, “He’s been helping me so I can improve, too. He is a good choice for this.”

And with both Pieck and Colt backing him up, it’s only a matter of time before the rest of them all voice their agreement. 

Magath nods.

“Alright. I’ll leave it to you then, Galliard.”

*

Porco falls asleep that night to intense green eyes and the sound of straining chains.

*

Eren’s eyes are locked onto him when Porco walks into the room with a tray of food. 

According to Bertolt, Eren will most definitely ignore any attempts to be fed and will try to use the food against Porco, so this is moot. Porco shouldn’t waste food by trying to feed him.

“He’s a shifter, so it’s fine to let him starve for a bit. In fact, he might actually listen to you better if you do that,” Ymir suggested even though Porco didn’t ask.

It’s not because they suggested that that Porco decided to show up with food, by the way. He’s not that petty.

He just… thinks that this is kind of excessive. 

Is there really a need to chain this boy down so much that he can barely move? Even though they call this boy a devil, the ones who restrained him to this point and talked about starving him (and now that Porco thinks about it, can the boy even use the restroom with how much he’s been restrained? What about cleaning himself?) are them. Wouldn’t the reason why the boy is being so violent towards them because he considers them the devils?

Porco puts the tray down on the ground and holds his hands up so that Eren can see that he doesn’t mean any harm.

“I’m going to approach the cage,” Porco says slowly.

Then he takes a step towards the cage, moving slowly enough so that Eren can see exactly what Porco’s intention is. So far, so good. Eren looks like he’s curious to see what Porco’s doing, but it doesn’t look like he’s going to get violent just yet. So Porco continues until he gets to the cage.

“I want to remove your gag,” Porco tells him. And to make sure that Eren understands, Porco touches his own mouth and then motions at Eren.

The boy tilts his head to the side. Porco can’t tell if he understands or not.

Figuring he might as well as just go for it, Porco slowly reaches inside of the cage. The cage is just big enough to possibly hold a big dog. It’s not meant to hold a human, no matter how small. If not for the chains and weights forcing Eren still, he probably would not be able to get comfortable inside of this cage no matter how he twists and turns. Then again, he probably isn't comfortable like this either.

Porco’s hand touches the gag. “I’m going to remove this,” he repeats to Eren.

Then he does exactly as he promised. 

Eren looks astonished. He opens and closes his mouth, trying to get his muscles to work again. His eyes are bright, and Porco finds himself wishing he could undo the rest of the chains. Because look. Look how calm Eren is. If they can both be comfortable, wouldn’t teaching him language be a lot easier?

Porco relaxes and pulls his hands-

Eren bites down.

Sharp pain shoots up Porco’s hand. He doesn’t realize that he’s yelled out until the door to the room opens and Zeke runs in with Reiner and Bertolt close behind him. For Porco, time feels like it has frozen. His eyes are locked into Eren’s vindictive green eyes. The pain in his hand hurts, yes. But he’s too ashamed of his own foolishness to feel it properly.

“E-Eren, let go!” Reiner yells. He runs to the other side of the cage, making enough of noise that Eren releases Porco’s hand to snarl at Reiner.

Porco pulls himself to safety, staring in disbelief as Eren spits Porco’s blood at Reiner. Reiner looks anguished. But Porco gets the feeling it’s not because of the blood on his pant leg.

A devil, they had said. Why didn’t Porco believe them? Why had he so naively thought that he could make this devil see reason?

“Those restraints are there to protect you,” Zeke tells Porco heavily. “You shouldn’t undo them so easily.”

“I… t-thought he might be hungry,” Porco admits as he tries to stop his hand from bleeding. How hard did Eren bite down to draw blood? And why does Porco feel so numb?

Zeke looks at Porco with a soft look that he doesn’t know how to read. He’s much more used to the poker- faced War Chief who keeps all his thoughts close to his chest.

“He probably is. But it’s safer for all of us to keep him silent.”

With that, Zeke takes the gag from Porco and approaches the cage. Instead of risking his hand by putting it in the cage, he passes the gag to Bertolt.

“Eren, we're going to gag you again. You can eat when you stop biting people."

Bertolt takes a small breath and accepts the gag. Reiner looks like he wants to protest, but his words quickly die out when he sees the expressions on Bertolt and Zeke’s faces. Looking humiliated, Reiner hangs his head.

Porco imagines it hurts a lot to force that gag back on Eren when Eren is not only thrashing but also biting as hard as he can.

The difference is that Bertolt can heal all damage within seconds.

Porco can’t.

*

He learns his lesson enough to not risk getting near Eren’s gag or offer food. But he is not deterred from coming back into the room with the cage to teach.

Porco supposes this is what people mean when they say that he’s stupidly headstrong.

“This is a children’s book that we read to kids,” Porco tells Eren as he holds up a picture book from his bag. “Today, we’re going to start with this.”

He settles in front of the cage and holds the book up so that Eren can see the illustrations. This is how Marcel used to help Porco when they were much younger. They would put the book between themselves, and Marcel would point at each word and read it slowly for Porco. But already, that’s a story from a long time ago. One of the rare memories that Porco has to remember his brother by before the whole Warrior business tore their family apart.

It seems that he remembers this book more clearly than he first gave himself credit for. He barely has to look at the words to remember Marcel’s voice reading it. 

His own voice seems to erase away Marcel’s as he reads. His finger traces after the spots his brother’s has been. Belatedly, he realizes that he shouldn’t have chosen a book so close to his heart, to his past. Because now, isn’t he just chasing out the precious few bits of Marcel left in his life?

He hopes Eren doesn’t realize the reason he’s reading so slowly is to stop his voice from breaking.

*

“You bastard! You fucking bastard!”

Porco glances up from the newest picture book when he hears that shout through the closed door. He looks at Eren, whose eyes are locked on the door. Clearly, his student is more interested in that shout than him. It should be fine to pause for a break.

He walks to the door and peers out.

Ymir grips the front of Reiner's shirt and shakes it. "Did you know about this? You did, didn't you? And you fucking dared to promise me?"

"What other choice did I have?" Reiner growls.

Ymir slowly releases Reiner, laughing slowly. "Oh, I see. Eren was right. That fucking shithead was right this entire time, wasn’t he? You should've died, Reiner. I should've eaten you instead of Marcel."

"I know you're upset, but I will keep my promise. Historia will be safe."

Porco figures their fight isn't his problem and returns to the room. Eren looks to him curiously as if he wants to know what’s happening, even if he can’t understand Porco’s words.

Well, it’s good to be immersed in the language you’re trying to learn.

“I’m not sure if you remember them. But Reiner and Ymir are fighting outside. Looks like she finally figured out that that guy can’t be trusted.”

Eren tilts his head to the side as if trying to figure out what those words mean. Porco honestly wishes that he can read minds, because he wants to know. Does Eren understand? Which part does he get? Which part doesn’t he? What does he think about all this? 

Would he bite Porco again if he tries to take the gag off?

“Let’s get back to the story,” Porco says instead.

There's no sign of understanding in those green eyes. Despite that, Porco picks up the picture book again and sits down in front of the cage. Eren doesn't look away. He looks at Porco, watching him more so than paying attention to the story. Not that Porco can fault him. This must be so boring for someone who can't understand.

How do you teach someone language to communicate?

*

Something big has happened that he must have completely snoozed through. 

Magath calls him to his office for a private talk, and Porco finds himself mentally recounting anything he has done recently that can get him in trouble.

"It's about the matter of the Jaw Titan. Since your brother held it before, we believe that you will be the best candidate to inherit it next."

Porco recalls Ymir yelling at Reiner yesterday in the hallway. Is this why? Because the higher ups decided to get rid of her, since she couldn’t be trusted? How silly. She betrayed the people of Paradis to come here. Of course, no one can trust her. What did she think would happen? 

"I understand."

*

Ymir looks tired. She has been chained down, and Porco can't help but to think that he's glad that it's her and not his brother. If he had ended up inheriting this power from his brother, he thinks he would have ended up hating himself. But now, he can look at her as his brother's murderer.

And that's a thousand times easier than the alternative.

"Hey," Porco calls to her. "No hard feelings, right?"

She glares at him but seems to have accepted her fate.

*

When Porco stops by Eren’s room in the afternoon after his inheritance, he is surprised to see Bertolt curled up in front of the cage. Is he asleep? Well, this place is pretty quiet, even when Eren is struggling against the chains and weights. It probably is one of the best places to nap if you ignore the scent of blood.

“What are you doing here?” he asks as he lightly kicks Bertolt.

Eren watches them with wariness as if he’s tired. Doesn’t he feel happy to see Porco? Or is that too selfish of him to wish? But Porco thought with how many days it's been with Porco reading book after book, Eren would start to warm up to him.

Bertolt’s head snaps up and stares up at Porco with tear-filled eyes. 

Not sleeping then. 

Crying.

“S-sorry,” Bertolt stammers. “I-I thought you’d go home after… after…” 

Can’t finish the sentence, huh? It didn’t seem Bertolt was all that close to Ymir, but Porco supposes that they all worked together to escape from the island. 

“Are you upset that I ate her?” he asks.

He can’t help the scowl on his face. He can’t stop the growl in his voice. He can’t help the anger that flares at this damned idiot who dared to show sadness for the person who murdered Marcel.

“No. I… I knew. I-I mean, this made the most sense. The Jaw Titan will be returned. It has to be returned. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be fair to you.”

There’s nothing fair about inheriting a titan. Absolutely nothing fair about eating another person to gain it, even if that person killed his brother. But Bertolt probably knows that even without Porco pointing it out.

“I… guess a part of me is sad that she’s gone. But we were never all that close to begin with. Haha… thinking like that probably makes me the worst.”

Porco sighs and sits down next to Bertolt. Eren seems to have gotten bored of the conversation as he nods off to sleep. If he’s feeling tired, maybe Porco should wait to have their lesson? 

“Have you seen… her memories?” Bertolt asks Porco, looking anxious.

“Just a few things about that Historia girl. Otherwise, it’s been pretty quiet.”

Bertolt nods slowly. “Even if you see everything, please pretend to not have seen it.”

Porco did think their report was fishy. So there was more to the report than what they said, huh?

“Why don’t you just tell me the truth now?” he asks.

“It’s too terrifying to put into words.”

The sound of the chains straining catches both of their attention. They turn to look at Eren, whose eyes are wide awake. He glares at Bertolt as he tries to free himself from the bounds holding him down. Did he react like that to what Bertolt said…? But he can’t understand language, can he?

Actually, if what Bertolt is saying is true, then isn’t it also possible that they lied about how much Eren can understand?

Then the only reason why Eren is bounded and gagged is because he refused to go along with their story?

“Then why the hell should I side with you?” Porco growls. 

Bertolt’s smile doesn’t have any mirth in it. “It’ll be for the best that you don’t. I don’t think we should be forgiven for what we did… Right, Eren?”

The only answer he receives is the rattles of the chains and weights as Eren struggles. But Bertolt looks awfully comforted by that.

“Even if you can’t understand me anymore, please don’t let that hate fade away. Keep your promise and kill me.”

He leaves after saying such mysterious things.

When Porco turns to look at Eren, Eren is crying. The hate and anger from before is gone, replaced by grief. His green eyes are cloudy as tears streak down his bloodied face. Just a bit, he looks so damned young that it makes Porco’s heart ache.

He doesn’t realize that he’s moved until Eren’s green eyes lock onto him.

Then his brain finally registers that his hands are against Eren’s cheeks, wiping those tears away. He pulls his hands out of the cage as fast as he can, recalling the sting of Eren’s bite last time. And as soon as his hands are safe, he remembers that Eren has his gag on. There’s no need to worry about being bitten. 

Porco doesn’t understand himself.

“Y-you’re probably not in the mood for lessons today. I’ll just… go home for today.”

The chains strain as Eren tries to move. But as always, he’s forbidden from moving anything but his head. Those green eyes are locked onto Porco, and it seems like they’re earnestly pleading for something. 

But Porco isn’t a mind reader.

He doesn’t know what Eren wants.

“I’ll… see you tomorrow.”

He pretends he can’t see Eren’s expression as he runs out of the room.

*

Eren is asleep when Porco walks in the next day. 

And it’s something that he’s thought of before, but that must be so uncomfortable. To be forbidden from moving from that spot by all those chains and weights. Being forbidden from eating or drinking or washing or even using the bathroom. How badly must his muscles cramp? How badly must he want to stretch, even if it’s just for few seconds?

If he wasn’t a monster with titan shifting abilities, Eren probably would be dead by now.

“Hey, morning,” Porco calls softly.

There’s a small shift of movement before Eren’s eyes snap open. Immediately, he lets out a low growl and glares around the room…

Until he sees Porco.

Then he pauses.

Then he tilts his head as if staring at a puzzle piece that doesn’t belong.

“I brought another picture book,” Porco explains. 

He sits down in front of the cage, directly in line of sight of Eren. Then from his bag, he pulls out another picture book. Eren’s eyes are not on the book. They’re locked onto Porco.

Pretending that he can’t feel that intense gaze, Porco begins to read.

*

“H-huh?”

He doesn’t know why it catches him so off-guard. 

This makes sense. Of course, it makes sense. 

He is a Warrior. And now that he has a titan ability, it’s expected of him to go out and fight. They’ll first test him. Make him use his titan again and again until it becomes second nature. Then he’ll be sent off to the battlefield like the rest of them.

He has to leave Eren alone in that room until he’s done.

Colt looks shocked at Porco’s request.

“I-I know you don’t like that room. And I’m not saying you need to read to him or anything. Just… peek in there and say hello, you know?”

“Y-yeah. I don’t mind,” Colt tells him. He smooths over his shock with a smile. “I just didn’t think you’d become so attached.”

“Attached? To what?” Porco asks.

Colt blinks. “Uh…? T-to Eren? I mean… you’re asking me to check in on him, you know? I… t-thought that meant that you care…?”

And damn it.

Pieck had always teased Porco that he was dim-witted when it came to his own feelings. But he didn’t think Colt would be the one to point it out to him like this.

He feels his cheeks redden as he covers his mouth.

“O-oh. I… c-care about Eren, huh?” he mumbles.

It takes everything he has to not snap when he hears Colt’s soft laughter.

“Don’t worry. I’ll look after him.”

*

Of course, Porco makes sure to say goodbye properly to Eren. It wouldn’t be fair to Colt to have to explain where Porco is to Eren, especially when Eren doesn't understand anything.

The green eyes remain tracking him and every movement he makes as Porco sits in front of Eren without reaching for a picture book.

“I’m leaving,” he says.

There’s no sign that Eren heard nor understands those words.

“I’ll be back. Don’t worry… Not that you’ll probably worry, huh? You won’t even notice that I’m gone. Haaa… That somehow makes me really sad, you know. What the hell am I saying? I’m the one who ended up getting attached without your permission.”

Porco smiles at Eren, but all he receives is that intense stare as always.

“Eren, I asked Colt to stop by to check on you. So at the very least, I don’t think you’ll be too lonely. It… will make me happy if you missed me, even if it’s just a bit.”

But he supposes that’s a rude thing to ask someone they’ve kept trapped in a cage.

There’s a small pause before Eren tries to struggle against the chains and weights again. He looks desperate about something. Like there’s something he needs to do. Green eyes meet Porco’s in yet another attempt at a desperate plea.

And this time, Porco doesn’t run.

He hesitantly puts his hands inside the cage again. Seeing that, Eren stills. With wide, hopeful eyes, Eren looks to Porco and waits.

“D-don’t bite me this time, okay?”

The gag comes off with a bit of an effort. Porco isn’t sure if that’s his own nerves messing him up. As soon as it’s off, he quickly pulls his hands away so that Eren won’t even be tempted to bite him.

But it seems he didn’t have to worry.

Because after moving his jaw open and close for a bit and clearing his throat, Eren turns to Porco with an awkward smile.

“C-come back… s-safely.”

Before he knows it, Porco’s hands are inside of the cage again. Before he knows it, his hands are gently holding Eren’s cheeks. Before he knows it, his heart is going crazy in his chest.

Is that a blush on Eren’s cheeks or is it just the blood that Porco’s mistaking? But Eren’s gaze seems soft somehow. Eren tilts his head, leaning into Porco’s touch.

“I…” 

Porco doesn’t know what else to say. He doesn’t know what else to do. He thinks he wants to ask Eren why he didn’t speak until now. He thinks he wants to ask everything he can to know about Eren. He thinks he wants to rip the rest of the restraints off of Eren and free him from this humiliating cage. But it feels like he suddenly can’t remember how to move, how to speak, how to even breath.

The two of them stay like that in absolute silence.


	2. i am tired of my grief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update because why not?

“Looks like those two are at it again, huh?”

Ymir followed Krista’s gaze towards Jean and Eren. The two had each other by the front of their shirts, yelling bunch of nonsense as they always did. 

“Is watching them fun?” Ymir asked.

Krista giggled. “They make dinners so lively.”

Just in time, Reiner stepped between the two and pulled them apart, scolding them. But something must have not settled right with Eren because he yelled Reiner for once. Ymir glanced at Krista, who stopped giggling.

“Oh. It looks serious this time.”

Everyone watched nervously, fearful of what might happen. But Reiner seemed to just take it all in good stride. He crossed his arms in front of himself, nodding seriously to what Eren was saying. Then…

He grabbed Eren and threw him over his shoulder, laughing brightly.

“You’re going to end up with a full head of white at this rate, Eren! Relax! You’re among friends. If things go bad, we’ll protect each other.”

Eren’s face turned red as he yelled out in protest. But the good mood was back, thanks to Reiner’s effort. 

Ymir sniggered. “They’re all such idiots!”

*

Porco’s head hurts.

No, that’s not true.

His head isn’t the only thing that hurts. Everything throbs and aches. It’s just that the pain in his head is the worst, feeling quite like he’s being ripped apart. 

There’s someone yelling. He’s faintly aware of that.

He wishes that they’d just shut up. His head is throbbing-

“Porco? C-can you hear me? Hang in there!”

Ugh. Shut up, Reiner. Can’t he see just how much pain Porco is in? And unlike fucking Reiner, Porco can’t just magically heal this all away…

Wait. 

That’s not true anymore.

He is now the holder of the Jaw Titan. That’s right.

He got this by eating Ymir, whose memory he thinks he just saw. 

It’s been three months since he received this power. He has yet to see any of his brother’s memories, but he’s starting to see Ymir’s. And as Bertolt has warned him to, he has been keeping them a secret.

He was sent out after he completed his training within the first month to join the other Warriors to take over this fortress. Just recently, his titan’s head was blown off. From the looks of things, someone took him out of his titan’s nape and brought him to medical to heal.

Great. He thinks he has all of his memories back now.

“Reiner,” he slurs out. “Shut the fuck up.”

*

“I wonder how Historia is doing. She hasn’t responded to any of the letters I sent,” Reiner says as he stares out the window.

“She sounded fine,” Zeke informs him while munching on Porco’s sandwich. 

If Zeke wasn’t their War Chief and Porco wasn’t too busy healing, he would most definitely demand his food back. Bertolt seems to understand what Porco’s glare means, though, because he tries to stop Zeke. The keyword, of course, is try. And Porco gets that Bertolt’s a shy guy to begin with, but this is all kinds of pathetic to watch.

“She’s probably busy with her garden,” Pieck says lightly. But her smile is tense. She doesn’t like what’s going on with Historia.

Not that Porco can blame her. He doesn’t like it much, either. But it is what it is.

“That was really nice of the higher ups to grant her that much,” Reiner says.

Nice… huh? 

What a barbaric way to phrase it. She’s under house arrest with medical staff constantly poking and prodding her pregnant body. From the way Pieck described it, it sounds like they’re keeping the fact that Ymir is dead a secret from Historia. And instead, they told her that if Historia can provide healthy children with royal blood for the Marley, they’ll be reunited.

And for that off-chance of “seeing” Ymir again, Historia agreed to give up the rights to her own body to Marley.

Granting her a garden is a cheap price for this dirty feeling.

“A-at least Eren sounds like he’s doing well,” Bertolt says, clearly trying to change the topic.

According to Colt’s letters, the stench from Eren’s room was starting to seep everywhere else. So the higher ups decided to clean him and move him. Colt didn’t get into detail about it, but Porco imagines it was a hard fight against Eren’s vicious green eyes and his refusal to obey. He doesn’t like thinking about it, but he imagines they had to hurt Eren quite a lot to keep him still.

In those moments, did Eren think about Porco? Did he think back to that quiet moment between them with Porco’s hands against Eren’s cheeks? Because Porco does. Whenever things get hard, he remembers that moment and forces himself to keep moving. 

Eren is waiting, he’ll tell himself. Eren is… 

“God, I can’t wait to go home,” Porco groans.

The others mummers their agreement. 

Eren is waiting.

*

It feels odd to be part of the victory celebration. He’s never really partaken in it, since he was very rarely sent out on missions in the first place.

He uses that as an excuse to run to Eren’s side.

*

Eren’s no longer locked in a cage. But Porco doesn’t think this can be seen as an improvement.

They locked Eren up in the underground cell they use for inheriting titans. His arms are bound to the walls on either side of him. His legs are locked into place. The gag in his mouth doesn’t seem to have changed, though. He probably has just about as much freedom to move as before. The only thing better about this is that he’s no longer completely surrounded by chains and weights, so he is more readily accessible to be cleaned. His clothing, too, looked to have been changed into something cheap and easy to remove.

Eren raises his head tiredly when Porco enters. He blinks bleary. Then it must have sunk in, because his eyes widen, and he starts tugging almost violently at the bounds holding him down.

“H-hey, calm down! I’m coming to you,” Porco tells him as he rushes up the elevated platform. 

He makes sure to squat directly in Eren’s line of sight. That seems to comfort Eren, because he slowly starts to relax.

“You miss me?”

Eren’s green eyes are locked onto him, and Porco can’t believe how much his heart seems to shudder at the sight. He can’t believe how much he wanted to see Eren again. To touch him again. To-

“Because I missed you quite terribly.”

Porco undoes Eren’s gag. As always, Eren takes a few seconds to move his mouth around and clear his throat. Then he looks to Porco with a grin that looks much too happy for someone who’s been chained in place.

“W-welcome b-back!”

Eren’s cheeks feel warm against Porco’s hand.

“I’m back.”

*

Just like last time, Eren doesn’t say anything more than those few words. Anything Porco asks to prompt him to speak are met with a cute head tilt and a look of confusion. Just like last time, Porco gives up after few more minutes of trying.

Instead, he takes out a new picture book he found while out on his mission.

“This one looked pretty interesting, so I thought you’d enjoy it.”

Eren’s lips pull into a small pout. He looks sullenly at Porco, but without him saying anything, Porco can’t understand what he wants.

“I can’t read your mind,” Porco says.

Eren opens his mouth and then pauses. It seems he doesn’t quite know what he wants to say, because he shuts it tightly with a frustrated expression. How much trouble does he have with the language? How much does he actually understand? When Porco talks, does Eren register it as more than just background noise? 

Porco puts the book bag in his bag. Eren watches his movement carefully like he always does. 

“The mission this time was to take over a fortress. It was me and the other Warriors with War Chief Zeke standing by as back up.”

This must be what Eren wanted to know, because his eyes light up and he nods as if to tell Porco to go on. It’s cuter than it has any right to be.

“The fight itself was pretty boring, you know. But since you insist on knowing about it, I guess I can tell you…”

*

Colt surprises Porco by joining him on his visit to Eren the next day.

“I’m curious to know how he acts around you,” Colt tells him with a grin.

He feels his cheeks heat up, even though he knows Colt has to be wrong. Why would Eren treat him differently? That makes no sense. Eren hates the Warriors who brought him here, since they’re the reason why he’s tied up and gagged. But everyone else? He probably cares less about them.

“I imagine he acts the same with everyone.”

But then he recalls the way Eren’s eyes lit up at the sight of Porco. The way Eren struggled against the chains when he saw that Porco was finally back. The grin on Eren’s face as he welcomed Porco back.

Is that just for Porco? Is it okay for Porco to believe that that’s just for him? That he is special to Eren?

“Did you get him any new books? I think I might have bored him with all the children’s books I’ve read him. But Falco really likes those, so I thought Eren would, too,” Colt says, mercifully taking the conversation away.

“I did, but he got annoyed at me when I tried to read him one,” Porco admits. “Wait, what else have you read him? Maybe he got mad because you already read that one to him.”

There’s a sparkle in Colt’s eyes that seem a little like he’s excited about something. Porco doesn’t get why.

“You’re such a dedicated teacher!”

Porco’s pretty sure that’s supposed to be an insult. But he can’t find any harm in it. Colt’s grinning widely like he’s happy about something. And it’s not like Colt to have malicious intent anyways. If this was Pieck, that might be a different question.

“Damn straight!”

*

Colt is right.

Eren does react differently.

His entire body tenses at the sight of Colt. His pupils dilate as he growls lowly at Colt. It seems like he’s so caught up in his anger for Colt that he doesn’t even register Porco. 

It’s… actually kind of hurtful.

Colt looks depressed, even though he tries to laugh it off. 

“He probably hates that I tricked him,” he sighs. And when Porco gives him a curious look, he expands it with, “I told him you’ll come back if he calms down enough for us to wash him.”

“How many times have you washed him?” Porco can’t help but to ask.

“Me personally? Just once. He’s been like this with me ever since.”

Colt follows Porco to the elevated platform. The two of them sit in front of Eren so that he can see exactly what the two are doing. For just a second, Eren’s eyes brighten at the sight of Porco. But then it’s quickly replaced by suspicion as he glares at Colt. Probably unsurprisingly, it seems that Eren holds grudges.

“Eren, this is my friend, Colt. We grew up here together,” Porco introduces. 

It doesn't look like Eren understands those words. So Porco reaches over and wraps an arm around Colt's shoulder to show his friendliness.  There’s a look of alarm in Eren’s eyes as he glances from Porco to Colt to back to Porco. Just how bad of an impression did Colt make for Eren to look this worried for Porco?

“You can relax. He’s not going to hurt you," Porco says, releasing Colt.

Eren’s brows furrow in clear disbelief. Porco gets the feeling that if he takes the gag off now, Eren will start yelling at Colt or bite him. But this is also a good chance to test just how well Eren can behave, right? If Eren can behave well in front of Colt, then Porco might be able to use this as the reason why he should be freed from these chains.

“H-hey! Porco, what are you doing?!” Colt yelps when he sees Porco reach for Eren’s gag.

“Exactly what it looks like.”

As always, Eren moves his mouth and clear his throat once the gag is gone. But instead of speaking or yelling or growling like Porco thought he would, Eren turns to Porco with a sullen pout.

“W-why are you mad at me for?” Porco demands. He feels strangely happy about this attention, though.

Eren opens his mouth like he wants to say something, but he closes it with a frustrated look. It seems that he still can’t find the words he want to say. Porco feels frustrated just watching him. What is it that’s bothering Eren? What are the words he’s searching for? Why the hell can’t the Jaw Titan do something more useful like reading minds?

“Hey,” Porco says, gently cupping Eren’s cheeks. “It’s okay. I’m here to help you.”

The frustration seems to ebb as Eren leans into Porco’s touch. There’s still a pout on his face, but otherwise, Eren seems to have calmed down.

“See? Nothing to get mad over,” Porco says.

Eren gives him the smallest of smiles as if he understands Porco's words.

When Porco glances over at Colt to see why he’s so quiet, he realizes that Colt is staring at the two of them wide-eyed with his hands covering his mouth. Immediately, Porco finds himself feeling defensive despite no accusation having been stated.

“W-what?” he snaps.

Hearing the unease in his voice, Eren turns sharply towards Colt. No growl, no bite. Just an unnerving glare.

Slowly, Colt pulls his hands down. “Y-you two are… uh… really close, huh?”

“I guess?” Porco says with a shrug.

He pulls his hands away from Eren, who lets out a small mumble of protest. Porco ignores it for now to pull out the usual picture book form his bag. 

“Ready for-”

“No.”

Porco’s head snaps over to Eren, who is pouting at him. Then he looks over at Colt to make sure that he didn’t imagine hearing that.

“H-he just… uh… t-t-talked?” Colt squeaks.

Okay. Cool. Eren did speak in front of someone who isn’t just Porco. And yeah, Porco kind of liked that he was the only one Eren ever spoke up in front of. But this is something that needs to be done to eventually lead to Eren being free.

“He does that. It’s usually just a word here or there. I think he understands more than he lets on, too. But… I’m never sure. Sometimes he just blurts things out and then goes back to not understanding. I’m still trying to figure it out, too.”

Colt seems to understand his silent implication without Porco saying anything more. They may not be as smart as the other Warriors, but they’ve worked together the longest. They know how to pick up on small signs from each other.

“Okay,” Colt says, nodding. “I’ll side with you. When are you going to bring it up to the Commander?”

That’s the question, isn’t it? 

Porco puts the book down and poke Eren’s pouting cheek.

“The sooner you’re out of these, the happier you’ll be, right? When the time comes, Eren, won’t you trust me?”

The green eyes don’t show any sign of understanding, but Porco feels oddly comforted by the sight of those green eyes staying trained on him.

*

What Porco doesn’t expect is Zeke’s overwhelming support. 

“You got Eren to stop biting?” is the first excited question. Quickly followed by, “And he even spoke a few words?”

“It’s just small things. He still struggles to come up with anything complicated. I don’t know if he’ll speak if we all crowd him, though,” Porco informs him. 

His worry, in actuality, has less to do with a crowd, and more to do with Zeke’s presence. Porco really doesn’t want to see Eren struggling that intensely against those chains again.

But Zeke is all but shaking with joy. “How wonderful! Porco, you truly are a great teacher!” 

“I wanted to see if I can use this to convince the Commander to let Eren out for short periods of time.”

The goal, of course, is to press the higher ups to let Eren be out completely. But he doesn’t know how quickly he can push that along. He doesn’t want to give too much at once and make Eren feel frightened by the sudden change. Not to mention a single wrong step could be seen as treason if Porco isn’t too careful. He has to balance this carefully and-

“I will support you,” Zeke tells him immediately.

Porco gets the feeling he won’t get the chance to be careful.

*

It takes Porco, Colt, and Zeke nearly a month before Magath finally relents and agrees to meet Eren to see his progress. In that time, Zeke has pestered Porco every day for Eren’s progress like some kind of a doting brother. When Colt suggested that Zeke go see Eren, their War Chief immediately backed away, citing stupid excuses to get away. 

If Porco didn’t have his hands full on trying to explain to Eren about Magath and the importance of being polite, he’d be more concerned about Zeke’s reaction.

Magath stands on the platform with Porco. Colt is staying near the ground, since it’s a small platform with not much space for movement. As Porco requested, Magath stands in front of Eren’s line of sight. 

“Eren, this is Commander Magath. You remember I talked about him, right?”

There’s not a flicker of recognition in those green eyes. It’s making Porco really nervous as he reaches for the gag. 

“Be good,” he pleads.

As always, Eren takes a second to move his jaw and clear his throat. He looks to Magath curiously but otherwise shows no sign of hostility. That’s good. That’s really good. Then Eren turns to Porco as if waiting for something.

Figuring there’s no real harm in it, Porco gently runs his fingers through Eren’s hair. “You’re doing so good. Thanks.”

Eren beams at the touch and leans in, looking quite like a satisfied cat. Porco can’t help but to grin at how cute Eren’s being today. 

“I see you’ve managed to tame him as well,” Magath says evenly.

Right. Shoot. Magath. How did he forget?

Porco quickly schools his expression to be neutral.

“Yes sir.”

“He won’t fly off the handle if you let him be?” Magath asks.

Moment of truth.

“I don’t know, sir,” Porco admits honestly. “I can’t even promise he’ll behave the minute the cuffs are off. But if he gets out of hand, I will stop him.”

Magath nods and leaves for the day. It may not seem like much, but it’s a good step forward.

“Maybe we’ll get you out of there before the year’s over,” Porco jokes.

“T-thank… you…”

There’s a light blush on Eren’s face as he shyly looks at Porco. The corners of Eren’s mouths curve up just a bit before Eren breaks into a grin. His eyes are sparkling, the green meadow of Eren’s eyes seem to shine with stars (or perhaps fireflies make more sense?).

It takes Porco a second to realize that the reason he feels so warm is because he has Eren gathered in his arms. It takes him a second longer to realize that loud drum he’s hearing is his heart. No… Not quite. There’s another that seems to be beating just as loudly. 

Oh.

Is it Eren’s?

Slowly, Porco pulls back just enough to see Eren’s flushed cheeks. Those intense green eyes seem to almost glare accusingly at him.

“I’ll free you,” Porco promises.

He doesn’t know if Eren understands those words. He doesn’t know if Eren fully understands Porco’s own feelings, because he himself doesn't know what he's feeling.

But he’s certain in that moment their hearts were aligned.

*

It takes another week before Magath returns with General Calvi and other military officials. 

"The devil is tamed, I heard," is Calvi's cold words.

Gulping, Porco nods. Right now is not the time to voice any dissent or technicality. This is their chance. He isn't going to blow it for Eren.

For Eren.

Calvi motions for Porco to lead, so he does. They enter the underground chamber that's become Eren's cell. At the sound of the door opening, Eren's green eyes lock on them. But when he spots Porco, he seems to calm. 

Porco takes that as a good sign.

He walks up to the platform, Calvi following just steps behind. The rest of the military officials wait by the door.

"Eren, be good for me, okay?" Porco whispers. 

He undoes the gag, granting Eren freedom almost immediately. Calvi watches the two of them with a cold look.

Eren glances at Calvi and then at the men waiting below. Then he looks over at Porco.

"Good?" He asks. 

Porco feels a swell of pride in his chest. It takes him a second to control his expression so he doesn't grin like a maniac. With a small intake of breath, he nods.

"Yup. You're so good right now," he says with a soft smile.

Calvi's eyes stare at the two of them as if weighing something. Then he gives a sharp nod.

"Alright. Let's try it."

With that, Calvi motions for Porco to follow him off the platform. The minute the two of them are off, another soldier slowly approach Eren and unlocks his arms.

Immediately, Eren crumpled forward, curling into a ball. Porco feels really proud of Eren for not lashing out against the soldier freeing him. After a second of Eren staying still in his ball, the soldier slowly unlocks all of the bonds. As soon as the last key clicks unlocked, the soldier rushes away.

Eren stays in his ball.

"Permission to approach him?" Porco asks Calvi.

The general waves his hand in the air in a careless manner. That's a yes, right? 

Without waiting for a verbal response, Porco bolts back up to the platform. 

"Hey," he calls softly as he kneels by Eren. 

Tense. Eren is curled tightly into his ball, not at all trying to relax. Doesn't that hurt? Typically, when freed, shouldn't he want to stretch and-

Eren peeks out of his ball. Bright green meets Porco's eyes. 

Softly, Eren asks, "Good?"

So he doesn't quite understand what that word means. But he figured out enough that he needs to be still and quiet. 

Porco feels his heart clench painfully tight. He doesn't get why. He doesn't understand why he feels like crying. Why is looking at Eren right now breaking his heart?

But he knows that Eren is waiting for an answer.

He forces a smile on his face that he knows is probably not convincing at all from the way Eren's brows furrow. So he does the next best thing. He moves to ruffle Eren's hair so those green eyes are no longer watching his every move.

"Yeah, you're really, really good! I'm proud of you."

He doesn't register the sound for a second, probably because he has never heard Eren laugh before. When he glances down, Eren grins widely and laughs.

There's a different kind of feeling in his chest. It's a familiar tightening that isn't familiar at all. A stuffiness that doesn't feel bad, doesn't feel sad. Just… light. Light and fluttery and-

"Good!" Eren tells him.

*

It seems the freedom was only for five minutes. The rest of the soldiers are here with their guns to keep an eye on Eren. Porco thinks that's really stupid. Eren might not know how to turn into a titan, but he is still a monster who can heal. What good is a gun against him?

Porco helps Eren up, but Eren struggles to keep upright. 

His healing seems to have more or less kept him well enough to live, but it's clear that his muscles aren't used to this sudden strain of walking or moving independently of the chains. But Eren's eyes are bright, and he stays determined to stand on his own.

It makes Porco grin to see Eren move about freely.

The five minutes are up too fast. The realization that he must return to the chains seems to sink like a heavy weight in water, because Eren scowls. Porco wishes he could properly explain it to him in a way that will make sense. But he fears that no matter what he says, Eren won’t get it.

"Eren," Porco warns. "You said you'll be good."

The expression on Eren's face is that of a sulking child. But he bravely obeys and returns to his position, chained down.

"Quite the tamer, aren't you?" Calvi says lightly. "If he continues to behave, well let him out for five more minutes next month."

Next month? 

That's too long. Porco wants so desperately to free Eren now. But he does not have that kind of power, that kind of leverage. 

If he had been Marcel, he might have been able to use honeyed words to convince them otherwise. But Porco is not Marcel. Porco has never been that kind of a meticulous planner or a charmer.

He must approach this slowly and cautiously. Because otherwise, his own roughness will destroy this small happiness he's managed to carve out for Eren.

Taking a deep breath, he nods. “Yes sir.”

*

His mom is in the living room, flipping through old photo albums, when he gets home. She glances up at him, startles, and quickly wipes her tears with a fake smile on her face.

“Welcome home!” she says.

There’s a slight tremor in her voice that lets him know that she’s been crying long before this. Did something remind her of Marcel? She normally doesn’t do this unless things get really bad and she knows that she’ll be alone for long periods of time. She probably thought that he wasn’t going to be home until much, much later. 

Just a little, he feels bad for leaving her to cry alone.

“Yeah. I’m back.”

“Have you had dinner? I wasn’t sure when you’ll be back, so I already ate.”

“I ate,” he assures her. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

Her smile freezes for a second before it disappears. “Right… of course. Sorry, Porco. I’m being overbearing again, aren’t I?”

No. That’s not it. That’s not…

He didn’t mean to make her feel like that. He didn’t mean to sound so harsh. That wasn’t his intention. But Porco is an awkward child who never learned how to verbalize his feelings. Hell, he’s lucky if he even knows what it is that he’s feeling. But to put it into words? 

Perhaps Eren isn’t alone in his frustrations at not knowing how to put his thoughts out into spoken words.

Porco glances at the photo album that his mom was looking at. Twin grins of two young boys look up at him, frozen in time for his mom to weep over whenever she’s alone. That’s right. That’s what Marcel looked like. That’s right. Marcel used to be taller than Porco. Marcel used to be…

He looks away from the photos to stop himself from tearing up.

“What’s the occasion?” he asks to distract himself. “Did you just miss him?”

His mom opens her mouth and then closes it wordlessly. 

After a pause of silence, she admits, “I didn’t care about her that much when they announced that she’s the princess from within the walls. But… I heard from Karina that the Marleys looked to the Warriors around her age to… to make an heir with the royal blood. Since… Since you’ve been coming home later and later, I just… assumed you were with her.”

Heir with…? 

Huh?

Warriors around her age? Isn’t that pretty much just Reiner, Bertolt, and Porco? He guesses Colt could potentially count, depending on who’s counting and how loose they’re defining “Warriors.” But that’s still… Huh? Wait a minute. Wasn’t Reiner really interested in how Historia was? Porco just chalked it off to Reiner being Reiner. But if he’s the one who…

He feels nauseous. 

Protect Historia? Since when did that involve sleeping with her? Are you sure you aren’t just doing whatever you want, Reiner?

Hah. No wonder Ymir was so mad.

“Porco?” His mom calls him back to reality.

“It’s not my kid. I didn’t even know she was… doing things like that with the others. I’ve been teaching language to the other ‘devil’ that came. You know? The feral child?”

His mom’s shoulders sag in relief. “So you weren’t anywhere near what happened?”

It occurs to him belatedly that it wasn’t just the matter of pregnancy that his mom was worried about. Just what could’ve happened for her to get depressed enough to look through the photo album?

“Something happened?” he asks.

“The place that the girl was staying at was attacked. Whoever did it killed the guards and the doctors. She was bleeding out when the  Public Security Authorities got there. They’re not too sure if she and the baby are both okay.”

Now that he thinks about it, it is odd. Why did someone as powerful as General Calvi come to see Eren? It was a matter that Commander Magath could have given an order and gotten it over with, isn’t it? Or at least something that could have been turned in as a report for Calvi to approve from afar. There was no need to physically be present in the room with Eren.

Unless there was no other choice.

Zeke said that Eren was able to command the pure titans as the holder of the Founding Titan. He (and apparently other titan researchers) have found that only those of royal blood can use that power. But if Historia’s life is currently hanging in balance (worse still, if her unborn child is in danger), then the only person who can use the Founding Titan for the sake of Marley is Eren.

General Calvi came today to check Eren’s usability.

Isn’t it strange? Isn’t it odd? He felt sickened when he realized exactly what the situation is with Historia. But it’s the situation with Eren that makes him want to vomit. It’s the situation with Eren that makes him want to burst into tears. It’s the situation with Eren that makes him want to throw a fit and yell out at the unfairness of it all.

Even if he can slowly build up trust with the Marleys to free Eren from his current shackles, Eren will become a dog for them. Bark when he’s told to bark. Bite when he’s told to bite. Die when it’s time to die.

Just like the rest of the Warriors.

Porco covers his face and forces himself to take a deep breath. He can feel his mom’s worried gaze on him, but he can’t tell her that he’s fine when he himself isn’t sure of it. 

“I’m… going to bed,” he manages out in the end.

He pretends he doesn’t feel her worried stare.


	3. and i would like you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Unnecessarily gruesome violence.

“What… what the hell did you do?” 

Eren sounded so small. His green eyes were no longer focused with unwavering hatred as they began to swim with tears. He opened his mouth and then closed it. It looked like his brain was churning to figure out if maybe there was any way for the Survey Corps members to have survived. 

Ymir was firm in belief that no one survived those volley of rocks. Hell, even some of those titans that got pelted looked like they won't make it. And if Reiner hadn't grabbed her and Historia and tucked them into safety under his armor, she's certain she wouldn't have made it either.

“Hey! Answer me! Bertolt! Reiner! Ymir! Historia! Where is everyone?”

“And which kid is this?” the man Reiner called War Chief asked, sounding tired, if not a little annoyed.

Ymir didn’t blame him. Eren wasn’t exactly the best at making good impressions, especially not when he was yelling like this. Even Historia seemed to understand that, because she hid behind Ymir as if anticipating the War Chief to get violent. After all, it was him that threw those rocks.

“T-This is Eren Jaeger. He possesses a titan but has no memories of anything,” Reiner said nervously. And to Eren, he added, “I’m begging you, Eren. Please just for a little bit, can you not be yourself?”

The War Chief’s expression looked neutral, but Ymir couldn’t help but to tense. She made sure to physically stand between him and Historia. At the very least, Ymir could heal. Historia, on the other hand, was fragile.

“You… You fucking murderer! Do you realize what you’ve done? You just… you just… E-everyone is dead because of you!”

That looked like hysteria. It seemed Eren passed his threshold for anger and went straight to panic. 

“That’s right. They’re all dead,” the War Chief said softly. “And? To this murderer, what exactly were you planning on doing? What can you do?”

Eren’s mouth closed with a clack in a blissful silence. So that was what it took to finally shut this guy. Ymir made a mental note of that. She’d probably need it in the future when they all ended up in Marley together. Or perhaps the only reason Eren did shut up was because those words sounded so similar to what Reiner told him? As always, these two…

“You said he doesn’t have any memories of anything?” the War Chief asked Reiner.

“Yes. He doesn’t seem to know how he got his titan or about the Marleys or anything else.”

The War Chief touched his chin, looking thoughtful. “I wonder if it’s locked… Hold him still, Bertolt.”

All Ymir saw was the War Chief touching Eren’s forehead. Then he took a step back as Eren… Something must have happened. Something more than just the smallest of touches. Because Eren was puking. His entire body shook as he retched and retched, emptying whatever little was in his system. It was disgusting to watch. Tears streaming down his face, drool and vomit all over the ground…

Ymir made sure to shield Historia from all of that, too.

And when Eren finally seemed to calm down, Reiner knelt before him with a handkerchief. And my, what a gentleman he was! 

“Hey, I know it’s hard. But just… hang in there, alright?”

When Eren set his green eyes on him, it was with a cold hate. Ah, no. That wasn’t right. That cold hate wasn’t for Reiner. 

It was for all of them.

“Die,” he told them. 

No. Not told. Commanded. Commanded with the power of the Coordinates of the Founding Titan. The power that none of them suspected that he had. That none of them even considered that he might have. That…

They probably would have died if not for Zeke’s fast thinking of pulling all of them on the Cart Titan.

And Pieck ran and ran and ran…

*

Now that he knows what to look for, he sees it.

The haunted look on Bertolt’s face. The terrified expression tucked in the corners of Reiner’s smiles. The tenseness in the corner of Pieck’s eyes. 

The only thing that Porco can’t quite figure out is how Zeke’s emotions fit into this. Because while the other “Heroes” from Paradis look ragged, Zeke looks like he’s always having a good time.

“Are you going to see Eren today?” is the question always on the tip of his tongue.

With an almost puppy like expression that doesn’t make any sense to Porco, Zeke always finds the time to ask after Eren.

“Has he spoken anymore?”

“Did he like the few minutes of freedom?”

“Next time, why don’t you take him outside of the basement in those five minutes? I’m sure he misses the sky.”

“War Chief, why don’t you come with me?” Porco asks time and time again.

There’s always a conflicted expression in Zeke’s eyes before he shakes his head no. “It’s for the best that I don’t.”

“Because you killed all of Eren’s comrades?” is a question that always threatens to leave Porco’s mouth that he just barely holds back.

Bertolt told Porco to keep those memories a secret. And with each passing day, Porco is becoming more and more certain that he’s not supposed to keep it a secret from just the Marleys. 

“I wonder when he’ll be allowed to eat,” Zeke muses. “What kind of food do you think he’ll like?”

Porco recalls a memory tucked between Ymir’s love for Historia. A small memory of Eren opening his mouth towards Annie, who rolls her eyes. But she dutifully rips her bread and puts a chunk into his waiting mouth. Ymir only noted that because it’s unusual for Eren to sit with Annie and be so playful. Later, Historia mentioned that Eren and Mikasa had a fight, which must have prompted that as revenge and-

“I’m sure he’ll like something sweet. That’s what kids like, after all,” Porco says.

Zeke glances at him and chuckles. “Porco, you’re still a kid yourself.”

“Never said I wasn’t, sir.”

With an amused shake of the head, Zeke bids him farewell. 

Later, Porco finds a small bag filled with candy that was left with his things and can’t help but to think that the War Chief is surprisingly kind.

*

The news of Historia’s death doesn’t come as a shock to him. Or perhaps it’s more fair to say that he honestly doesn’t care about it. Ymir probably would have cried and grieved over it. But Porco isn’t Ymir. And he’s loathed to give his brother’s murderer that kind of grieving time when he never got a body to mourn.

Yeah. He’s petty. So what?

He toys with the idea of going to the funeral. But then ultimately decides to visit Eren instead. He feels like it'll be too mocking if he went. Like he's gloating to his brother's murderer in his head. Look. There's the woman you loved so much. She’s been humiliated and tormented, all for the sake of seeing you again.

… Yeah, despite being petty, it seems he does have a line.

Eren brightens at the sight of him, and Porco’s mood improves definitely. He sits down in front of Eren and removes the gag. 

“You have to wait a month before Calvi will let you out again,” he says in apology.

There’s no sign of understanding in those eyes. It makes Porco lonely. Despite having Eren in front of him, it feels like he’ll never reach him. Like despite all the steps forward, Porco will never quite be able to converse with Eren as easily as the rare glimpses of Eren in Ymir’s memories seems to imply he might have been able to once upon a time. 

Porco reaches for Eren’s cheeks, and Eren leans towards him as he always does. It’s a movement that he’s gotten so used to, but his heart feels so heavy. Because he’s seen it. Again and again. The smiles on Eren’s face. The laughter from Eren’s mouth. The intelligent words Eren could say along with some really stupid ones, too. 

Something happened. 

Between discovering that Eren had the powers of the Founding Titan and when they arrived in Marley, something happened for Eren to lose his ability to speak.

“But you’re a shifter,” he mumbles as he runs his fingers through Eren’s hair. 

It looks like Eren’s due for a shower soon. Porco wonders if he should show up for that to keep Eren company but then immediately quashes the thought due to embarrassment. He doesn’t even get why he feels so embarrassed. They’re both guys. They don’t have anything the other doesn’t have. But the thought of bathing with Eren… No, no. It’s for the best that he doesn’t think too hard on it.

“Hey, why don’t you heal your mind?”

Eren stills under Porco’s hands. Green eyes lock onto Porco for a second. Then he grins innocently like he has no idea what Porco just accused him of. And damn it. Porco already knew that Eren struggles with the language. He knows that Eren doesn’t really get it. There’s no need for him to push it like this. Eren probably thinks that Porco complimented him, with how blinding that grin is.

He pulls his hands away to quickly wipe his own eyes. He hears a soft questioning whine from Eren, but he can’t quite stop wiping his eyes. It feels like once his eyes begin to water, they won’t stop.

“H-hey…”

Porco slowly looks up at Eren, pausing just a bit in wiping his eyes to see him. Green eyes are filled with worry. Eren’s brows furrow. He probably doesn’t understand why Porco is crying. But he’s concerned. He tries to strain against the chains and bonds that hold him back to reach Porco. And isn’t that the damnedest thing?

Eren is worried for him, even though he’s the one chained down.

“I-I’m okay,” Porco tries to assure Eren. 

But the damned tears won’t stop falling from his eyes. His throat tightens, and he struggles to keep his breathing even, his voice even. Ugly sobs threaten to spill out of his mouth. But he doesn’t want to worry Eren. He doesn’t want to…

“No, you’re right. I’m not okay.”

He wraps his arms around Eren’s torso and buries his eyes against Eren’s worn out shirt. 

This must be so uncomfortable for Eren. He probably absolutely hates having Porco’s tears and snot and god knows what else all over his already uncomfortable shirt. And on top of all of that, Porco didn’t explain anything. He’s just crying like some kind of a spoiled brat, taking advantage of Eren’s kindness, his worry, and… And Eren can't even move away even if he wants to. What kind of a monster is Porco to force Eren to do this?

He feels something soft against his temple. When he slowly turns to look at Eren, Eren leans in and catches Porco’s tears with his mouth. Then, after a pause of thought, a hot tongue licks Porco’s tears away.

It feels almost like Eren’s telling him that it’s okay. That it’s fine to cry. That it’s okay to use him. 

Porco can’t hold it back anymore. The ugly sob leaves his mouth much too loudly. But Eren stays with him. Eren continues to wipe his tears away. And when Porco feels tired from his too long of a cry, Eren lets Porco stay resting against his shoulder, holding tightly like a lifeline.

“I’m sorry,” Porco apologizes. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

He wonders if Eren understands the sentiment behind his words.

*

“S-sir?” Porco asks, his eyebrows jumping to his hairline.

Magath gives him a cold look. “You heard me. I expect you to have everything prepared for next week.”

It seems Historia’s death has added to the urgency of making Eren usable. The month’s wait has been considerably shorten to a week. Porco feels both giddiness and dread churning his stomach in a never ending battle.

“I will,” he says.

There’s a small pause as if Magath seems to be considering something else. But then he must have changed his mind, because he shakes his head. 

“Dismissed.”

*

Eren’s eyes light up when he sees the sheer amount of soldiers walk into the room. Despite this having happened just once, he must understand what this means. Porco can’t help but to grin at him. 

This time, Porco is allowed to stay up on the platform while the soldier unlocks Eren. Once all the locks click open, Porco kneels before Eren and helps him to stand up. 

“I have permission to take you up today,” Porco tells him excitedly.

Eren doesn’t look like he understands, but he grins widely. He’s probably feeling Porco’s own excitement. 

“So I need you to just work with me, okay? I’m going to get you up as fast as possible,” Porco tries to explain.

There’s no sign of understanding in those green eyes. Porco hopes that this doesn’t end up with him getting smacked or bitten.

He picks Eren up in his arms, carrying him with surprising ease in a bridal carry. Eren looks surprised but doesn’t make a move to struggle against the hold. In fact, he’s starting to look confused as to what Porco is doing.

“Hold tight. We only have five minutes.”

*

Thinking back on it, they must have looked ridiculous. 

Porco clutching tightly to Eren, who is giggling like this is the best fun he’s ever had, as he rush up to the gardens before the time is up. And of course, the soldiers running behind them with their guns aimed to shoot if there’s any sign of mischief. He imagines that the Commander and General are taking their time far behind them. 

They probably made good time thanks to that, though. He puts Eren down, letting him stand barefoot (damn it. He should’ve brought shoes! He didn’t even think about that!) on the grass of the gardens. Eren’s knees wobble, and he leans heavily against Porco, not that he minds. And with a delighted giggle, Eren greedily tries to walk around, completely unconcerned with how much his legs must be straining.

Porco offers support whenever he can. But it looks like Eren’s having fun trying to figure out how to stand on his own, so he tries not to interfere too much. And just when he thinks that he’s fine with just watching Eren from afar like this, Eren turns to him with a huge grin on his face and Porco…

He wonders what this tight feeling in his chest is. He wonders why his heart feels so full and his head feels so light. What is the name of this churning in his gut that seems too sweet to be anxiety yet too sour to be happiness? Why does his lips echo Eren’s smiles even though he knows absolutely nothing happy waits for them in their future? 

A startled sound breaks their quiet moment together.

Porco glances at Reiner, who stares at the two of them with wide, hopeful eyes. He takes a step forward and is immediately stopped by Bertolt, who gives him a sharp glare. And Eren…

All of Eren's muscles seems to be tense as he glares at Reiner. His eyes are twin fury of green, threatening to set ablaze to everything that gets in his way. His lips are drawn back into a snarl. And faintly, Porco can make out the low growl emanating from him.

Bad.

This is really bad.

If Eren snaps now, he won't be able to prove to everyone that he should be free from those chains. Calvi and Magath are coming in this direction. That's not even mentioning the fact that the soldiers will doubtlessly report to them if Eren makes any wrong move. Or maybe they'll just shoot without any consideration? Either way, it's bad.

Porco realizes that he moved only after Eren's angry green eyes settle on him. He has Eren by the head, holding him as gently as he can, as soothingly as he can, all the while refusing to let Eren go. Eren seems just a second from fighting against Porco's hold. Those intense eyes challenge Porco. Daring him to even try to stop him.

"Eren, I know this is hard. But you need to be good. So keep your eyes on me. Keep your eyes only on me."

There's a stillness to Eren's form. He seems to at least consider what Porco is saying. Then he takes a deep breath in. When he releases that breath, he releases all the tension in his body, too. He gives Porco a sheepish smile as if to apologize.

Porco feels his lips pull into a grin. He ruffles Eren's hair and pulls him close.

"Thank you," he whispers.

There’s a spark.

That’s the only way Porco can explain. It. There’s a spark of something between them. And all Porco can see is a rock. A bloodied rock coming down, down, down. Again and again. Sharp pain pulses like a heartbeat with every movement of the rock. And fuck. 

Fuck.

He should’ve realized it.

He should’ve put it together.

Why the hell didn’t he see something so damned obvious? It was in front of his face the entire time. 

_ “Fuck you! Fuck you! What the hell would you understand?! Eren, you lived a peaceful and quiet life! Why the fuck do I have to explain myself to a sheltered brat like you?” _

Those words are scarily clear despite the pain. It seems to be almost etched into his skull as the rock comes slamming down again and again. Then finally, finally… 

Zeke’s molten fury of… 

_ “What the hell are you doing, Reiner?” _

Porco snaps out of the memory at the feeling of Eren clinging tightly to him. Eren buries his face against the crook of Porco's neck, settling himself there so comfortably that Porco doesn't have that heart to push away. Slowly, shakily, Porco puts his hand through Eren’s hair (washed recently for Calvi’s visit today) and forces himself to breath deeply in Eren’s comfort. 

When he finally untangles himself from Eren, Reiner and Bertolt are both long gone. The soldiers look uninterested, but there's a look in Calvi's eyes that worries Porco. 

Just now, he realizes with a start, he did something he shouldn't have. 

Just now, Calvi decided on the value of Eren’s worth.

Porco feels his heart sink.

*

His worry is for naught. Or perhaps it’s more correct to say that his worry is slightly off from the truth enough to be considered wrong.

"S-sir?" He asks, disbelieving. Because there's no way, right? This is much too good to be true? Much too cruel?

One of the soldiers lock Eren's ankles together with shackles to prevent him from running. Eren watches this warily but also with curiosity. Without understanding fully what's going on, he seems to realize that this is something different. 

"Since you can control him fine, let's see how well this works," Calvi says. “Keep him confined to the internment zone and the headquarters. We’ll monitor your progress for a week and decide again.”

Eren turns to Porco as if waiting for an explanation. But what can Porco say to make this make sense in Eren's head? What can he do?

He holds his hand out for Eren to take. Eren doesn't seem to understand what that means, because he puts his head in Porco's open hand. And Calvi thinks that Porco can control Eren? Who are they trying to kid?

Despite thinking such thoughts, Porco finds himself grinning exasperatedly at Eren. He runs his fingers through Eren’s hair, loving the way Eren leans into every touch. 

"Are you hungry? I’ll take you to eat the best food in the world.”

Eren looks more tired than hungry, to be honest. The excitement of being allowed outside as well as being free from those chains is probably starting to wear off. It’s probably better if Porco just takes Eren home…

Take Eren home, huh?

Porco wonders how his mom will react to that. And why the hell does he suddenly feel so damned nervous? It’s not even like he needs his mom to like Eren or anything. And Eren clearly doesn’t know enough about the world to care about being liked by Porco’s mom. So who the hell cares?

“Do you think you can walk? Or would you rather I carry you?”

Eren tilts his head and looks curiously at Porco. Yeah, he should’ve expected that. That was Porco’s bad.

With a soft sigh, he scoops Eren up in his arms again. Eren lets out a delighted giggle and holds tightly onto Porco. Well, maybe this isn’t so bad. He finds himself unable to fight off the grin on his own face.

“Let’s go home,” Porco says.

There’s something about that word that must disagree with Eren. The excited grin disappears into a contemplative frown. 

“Eren?” Porco asks.

“N-not… home.”

Porco feels Calvi’s gaze settle on them. It’s unnerving, but he doesn’t have the luxury to look away from Eren right now. 

“Sorry,” Porco agrees. “You’re right. Not your home. But mine.”

Eren seems mollified by that. He nods seriously and rests his head against Porco’s chest. That’s right. That was insensitive of Porco, wasn’t it? Eren’s home was trampled upon by the titans that Bertolt, Annie, and Reiner brought. Then the remaining people that Eren could call home were all killed by Zeke’s volley of rocks.

For Eren, there is no “home” left.

When he thinks of it like that, he feels like he understands Eren’s choice of deciding to not heal his mind.

*

His mom freezes in shock when she sees a sleeping Eren in Porco’s arms. 

“Sorry, he’s starting to get heavy. Can you move?” Porco asks her.

Wordlessly, she does. She quietly follows Porco to the living room where he gently puts Eren down on the couch. Eren mumbles softly but otherwise remains asleep. Porco can’t imagine how nice it must be to be able to sleep as he wants, even if there are shackles in the way.

Then he motions to his mom to follow him to the kitchen so they can talk without disturbing Eren.

“I-is that…? T-the devil? I-I mean, the feral child? Is it safe for him to be outside of his cage?”

“Yeah, I got permission,” Porco says. “Don’t worry. He’s really docile. But he struggles with understanding things. Just think of it like having a human-shaped dog.”

His mom doesn’t look at all relieved by those words. 

“But why is he here? Porco, have you really thought this through?”

“It’s to help him get used to being up and about. Besides, there’s only so much I can teach him through picture books. Can you get us something to eat? I’m starving.”

*

He gently pushes the hair out of Eren’s face, feeling quite like he can stare at that peaceful sleeping face forever. He lets his hand linger by Eren’s cheek. What is it that he wants from this? He’s not sure himself. He likes touching Eren. That much is true. He likes caressing Eren’s cheeks, ruffling his hair, and holding him. But the reason why he likes it so much is because of how happily Eren smiles when he does so.

Does that make him a creep? Someone that takes advantage of Eren’s cluelessness? He’s supposed to be teaching Eren how to communicate, but it feels like he’s not focused on that at all.

Eren stirs, blinking his eyes blearily. Then he must have come to, because those green eyes are suddenly alert. Without moving a muscle, Eren quickly scans the room. He must have convinced himself that everything is fine because slowly, those green eyes settles on Porco.

“You awake?” Porco asks softly. “Are you hungry? The food is ready.”

There’s no sign that Eren understood those words. But when Porco stands up, Eren moves to follow him. His description of ‘a dog’ seems more fitting than he first realized. Eren stumbles a bit, but he manages to steady himself without Porco’s help. He grins proudly and turns to Porco.

“You’re too cute,” Porco finds himself saying instead of the usual praise.

He blinks, confused as to why he would say such a thing. Eren tilts his head at him, also looking confused as to why Porco said that. Eren probably doesn’t even realize what Porco said. Well, it's not like it's wrong. So there's no problem with it, is there? Besides, it's not like someone annoying like Colt is around to look at him knowingly.

“A-anyways, c’mon. Let’s eat.”

They make their slow trek into the kitchen, Eren determinedly taking steps forward. Porco makes sure to hold the chair out for Eren to help him sit. This must feel so odd for him to get used to after being chained up for so long. 

Porco’s mom watches the two of them with a contemplated look on her face.

“Eren, this is my mom. Mom, Eren,” Porco says as a matter of introduction.

“Hello,” Porco’s mom says with a forced smile.

Eren tenses. Porco pulls his chair right next to Eren’s and places his hand on Eren’s back. It has the effect Porco wants. Eren relaxes at the touch. 

“I… heard that you haven’t eaten in a long while. So uh… I made something easy to swallow and eat. Have you had mashed potatoes before?” 

Porco’s mom is trying hard to be cheerful, but it just sounds too forced. Eren looks more and more distrustingly at her with every word out of her mouth. Porco better step in before this becomes irreparable.

He picks up the spoon next to Eren’s plate and takes a modest amount of mashed potato. He meets eyes with Eren. When he’s sure that Eren’s watching carefully, he eats. Then he returns the spoon to Eren. It occurs to him belatedly that if Eren has trouble standing and walking, he will most definitely have trouble gripping the spoon. 

Seeing no other choice, Porco decides to forfeit his dinner. He takes Eren’s spoon back and scoops up a bit of mashed potato. Then he holds it up to Eren’s mouth.

There’s just a smallest bit of hesitation. Then with a determined look in his eyes, Eren tries the mashed potato. His brows furrow as he tries to figure out what he just ate. He seems to be rolling it around on his tongue, struggling to chew it. Then finally, reluctantly, he swallows. A goofy smile spreads across his face, and he turns to Porco with a small giggle.

“Pfft… Do you like it or not? What does that mean, you silly goof?” Porco asks, trying not to laugh.

He takes another scoop and holds it up to Eren’s mouth. Still giggling, Eren turns his head to dodge the spoon.

“Eren, don’t be like that. It’s food. You need to eat.”

But Eren shakes his head as if understanding what Porco’s words mean. Porco feels frustration beginning to pool in his stomach as he tries to follow Eren’s mouth with the spoon. Finally, Eren turns to stare at Porco with his too green of eyes, a small pout on his face.

“What does that mean?” Porco asks him. “Eren, work with me.”

The green eyes continue to stare at him without letting him know anything. Porco feels his temper start to flicker.

“Oh! Porco, he’s waiting for you to eat,” Porco’s mom says, snapping her fingers.

“Huh?” 

The smile on her face looks more natural now. “You used to do the same thing with Marcel. You wouldn’t eat until Marcel had a bite of his food. Here, try it.”

He has no recollection of doing that. But he doesn’t think it’ll hurt to try it. He glances at Eren, who is watching the two of them carefully. Porco takes the spoon away from Eren’s mouth and eats the mashed potato. 

Immediately, Eren brightens.

Huh. 

When Porco scoops another spoonful for Eren to eat, Eren accepts it without any protest. He then grins widely at both Porco and his mom as if to thank them.

“Ah, what the hell? Why are you so damned cute?” Porco asks, ruffling Eren’s hair.

It takes a bit of time to eat since Porco has to alternate between himself and Eren. But at least both of them get to eat. And with each bite, it looks like his mom looks much more comfortable with Eren being in their house. For now, Porco decides to write it off as his victory.

*

“Does Eren have a change of clothes?” Porco’s mom asks as she turns on the water to the sink to do the dishes.

“Huh? Why would he need that?”

As soon as the question leaves his mouth, Porco wants to smack his forehead. Of course, Eren needs a change of clothes! Was he planning on just letting Eren wear that scratchy and uncomfortable looking shirt and pants for however long? He could’ve sworn that those were not what Eren was wearing when he first arrived in Marley. Perhaps in one of the many cleaning sessions, he was forced into the cheapest clothes Marley bothered to get? At the very least, the quality of the clothes feel like it.

“Sorry. That was stupid,” Porco says quickly. “He doesn’t have any clothes that I know of. I’ll just let him wear mine.”

His mom lets out a hum that sounds much too smug for some strange reasons. Porco feels his cheeks redden without knowing why.

“What?” he asks.

Eren glances at him worriedly. Porco tries to smile to let him know that nothing’s wrong. Eren doesn’t seem to buy it from the way his brows furrow.

“Just thinking that maybe your father and I should’ve tried for another child. You would’ve been quite the doting older brother, wouldn’t you, Porco?”

Porco makes a face as he stacks the plates to hand to his mom. “Don’t be gross. Besides, that child will be forced to become another Warrior anyways.”

Damn it. 

He shouldn’t have said that.

His mom’s shoulders tenses, and he feels nothing but this stinging guilt in his chest. Why does he always have to just blurt out whatever he’s thinking? Why couldn’t he have learned Marcel’s ability to keep quiet when it’s time?

“Sorry,” he manages out. He gives his mom the dishes and leaves the kitchen, Eren trailing after him.

“S-sorry,” Eren mumbles.

Porco glances at him. “Hm? About what?”

“S-sorry. Sorry. Sorry.” Eren grins like he’s proud of something.

“It’s what you say when you did something wrong,” Porco says, wondering if the explanation is even needed. “Or you said something wrong.”

Eren nods like he understands, but Porco doubts any of those words made sense to him. Still, he finds his cute student endearing.

“C’mon, let’s find some clothes for you to change into.”

*

Since Eren was cleaned for meeting General Calvi today, Porco doesn’t feel too pressured to make sure he takes a shower. No, this has nothing to do with his own shyness about being with a naked Eren. Shut up. Leave him alone. 

Porco finds some old but comfortable shirts and pajama pants he likes and hands it to Eren. Eren, this brat, dares to sniff at the clothes for a second before grinning at Porco.

“W-what? They smell funny?”

Eren doesn’t answer. He puts the clothes on Porco’s desk and takes off his shirt. And it’s not like Porco wants to look or anything. It’s just…

He doesn’t expect to see those bruises and scars.

Eren has the Founding Titan. That by itself means that he can heal his injuries. At the very least, that’s what all other titans can do. So why does Eren have these injuries?

Porco only realizes that he’s moved when Eren turns to look at him with too green of eyes. There are multiple different emotions swimming in those eyes. Startled, yes. Curious, yes. But also apprehension.

Then and only then, Porco realizes that his hand is lightly touching the scar on Eren’s back. He quickly pulls his hand back, feeling like he’s been burned. Did Eren fear that Porco might hurt him? Is that why he looked so apprehensive? That thought hurts Porco more than he thought it would.

“Sorry,” he says.

Eren tilts his head, staring at him for a beat longer. Then he smiles like he accepts Porco’s apology. He returns to putting on the shirt that Porco got him, completely ignoring Porco’s gaze locked on his body. 

To be honest, Porco doesn’t know what he expected. He knew that Eren wasn’t given any kind of food or even water. So of course, he would be barely skin and bone. That much, he thinks he expected. That much, he thinks he was ready for. But not the scars. Not the bruises. Those on Eren’s arms and legs make sense as the chains and bindings having been too tight. 

But what about on Eren’s back?

Did someone come in while Porco wasn’t there to… to? To teach the Eldian Devil a lesson about humility? To show the Eldian Devil their superiority? Just who in their sick mind would beat up a child who can’t even understand the language? Who can’t even fight back?

Porco wonders if it’s unfair of him to think of Reiner and that memory of the rock coming down against Eren’s head again and again.

It… can’t be that, right? It looked like Bertolt was doing his best to make sure that Reiner stays clear of Eren. So Reiner never… R-right? 

And for that matter, why the hell isn’t Eren healed? He’s a titan shifter. So that much should be easy enough. And if he did that, Porco wouldn’t be stuck right now, mulling over every single person at the headquarters as some kind of a filthy criminal who likes to beat up cute and innocent children like Eren. And isn’t that sick? Isn’t that horrible? Why the hell is he blaming this on Eren when it’s clearly not Eren’s fault that he was beaten and dragged across the ocean after having everything he loved destroyed?

Eren lets out a small gasp, snapping Porco out of his thoughts. He looks at Eren, who kicks at the pants he took off that is now awkwardly caught in the shackles binding Eren’s legs. Porco tries not to notice that Eren doesn’t seem to be wearing any kind of underwear and that Porco’s shirt does a pisspoor job of covering Eren completely.

“Oh shoot. I’m sorry. I didn’t even think about that!” Porco exclaims. He makes a move to approach and then remembers Eren’s apprehension in those green eyes. It immediately stills him.

With a frustrated look, Eren reaches down and shakes the shackles. He probably wants those off, huh? Porco does, too. But right now, that’s not really an option. Even if he were to shift and cuts the shackles off, all that’ll do is make the Marleyan officials distrust them.

A knock on the door catches both of their attention. 

“Porco? Eren? Have you found something to wear?”

Porco opens the door to let his mom in only after making sure that Eren puts the pants back up. With an abashed look, Porco motions at the shackles on Eren’s legs. 

“I didn’t think this one through,” he explains.

“Oh dear,” his mom says. She seems to think about something and then smiles. “I hope this isn’t too presumptuous of me, but Eren, why don’t I get you a dress instead?”

“You want to put him in a dress?” Porco exclaims in disbelief. Eren flinches at Porco’s small shout and stares at the two of them with sharp green eyes. 

His mom doesn’t seem bothered though. She just smiles kindly at Eren, which seems to relax Eren somewhat (It looks like Eren’s quite good at reading how others feel about him. The minute Porco’s mom started liking him, Eren seems to have opened up to her). 

“Would you like that, dear?”

Eren tilts his head to the side, looking confused. He glances at Porco. And Porco gets it, alright? Eren won’t understand either way, so it won’t embarrass him at all. In fact, it’ll be better to get Eren something that’ll help him move freely, right? And pants and shorts are clearly not an option. So all that’s left is to try a dress, isn’t it? 

His cheeks feel hot for some strange reasons.

“Y-yeah. Let’s get him one.”


	4. to love me, to love me, to love me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Rape mention.

He wonders what his mom thinks about the scars and bruises on Eren’s body. Because her lips pull into a thin line at the sight of them. But she doesn’t say anything about them. Her smile does look forced, which makes Eren suddenly wary of her. Porco realizes that it’s not that Eren is good at discerning people’s feelings towards him. He’s just good at knowing whether the friendliness on people’s faces are fake or not.

“Do you like this?” Porco asks Eren who is in a simple green sundress that comes down mercifully to his knees. 

He cuts Eren’s pants so that they can get that off of Eren completely. It looks like until the shackles are off, Eren will be stuck in these dresses. Porco has no idea how to feel about all of this. But he knows for a fact that his face hasn’t returned to its original color since Eren changed.

Eren turns around, his eyes wide in excitement at the way the dress open up around him before modestly coming back down. At the very least, he looks happy.

“Well, if you’re good, then I’m going to go shower.”

“Eren doesn’t need one?” his mom asks.

“He had one before the General saw him.”

His mom nods thoughtfully. “Eren, would you like to spend some time with me while Porco showers?”

Eren doesn’t look like he understands but he smiles anyways. 

*

Porco doesn’t know how his mom managed to sweet-talk Eren. But when he comes out from his shower, Eren is curled up next to her on the living room couch, staring intensely at whatever book his mom is reading.

Damn it.

Eren throws such a fit whenever Porco tries to read to him. Is it his voice? Eren just doesn’t like how he reads? It’s so hurtful that Porco can’t help but to pout.

“What are you reading?” he asks them.

His mom giggles and holds up the book, showing that it is not a book at all. But a photo album. 

“I asked him if he wanted to see your photos and he finally moved away from the bathroom door,” she tells him with a knowing smile.

Porco feels his cheeks heat up again. “You have the real one in front of you now. You don’t need that, do you?”

Eren stares at him long and hard and then back at whatever photo he’s been looking at. Then he looks back at Porco, tilting his head in confusion.

“Photo,” Porco says. He taps on the picture, trying hard not to notice Marcel’s grinning face next to his younger self. “It freezes a moment in time on a paper. Did you have something like this in Paradis?”

Eren doesn’t look like he’s listening. Instead, he gently touches his finger against the younger Porco’s smile in the photo. Then he moves his finger to Marcel.

“B-brother?” he asks.

Porco feels his throat tighten. He doesn’t bother trying to fake a smile. 

“Yeah. My brother. Marcel. He died.”

Eren stares at Marcel quietly. He doesn’t say anything else.

*

Porco’s dad arrives home after Porco helped Eren brush his teeth. When Eren leaves the bathroom first and runs into Porco’s dad, both of them freeze in the hallway, confused. Porco has to cover his mouth to stop himself from laughing too loudly at their expressions.

“Oh, darling, that’s our new son,” Porco’s mom says unhelpfully with a giggle.

“O-our new…? Honey, I’m not saying that I disagree with your methods but uh… consider not picking up random kids from the streets to adopt?”

“Porco brought him home! Eren, meet your new dad!”

Eren’s green eyes watches the two of them carefully, looking just a second away from bolting. Porco squeeze his shoulders to calm him down. Eren glances at Porco and gives a small smile.

“Dad, don’t listen to what mom’s saying. I’ll explain what’s going on.”

*

Porco was planning on sleeping on the couch, but Eren keeps following him around. Even when Porco tucks him in bed, Eren gets out and titters after Porco with a determined look in his eyes. It’s cute. It’s so damned cute that Porco can’t stop grinning.

“T-this isn’t a normal occasion, so don’t get too c-comfortable,” Porco warns.

Both of them are in Porco’s bed. It would be a tight fit if not for Eren holding tightly onto Porco, all the while giggling. Porco gives up trying to warn him and just wraps his own arms around Eren.

“If it gets hot, don’t kick me off.”

Eren snuggles in, burying his face in Porco’s shirt. 

Damn this guy for being so impossibly cute.

*

Eren’s breathing hitched as Reiner slammed him to the ground. Reiner hiked Eren’s leg up over his shoulder, using that as leverage to pin Eren down. Eren tried to wrap his leg around Reiner’s head, trying to break free. But he couldn’t seem to get a good grip, because he kept trying different positions as if trying to get comfortable.

“Jeesh, they always look so obscene like that,” Ymir mumbled, shaking her head.

“Poor Jean must be so jealous,” Sasha giggled.

Jean shot her an annoyed look. “The hell would I be jealous for? That grip Eren does hurts like hell.”

“More than that. I bet Bertolt’s really jealous,” Mina sniggered.

They glanced over at Bertolt, whose expression was much too dark for the light-hearted jokes. They realized with a start that yeah, Bertolt was most definitely jealous. 

“H-hey man, it was just a joke,” Mina tried to say.

Bertolt startled at the voice and stared at them curiously. “I’m sorry. Did you say something?”

“You jealous that your fuckbuddy’s found a new mate?” Ymir asked as she motions towards Reiner and Eren, who seemed to have somehow taken on an even more lewder form in the few seconds no one was watching them.

“It’d be good if Eren decides on someone who isn’t one of us.”

… Huh?

“I… was implying you and Reiner were…? Not you and…?” Ymir trailed off.

Oh gross. Gross. Gross. She so didn’t need to know that. Why the fuck did Bertolt had to confirm it, of all things? Couldn’t he have not said anything at all? Damn it. That was way too much information that Ymir never needed to know.

Bertolt looked confused. “Why would Reiner and I be fuckbuddies? We’re best friends. Do you… normally do that with your friends? I-I mean, I’m not trying to judge but… It's just Eren's actually cute and…”

Because he looked so damned confused, it made it hard to keep teasing him. If he had at least blushed and tried to deny it, they could all play it up for a bit more. But this completely killed the joke.

“Ah, whatever! Hey, how much lewder do you think they’re going to get? I bet tonight’s dinner roll that Instructor Shadis will stop them,” Jean said, quickly changing the topic.

“I bet they won’t realize what a spectacle they’re being and ask Instructor Shadis why they have to stop,” Mina added, wiggling her brows.

“I don’t know, it kind of looks like Mikasa is rushing right now to stop them,” Sasha pointed out.

The conversation continued in this fashion, but Ymir couldn’t help but to struck by the dark look on Bertolt’s face as he stared at Reiner and Eren. Not dark in an angry kind of way. It was more… 

Guilty…?

The question why was finally answered in that forest with pure titans waiting for them down below. With anguished green eyes, Eren shouted at Bertolt and Reiner like a confused child. Bertolt, hugging his knee to his chest in the furthest possible branch. Reiner a branch closer, rubbing his temples. 

“What did you think? What… were you thinking that day?”

Eren’s voice broke as he spoke, trying to push past his feelings of betrayal to get his words out. His eyes were watering. And Ymir thought that she might be witnessing their unwavering blockhead of a suicidal maniac break in front of them.

“Back then… I felt very sorry for you.”

But the one who snapped first wasn’t Eren. It wasn’t Bertolt. It was Reiner. Reiner, who shouted back at Eren’s accusing words. Reiner, who struggled with his breaking mind. Reiner, who acknowledged that it was far too late. Much, much too late. This world wasn’t as simple or as beautiful as Eren believed. That peaceful life Eren lived a long time ago was something akin to an illusion that he would never be able to get back. 

“So what do you want these murderers to do? Do you want us to repent? Do you want us to apologize? Are you really going to preach to a couple of cold-blooded murderers about how killing is wrong? Will that satisfy you?!”

Thinking back on it, it was always Reiner. 

Eren always got to Reiner first. Eren always pushed Reiner too far, too much. Ymir always thought it was because the two of them were similar. They attracted each other like they were connected, like they could never escape one another. But possibly because of that force of gravity, they violently (or maybe that was just Eren because he hated anything that held him down. Wasn’t that why he always ran from Mikasa’s overbearing protectiveness?) tried to break away from each other. 

“S-see? Look, Eren’s being calm now,” Reiner said, his voice shaking with effort. 

After the mass of pure titans that came to attack them, they opted that the best way to deal with Eren would be to tie him up and gag him. It had been three days since then, and for the most part, it looked like they were able to outrun the remaining titans. 

It was late at night. The War Chief, Pieck, and Historia had turned in for the night. Ymir was pretending to sleep with Historia by her side, when she overheard Reiner whispering to Bertolt.

“Reiner, I really don’t think this is a good idea,” Bertolt warned.

But it seemed that Reiner wasn’t listening. Because the next Ymir heard, it was Reiner whispering sweet nothings to Eren as if that was supposed to make up for all the hurt, all the wrongs. For a pair of murderer, these two were much too soft.

Or was that just for Eren, the person they felt the most amount of guilt towards?

“You two… are batshit, you know that?” Eren growled lowly.

Sounded like they removed his gag. Was that really a good idea? If Eren called for those pure titans again… Ymir’s hold around Historia tightened. She needed a way to quickly transform and save Historia. That was all she needed to focus on.

“Don’t be like that. Whether you want it or not, we’re all in this together now. Isn’t that right, Bertolt?”

There was a pause of disbelief. Then slowly, Bertolt managed out, “Eren, I… don’t want to be enemies with you. W-we weren’t trying to hurt you. But… i-it’s just circumstances.”

“Circumstances… Yeah, I suppose that’s right. It was circumstances when you turned your parents in to the Marleys, right, Zeke?” Eren called out. “It was circumstances when your mom said it would’ve been best if you weren’t born, right, Historia? Circumstances that you just happened to eat a titan shifter, right, Ymir?”

Ymir felt Historia tense next to her. It seemed everyone was awake and listening in. 

“It was circumstances when you knocked down the wall and killed my mom, right, Bertolt? And when you did it again, knocked down another wall and killed our squad members, that was just circumstances, too. And it was circumstances again when you both pretended to be my friend, pretended to love me, and then killed everyone, right, Reiner? Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Sasha, Connie, Marco-”

Ymir didn’t know exactly what stopped Eren from speaking anymore. But she did hear a soft, “Please, stop,” from Reiner.

There was a heavy silence that settled uncomfortably among them. Ymir thought that that would be it. They would all just fall into an uneasy sleep.

But that would be underestimating Eren’s need to have the last laugh.

“Want me to tell you what I think will happen when we arrive in Marley? They’ll celebrate you. Call you ‘heroes’ for bringing back the Founding Titan. And then they’ll kill you. One by one, they’ll find a reason or a flaw. They have plenty of other ‘good’ Eldians who can take on your titans. They’ll say that they can’t trust Ymir since she’s not a Warrior. They’ll say that they can’t trust Bertolt and Reiner since you two spent such a long time in Paradis. Who knows where your true loyalties lie now. They’ll say that Zeke can’t be trusted when his father who was ‘sent to heaven’ somehow managed to get to the walls to have another child. They won't trust you either, Pieck, since you're an Eldian and who needs a reason to kill an Eldian anyways?

“The only thing they might not be able to do is replace royal blood. So know what they’ll do? They’ll take Historia and rape her. They’ll rape her and force her to bear children after children after children. Because if you don’t have royal blood, you can’t control the Founding Titan. Hey, Reiner, maybe they’ll let you fuck her, too. You’ve always liked her, haven’t you? You’ve always talked about how you wanted to marry a cute princess like her and how much cuter you think I'll look with longer hair. All you’ll have to do is say that you’re a ‘hero’ and the Marleys will gladly spread her legs open for you. And what’s she going to do about it? Say no? Ymir would be long dead by then to save her!”

Porco gasps awake, struggling to breath properly. He’s drenched in sweat, and it’s not just because of how much Eren held tightly to him. Eren is staring at him from the corner of the room. Porco doesn’t know when he ran there, possibly cowering from Porco, watching with too green of eyes for what Porco will do next.

To be honest, he wants to puke. He wants to cry. He wants to scream about the unfairness of it all, because damn it, damn it. What the hell? What the hell? Every time he finds out more about what happened, he just feels sick to his stomach, to his soul. 

Reiner interrupted the rest of Eren’s words with a rock. He brought it down again and again, bashing in Eren’s head while yelling like some kind of an overgrown child. Until finally, Zeke stopped him with too cold of angry eyes. And oh. That’s how Zeke found out. That he has a baby brother. That the holder of the Founding Titan that tried to kill all of them… That the bratty child whose family and friends were all killed by the Warriors’ combined efforts… That was his baby brother. 

“H-he’s not… he’s not healing,” Bertolt had stuttered out.

And so the best they could, they patched him up. Then they dragged him across the ocean to Marleys. A feral child, they had said. The true ‘devil.’ But the ones who drove Eren to that corner, the ones who made Eren forget language, forget his abilities, forget everything but this inkling of hatred that must be ingrained into him by this point…

The Eldians in Marley likes to tell themselves this lie: “They are the good Eldians. The bad Eldians are those inside of the walls. They’re ‘devils.’”

But in the end, the ones who destroyed Eren’s hometown was those so-called ‘good’ Eldians. The ones who killed all of Eren’s friends and comrades were these ‘good’ Eldians. The one who brought down that rock to stop Eren from speaking, the one who tied Eren up to stop him from struggling, the one who gagged him to stop him from commanding any more pure titans, the ones who dragged Eren’s broken and bloodied body across the water… 

If Eren is the devil, then what the hell does that make the rest of them?

It’s something that Porco wondered before. That Eren must consider them cruel. That Eren must consider them devils for locking him up in the cage and chaining him down. His assessment of the situation, he now realizes, was much too soft.

For Eren, they must be entities worse than devils.

Porco covers his eyes and realizes with a start that he’s been crying. His shoulders are heaving with effort to try and calm down. But he can’t. He can’t. His heart hurts. He feels so bitter and angry. But more than anything, he hates that there’s nothing he can do. He’s completely useless. Because all these memories are just that. Memories. It's already all happened. There's nothing he can do to change it.

There’s a hesitant touch against his shoulder. When Porco turns to look, Eren looks at him worriedly. It seems his worry for Porco was greater than whatever scared him all the way to the corner of the room. Because with furrowed brows, he tries to comfort Porco in the only way he knows how.

Eren’s touches are uncertain. They rest trembling against Porco’s cheek as Eren leans in close and kisses Porco’s tears. When Porco doesn’t resist or protest, Eren must feel a bit bolder. Because his tongue darts out, licking the tears away with gentleness that Porco feels that he doesn’t deserve. 

“Okay?” Eren asks.

“No,” Porco admits. “I’m not okay.”

He wraps his arms around Eren and traps him in the embrace. But Eren doesn’t fight it. Eren just rests his head against Porco’s chest. And Porco absolutely hates how comforting this is. He should be comforting Eren. He should be making sure that Eren is happy. 

But yet again, he ends up taking advantage of Eren’s kindness.

*

His internal clock doesn’t allow him to sleep past seven, even if he didn’t sleep well last night. 

Eren is sound asleep against his chest. Porco really doesn’t want to wake him. He wants to let Eren rest like this, hidden from the Marleys and the rest of the world. But he knows that that’s not something for him to decide.

His mom knocks on the door. “Porco? Eren? Time to wake up!”

Porco sees the blazing green eyes quickly scan the room before resting on Porco. Eren relaxes.

“We’re up!” Porco yells out. Then a little quietly, he tells Eren, “Good morning.”

Eren stares at him blankly for a bit. Then he moves to touch Porco’s cheek. 

“Okay?” he asks again.

Porco’s sure that his cheeks are red. He’s sure that the blush is making Eren worried because his brows are furrowing again. But he doesn’t know how to explain to Eren that he’s okay now. That he got the cry he needed, so he can now face the world, even if he knows there’s nothing good in it. 

No, that’s not right.

Eren’s part of the world.

Therefore, the world can’t be all bad.

Porco ruffles Eren’s hair.

“I’m okay,” he promises. 

Eren giggles.

*

Breakfast is leftover mashed potato, but Eren eats it all excitedly. Porco hopes that Eren gets used to eating food soon, because he himself is not enjoying eating mashed potato all the time.

“Good morning, you two,” his dad greets them, half-asleep.

Since his dad works afternoon to night shifts, he is always like this in the mornings. Porco once told him it’s fine to not wake up so early to send him off, but his dad has never missed saying goodbye to Porco. He thinks it’s because of Marcel, but he hasn’t had the chance to voice it.

Eren looks worriedly at Porco’s dad. Porco thinks that Eren is much too kind.

The doorbell rings, and Porco’s mom lets Colt in. Like every morning, he came to walk with Porco to the headquarters together. At the sight of Eren in a dress, Colt freezes. 

“Uh… huh?”

“Shackles,” Porco says as explanation.

Apparently that was enough, because Colt nods slowly. He then greets Eren with a smile that Eren doesn’t return. It seems Eren’s grudge against Colt is still going strong. Porco wonders if Eren will ever forgive Colt.

“We’ll get dressed soon. Give us a few.”

*

“Oh, that’s tacky,” Porco’s mom says disapprovingly.

Look, they’re not trying to win a fashion award or anything. And this is what they have, alright? If his mom will just back off, Porco will appreciate it.

Eren is dressed in another one of Porco’s mom’s sundresses (a simple white one with a bow in the back). Since the sundress is sleeveless, Porco lent Eren one of his bomber jackets to hide the bruises on Eren’s arms (It’s a precaution. Porco doesn’t want the Marleyan soldiers to freak out that Eren might turn into a titan using one of those wounds. Besides, without sleeves, it’s hard to attach the armband). Combined with the combat boots (It’s all Porco has, alright? Don’t judge), the image Eren displays is not at all coordinated.

“When you guys get back today, why don’t we go shopping for some clothes, Eren?” Porco’s mom suggests.

Eren probably has no idea what she’s saying, but he smiles. Porco is pretty sure it’s because Porco’s mom’s smiles are finally genuine. 

“Don’t make plans like that,” Porco warns him. “Mom, we might be asked to stay late. It just depends on the Commander’s mood. So just assume we’ll be too late to go shopping.”

His mom sighs. “No care at all, this boy. Don’t worry, Eren. If all else fails, I’ll go shopping myself to get you something good to wear. Oh, maybe I’ll pick up some applesauce for you, too. It’ll taste better than eating mashed potato all the time.”

“Yeah. Yeah. C’mon, Eren. Let’s get out of here.”

Remembering what happened yesterday, Porco doesn’t hold out his hand. Instead, he just reaches over and takes Eren’s hand in his. Eren looks at him questioningly but doesn’t pull himself free. He looks fascinated by something, though.

“I’ll see you all later!” Porco says. 

Then to Eren, he teaches, “You’re supposed to say ‘goodbye’ here. Try it. ‘Bye.’”

Eren tilts his head at him with a frown. Does he not like that word? Porco pauses. Then perhaps not ‘bye’ but…

“‘See you’ is also acceptable. Can you try saying that?”

Eren’s eyes light up. He turns to Porco’s mom and dad and smiles. 

“S-see you!”

Porco feels a swell of pride in his chest.

*

“It feels like I’ve been completely replaced,” Colt remarks as the three of them walk.

“Huh? What’s with that?” Porco asks him.

Colt chuckles. “No, it’s just… You look after Eren  _ really _ well.”

Porco feels his cheeks heat up. “I don’t know what you’re trying to say.”

“Oh, I’m sure.” Colt glances at Eren, who is curiously looking around the internment zone. “You look like you’re able to walk much better now. Maybe you’ll be able to speak soon, too!”

Eren seems to understand that Colt’s talking to him, because he turns to stare. But he doesn’t seem to quite understand everything that Colt is saying. He tilts his head to the side, curiously.

“Just keep up with Porco. He’ll teach you,” Colt says with a grin.

Eren stares at Colt for a second longer. Then he grins, too, echoing the one on Colt’s face. Porco tries not to feel too peeved when Colt’s face flushes red. 

*

The first thing they do is report to Magath to show him that nothing bad has happened. Magath looks a little concerned about Eren’s state of dress but doesn’t comment on it. So Porco pretends that there’s nothing wrong with what Eren’s wearing, too.

But now that they’ve finished that, Porco realizes there’s not much else to do. 

He tries to give Eren a tour, but Eren doesn’t seem all that interested in the building. So the two end up in the gardens, Eren curiously peering at all the flowers and plants. At one point, Eren tries to give a squirrel a chase, but the shackles on his ankles trip him up. It takes everything Porco has to not laugh at the dismayed expression on Eren’s face.

“Huh. So that’s what Colt meant.”

Porco’s head snaps over at the sound of Pieck’s voice. She has a conflicted smile on her face as she comes to settle by Porco’s side. 

“Hey,” he greets her.

“Hey to you, too,” she says with a small nod.

Eren must have found something extra interesting, because he seems to be really carefully watching something on the ground. Did he find an ant hole? Or perhaps it’s a coin that someone dropped? Porco is a second away from calling out to him when Pieck begins to talk.

“Have you seen Ymir’s memories?”

“Yeah,” Porco answers. “I saw what caused Eren’s… current state.”

Pieck is quiet for a second. Then… 

“Isn’t it appalling? It’s something that never should have happened. Any of us could have prevented it. All we had to do was stop Reiner. But I… I couldn’t move. Even though I heard everything clearly, I pretended to be asleep. I pretended to not know.”

Porco doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do. Is he supposed to comfort her? Is he supposed to scold her? Or maybe he should just quietly listen? What the hell does she want from him?

“And when he just started to lash out almost mindlessly, I felt so relieved. Look, I justified to myself. This is just how he is. He is an ‘Eldian Devil’ like what we’ve heard since childhood. But… that’s not the truth is it? He is just a normal Eldian like us that had the misfortune of being caught up in this mess.”

“Pieck, what do you want me to say? Do you want me to judge you? Do you want me to yell? Is that what this is? Are you using me to make yourself feel better?”

She winces, taking a step away from him as if he’s someone to be feared. It frustrates him. She’s the one who approached him. She’s the one who tried to take advantage of him. Why the hell does she get to pretend like she’s the victim when Eren’s the one who was trapped in a cage? Why the hell does he have to feel sorry for her when Eren’s the one whose wings have been clipped?

“If you want to repent, it’s not me you should be apologizing to,” he manages out.

“Do you… think he’ll understand?”

That pisses him off, too. Just because she thinks Eren might not understand, she’s not even going to try to explain herself? She’s not even going to apologize? Was Pieck always this kind of person?

“One way to find out. Hey Eren!”

At the sound of Porco’s voice, Eren snaps his head up with a grin. The grin on his face falters when he sees Pieck. But it’s not outright hate or anger. It’s more of caution. That’s a good sign. 

Eren seems to be cupping something in his hands. Porco figures it’ll be easier to go up to him than to ask him to come. So he approaches Eren, which seems to make Eren’s eyes light up at least. He thinks he hears Pieck slowly trailing behind him. That’s fine. It doesn’t sound like she’s that enthused about apologizing anyways.

“What do you have there?” Porco asks as he kneels next to Eren.

There’s a mischievous smile on Eren’s face as if he’s about to let Porco in on a secret. Just what did he find? Porco finds himself holding his hands out to see what it might be. Maybe an unusual button? A beetle? Please don’t let it be a cigarette butt. That’s a talk Porco doesn’t imagine would be very fun to have.

Eren giggles and leans in close. He puts his hands over Porco’s and…

What’s that slimy feeling and… H-huh? I-is it… wiggling…?

When Eren removes his hands, Porco lets out a very manly shout of disbelief. It is not a shriek. He most definitely did not shriek like a banshee, no matter what Pieck might say later. It was very manly. 

He shakes his hands wildly to get rid of the worm Eren placed there, standing up and jumping around to try to get rid of the yucky feeling on his hand. Oh god. Oh god. Why would you do that, Eren? Why the hell did you think that’s a good idea and…

Eren looks hurt by Porco’s reaction, but also a bit worried. He tilts his head, trying to understand why Porco reacted like that. But Porco doesn’t know how to explain just how disgusting it is to touch a worm with your hands and… Why the hell does this not bother Eren?!

“Okay?” Eren asks him.

Porco closes his eyes and takes a deep breath to calm himself. The gross feeling of the worm still lingers unpleasantly on his hand. But at least he’s no longer jumping around like a madman. He kneels next to Eren again, sighing heavily.

“Yeah, I’m okay now.”

Eren reaches over, possibly trying to ruffle Porco’s hair or something. But Porco does not want a hand that’s been touching a worm just few seconds ago anywhere near his hair. He quickly grabs Eren’s hands to save himself. But somehow, Eren seems to like this quite a lot, because he giggles.

“You’re lucky that you’re cute,” Porco grumbles sourly.

A giggle catches their attention. Right. Pieck. 

Damn it. She just saw something extremely embarrassing.

Pieck quickly schools her expression to be neutral when Porco shoots her a glare. She pretends to clear her throat.

“Thanks,” she says softly.

Look, he didn’t just make a fool of himself to help her get over her nerves. If she really thinks that highly of herself, he’s okay with her just leaving. 

Then she kneels before Eren with a serious expression. Eren watches her with wariness but doesn’t try to get his hands back from Porco. Is that a sign that Eren trusts his decision and the people around him? Will Eren be a little more receptive towards Colt now?

“I’m sorry,” Pieck says. “I’m so, so sorry. I… I should have stopped Reiner. I should have spoke out against what we did. I shouldn’t have just kept my head down. But now Ymir and Historia are both dead after suffering so much. And now you’re… they’ve turned their sights on you. When you attacked us with all those pure titans, I thought I’d be fine if you just dropped dead. But this isn’t what I wanted. I didn’t want any of you to go through this.”

There is no sign of understanding in Eren’s eyes as Porco feared. But Eren finally takes his hands back from Porco. He hesitates for a second before reaching and touching Pieck’s sleeve. It’s a tentative hold. Something a small child might do when they’re scared of approaching a grown up.

“Y-yes?” Pieck asks with an encouraging smile.

“S-sorry,” Eren tells her.

He looks like he wants to say more, but he seems to be at a loss for words. His brows furrow, and he looks frustrated yet again. Porco wishes that he can help form the words, but he’s not sure why Eren is apologizing. If anything, Eren should be glaring at Pieck, waiting for her to grovel at his feet for forgiveness. 

“Sorry,” Eren repeats again, looking disappointed at himself for not being able to say more.

Just a little, Porco wonders if Eren wants to heal his mind. Does he want to be able to form words? Does he want to be able to converse normally with Porco? 

Is that too selfish of a thought for him to have?

Eren releases Pieck’s sleeve, pulling his hand back like he’s afraid. Pieck surprises them by taking his hand in her own.

“This probably won’t mean much to you. And you probably don’t even get what I’m saying. But I want to help you. I want to make it up to you. For all the times I should’ve helped but didn’t. For all the times I looked the other way. Please, won’t you allow me this?”

Green eyes stare coldly at Pieck, assessing the situation. Then slowly, they lock onto Porco. Is he asking for Porco’s input? But even if Porco says something, would Eren understand? It’s definitely not a bad thing to have Pieck on their side. But he doesn’t know how to explain the nuance of using people to someone whose grasp on the language is worse than Colt’s baby brother’s. 

“It’s your choice,” Porco says finally. “If you don’t want to, you don’t have to accept.”

Pieck’s eyes look sad, but she doesn’t look deterred. “I swear to you that I don’t mean any harm.”

Eren closes his eyes for a second and takes a small breath in. Then he offers Pieck a small, hesitant smile. Porco and Pieck both understand that to mean acceptance. He doesn’t think Pieck will ever make them regret this, but he sure hopes Eren understands exactly what he just did.

Pieck lets out a relieved laughter, her shoulders slumping slightly, before she releases Eren’s hand so she can throw her arms around him. Eren tenses at the contact. For a short moment, Porco actually thinks he might bite or scratch her to free himself. But then those green eyes meet Porco’s, and Eren’s lips pull into a thin line.

Eren lets Pieck hold him like that, tense as he is.

Belatedly, Porco wonders if Eren accepted without knowing what was being said because he thought Pieck was Porco’s friend.


	5. this is the night when these woods sigh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things to note:
> 
>   1. This story will have 8 chapters.
>   2. I have added "Suicidal Thoughts" to the tags/warnings. This pertains only to the last chapter, but I wanted to mention it.

They end up going home with Pieck, much to Porco’s annoyance. Because this means that his mom and Pieck will now double-team Porco to go shopping for Eren’s clothes.

He can’t believe he actually hates being right.

“I can’t believe you, Porco!” Pieck exclaims when she learns who dressed Eren this morning. “Look at him! He looks miserable in such a tacky outfit!”

Porco’s mom nods, looking far too amused. “See, Porco? Pieck gets it.”

Eren looks fine as he stares at the fishes in the aquarium. So they can both stuff it.

They’re currently in the biggest clothing shop in the internment zone, which isn’t saying much since this place is smaller than the smallest Marley shops. There are three curtained areas near the back that serves as changing rooms and about four racks of clothes in the middle of the aisle with the rest of the clothes and display items along the walls. 

Porco thinks that this entire shopping trip is a stupid idea.

He comes to stand by Eren’s side, since both Pieck and his mom are being stupid. They possibly yelled something more at him, but he ignores all of it in favor of watching Eren’s bright green eyes reflected by the aquarium. 

“Do you like fish?” Porco asks.

Eren startles at the question and turns to look at Porco with wide eyes. He quickly stands in between the aquarium and Porco, making himself as big as he can as if to hide the aquarium from Porco’s view. 

“W-what?” he asks, feeling baffled. 

But Eren looks at him with a pout on his face, clearly disliking something. 

“Maybe he’s afraid that you’ll shake the fish like you shook off the worm,” comes Pieck’s unhelpful voice.

“What happened?” Porco’s mom asks, eyes widening in shock.

Pieck goes into great detail about the events that transpired before she apologized to Eren. And as much as Porco wants to protest and call Pieck names, he feels that it’s more important to deal with Eren right now.

“I-I’m… not going to hurt the fish, if that’s what you’re scared of.”

Eren continues to pout at him. Porco can’t tell if he understands what’s happening or has come up with a different conclusion altogether. Damn it. Why is figuring out how others feel so complicated?

Porco rubs the back of his neck, trying to figure out how to explain this to Eren. He’s coming up blank. 

With a soft sigh, he holds his hands up in the air. Is this the same gesture that people inside the walls use? He’s not sure. But Eren seems a little more receptive of it.

“See?” Porco says. “C’mon, Eren. You know me.”

Eren stares at him for a beat longer before nodding solemnly. He moves to the side and lets Porco see the aquarium with him. 

Victory.

Porco ruffles Eren’s hair, earning himself a cute little giggle. 

Perhaps this shopping trip isn’t all bad.

*

“Oh, you might need help with the next one. It has a zipper,” Pieck says.

Before Porco can warn her or stop her, she opens the curtain where Eren has been changing. There’s a small squeak of sound as her face goes beet red. She quickly closes the curtain, yelling bunch of apologies.

She covers her face, still apologizing.

Porco tries not to laugh too loudly and gets elbowed by his mom for his efforts.

“Hey,” Pieck says slowly as she turns to look at the Galliards. “Why doesn’t Eren have any underwear?”

“He needs to wear dresses and skirts because the shackles get in the way of putting on pants. You really think he can wear underwear?” Porco says. His mom elbows him again, but he lets it go since it’s clearly his victory.

Eren peeks his head out from behind the curtain with a look of confused curiosity. 

Porco gives him a grin and a thumbs up. Eren still looks a bit confused, but he sees Porco’s grin and grins back. He returns behind the curtain to finish changing. Porco chuckles happily and then realizes both his mom and Pieck are staring at him like he’s an alien.

“What?” he asks them.

“Nothing,” they both say with voice that clearly suggests it’s not nothing.

He doesn’t like this, but neither of them will clue him in. And before he asks, Eren walks out from behind the curtains with the latest dress. It’s annoying. But he’ll have to ask them later, because right now, he just wants to tell Eren that he's the cutest person in the world.

*

Eren looks completely exhausted. He glares at the next pile of skirts and dresses Pieck and Porco’s mom was able to find despite this place being such a small store. Porco isn’t sure if he should be impressed by them for finding all of these or by the store for somehow fitting all these clothes somewhere.

“Isn’t this enough?” Porco asks, mentally wincing at how tired Eren looks. 

“But he’ll be really cute in this one!” Pieck insists.

“Yeah, but we’ve been at it for the last two hours. Aren’t you guys hungry? Look, he's tired. Let’s just stop here for today.”

Porco’s mom glances at Eren with a look of an apology. “I suppose we did pick a lot… Eren, we’re sorry. We pushed you too much, didn’t we? Shall we go home and eat?”

Eren watches their talk warily. When he sees that they’re now smiling at him, he offers a hesitant smile for them. But his eyes stay glued on the clothes. 

He doesn’t relax until Porco takes his hand and pulls him out of the area. Then it must have sunk in that they’re done here. Because Eren beams. He squeezes Porco’s hand in what Porco thinks is supposed to be a thanks and grins brightly.

Porco wonders if it’s normal for his heart to be fluttering this much.

*

His mom has outdone herself. With a grin on her face, she presents her most recent mashed potato with vegetable chunks for Eren to eat.

Porco has no idea what’s going through Eren’s head as he stares at the colorful vegetables peeking out from the masses of potato. Then Eren turns to Porco, eyes wide in what has to be excitement. Porco finds himself laughing.

“Alright, alright. Here.”

He scoops some up for Eren to eat, and Eren doesn’t hesitate. There’s a small pause as Eren seems to explore the taste then…

He giggles happily and nods.

Porco takes that as his turn to eat and then offers another spoonful of mashed potato for Eren. 

“Can he not grip the spoon?” Pieck asks, looking bemusedly at the two of them.

As someone who is intruding on their dinner time, Porco is of the opinion that Pieck should just shut up.

“Yeah. He has trouble using his hands.”

But now that Porco thinks about it, Eren had no trouble picking up the worm. Not to mention that Eren has no problems walking around now. Huh? Maybe his muscles have already gotten completely used to every day normal things? Does that mean Porco is just getting in his way?

Eren looks at him curiously and opens his mouth.

Slowly, Porco puts the spoon in Eren’s hand. As he feared. Eren can grip if just fine now. Eren tilts his head and looks at the spoon in his hand and then back at Porco. Then he must have realized something because he carefully scoops a bit of mashed potato (just like how Porco does it) and holds it up to Porco’s mouth with a grin.

Porco’s cheeks heat up.

Faintly, he’s aware of Pieck giggling. But he can’t focus on that. He can’t focus on anything but that bright smile on Eren’s face as he holds the mashed potato up for Porco to eat. That genuinely happy smile. That kind-hearted smile. That…

Porco accepts the food, feeling like he shouldn’t be this happy to be eating Eren’s food.

But Eren laughs like it’s only expected. He eats a spoonful himself before holding up another for Porco.

“N-no, this is for you,” Porco tries to say. 

But as soon as his mouth opens, Eren shoves the spoon in. Then he has the nerve to grin like Porco isn’t choking on mashed potato right now.

“Listen, you brat!” Porco snaps. He grabs Eren’s hand holding the spoon and points at the plate of mashed potato. “That. All of that is for you.”

To emphasize his point, he points at Eren. 

“For you.”

Eren glances at the plate and then back up at Porco. His eyes widen as if he just realized a secret. Did it work? Does he understand? 

There are tears in Eren’s eyes as he stares at the plate of mashed potato again. 

And no. No, no, no! This is not how… 

Damn it! Where did he lose Eren? What part did Eren not understand? Was it the whole thing? Does he just not understand that-

Eren quickly tries to wipe his tears, not realizing how much Porco’s heart aches at the sight. Was it because he got mad? Should he not have raised his voice? Was his body language too aggressive? What is it, Eren? Please, Porco can’t understand this silence.

Porco sighs. He gently holds Eren’s cheeks so that Eren will look at him. Tearful green eyes look almost shyly at Porco. 

“Sorry,” he says. “I just meant… this food is for you to eat. And when you feel better, we can move on to other foods. You don’t have to keep sharing it with me.”

He doesn’t know if Eren understands. He doesn’t know what else he should say or do to make Eren understand.

Because tears are now falling freely from Eren’s eyes, and Porco just wants to shoot himself in the foot. 

“F-f-for you,” Eren stutters out.

And… huh?

Through his tears, he looks at Porco and smiles shakily. “For you?”

“No, you silly goof. This is all for you. That is… ‘for me,’ Eren.”

“For me,” Eren repeats.

Porco helps wipe the tears from Eren’s eyes. He’s not brave enough to kiss those tears away like Eren does for him. But he hopes that Eren can feel Porco’s affection through this small touch anyways.

At the very least, his mom and Pieck don't make any rude remarks.

*

“What are your intentions for Eren?” Pieck asks after dinner.

The four of them are in the living room now, Eren staring dismayed at the piles of clothes Porco’s mom is showing him how to fold. Pieck and Porco stand near the doorway to the kitchen to discuss quietly.

“Intentions? What do you mean?”

“I mean, you’ve been pushing for General Calvi and Commander Magath to meet Eren. So it’s clear that one of your goal was to get him out of that cage and those chains. But what do you want from him in return?”

Want…? Does he have to want something to help someone? Does he have to expect something in return for teaching Eren (or trying his best to, anyways) language?

“His freedom, I guess?”

Pieck’s eyes are much too sharp for this to be a mundane discussion. He absolutely hates her for looking like she knows something. Like she can see through Porco when Porco himself has absolutely no idea what he wants or what he’s doing.

“Porco, if you teach him how to communicate, he’s going to end up like us. There’s no ‘freedom’ to grant him. You… did think that through, didn’t you?”

Yeah, he knows. She doesn’t need to lecture him about it. It’s something that he did think about. But that requires them to first get to a point for Eren to understand Porco first, doesn’t she think?

“It’s not like there’s much other choice. It’s either that or leave him chained up,” he grumbles. 

“He could resent you. For making him understand and forcing him to obey the Marleys.”

Porco feels frustration mounting. Can she please not do this right now? He knows, alright? He knows what kind of a person Eren was before his mind was broken. He knows how angry and vicious Eren can get. He’s seen it through Ymir’s eyes. She doesn’t need to remind him like this.

“Then what do you suggest? That I kill him? That I eat him? Render the Founding Titan completely useless?”

Anger flashes in Pieck’s eyes as she grabs his shoulder as a warning. “Don’t you get it? They’re going to make him do the same thing they made Historia do. It’s not… It’s not just a matter of Eren using the Founding Titan for them. It’s also a matter of the future. The Marley will want as many children as possible with the royal blood for the sake of keeping the Founding Titan in their control.”

And Porco realizes that his thought process had been too naive. 

He’s been much too naive.

Unlike Historia, Eren doesn’t have a nine months waiting period either. He could just… They’ll end up with… Oh god.

He feels sick.

Pieck must have realized that he understood because she slowly releases him. She glares at the ground, looking miserable as he feels.

“I… don’t even have a good suggestion for what to do either. If we dissent with what they plan, our families will end up in trouble. But… I don’t want to abandon Eren like I did with Historia. I want to make it up to them. To all of them.”

But is there even something that they can do? Short of rebelling and starting a civil war, he can’t think of a single thing that they can do to free Eren from this hell. 

“Let… let me think it over.”

Pieck nods. “Sorry. I know you probably don’t want to think about it. But it’s better to try and figure something out now then to be caught off-guard when the Commander or the General bring it up, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Porco agrees faintly. “It’s… better to know now.”

But he doesn’t feel better at all. 

When Eren glances up and grins at Porco, all he feels is an acute sense of guilt and dread. 

Is there absolutely no way to save Eren?

*

He’s completely distracted by what Pieck said to properly register saying goodbye to her. And it’s not until he’s put Eren’s new clothes in his room that he realizes that Eren probably needs to take a shower.

“You… don’t really stink or anything,” Porco tries to reason.

But then he recalls the slimy worm on his hand. And yeah. Who’s he trying to kid? Eren most definitely needs a shower.

He hates this. He hates this. He hates this…? 

But wait! He doesn’t actually need to be in the bathroom with Eren, does he? Eren can walk and eat fine by himself now. He just needs to show Eren how to use the shower and that will be that, right?

“And you turn the water on like this,” Porco explains, turning the knob.

Eren watches with fascinated eyes as he stares at the water pouring out from the showerhead.

“Shampoo,” Porco says, tapping on the bottle. Then he points at the soap. “Soap to scrub yourself clean. Can I trust you to do this by yourself?”

Eren smiles like he always does, but Porco gets the feeling that he doesn’t understand. He feels like bursting into tears.

If he said something like “Take off your clothes,” would Eren understand? Or would Porco have to strip Eren himself? But doing something like that would make Eren hate him, wouldn’t it? To forcibly take someone’s clothes off is just… Just so wrong on so many levels. What should Porco do instead?

An idea occurs to him, and it takes everything he has to not turn as red as a tomato. Forcing himself to take a deep breath, he takes off his shirt. Then he glances at Eren.

He doesn’t know what that look on Eren’s face means. He doesn’t know how to read that expression in Eren’s eyes. 

Please, he wants to beg. Please don’t think of him as a pervert and just get in the shower.

Hoping against hope that this will work out, Porco reaches for his belt buckle and undoes his pants. He steps out of his pants and stands only wearing his blush and his boxers in front of Eren. Does Eren understand now? Does he know what Porco wants?

Slowly, clumsily, Eren reaches for his sundress and takes that off. There’s a light flush on his cheeks, and he won’t meet Porco’s eyes. He keeps his head down as if ashamed of something.

But Eren is now naked. 

Goal accomplished.

All that’s left is to make sure that Eren actually cleans himself. 

Porco moves slowly enough that Eren should be easily able to stop him. Then he nudges Eren towards the bathtub. He’s relieved to know that Eren does as bid, still refusing to meet his eyes. 

With Eren in the tub, Porco turns on the water, making Eren flinch.

“Hey,” Porco says softly. “C’mon, let’s wash your hair first.”

Porco first makes sure that Eren’s hair is suitably wet, doing his best to avoid Eren’s eyes. Then he takes Eren’s hand and pours a generous amount of shampoo in it. When Eren just stands there, holding his hand out, Porco tries to explain it better.

“Y-you rub it against your hair. It’s going to make all these suds and bubbles… Do you really not get what I’m saying? We’re trying to make sure that you’re clean.”

Slowly, Eren finally turns to set his green eyes on Porco. “Clean?” he asks.

“Bath. Shower. Getting clean. They’re all the same. Do you think you can do this by yourself? Because it’s uh… it’s clear that you’re uncomfortable and I’m kinda uncomfortable. And-”

Finally, there’s a flash of realization in Eren’s eyes. Oh whew. Then they don’t have to do this, right? Then he can get out of here and trust that Eren can do this himself? 

Eren stares at Porco’s state of undress. Porco doesn’t know how to explain himself other than to flush horrifically red. Please, he begs again in his head, don’t think that Porco’s a pervert. 

“Clean?” Eren asks again, this time motioning at Porco. Eren moves a little to the side so that Porco can squeeze in if he wants to.

“I’ll clean after you,” Porco says. 

To emphasize, he backs away from the tub. He picks up his clothes to put back on.

“J-join me?”

… Huh?

Porco slowly turns back to Eren, who is also blushing. Eren holds the blob of shampoo in his hand out towards Porco. And this has to be on purpose. Eren has to know exactly what he’s talking about, right? Eren has to be pretending not to know, right? Eren has just been playing all of them this entire time, right?

Right?

“I…” Porco’s mouth feels dry. “I-I’ll shower after you.”

Then he runs out of the bathroom, clutching tightly to his clothes. He makes sure to close the door so that the cold outside air doesn’t get in. And once he’s sure that Eren will be fine, he curls up in the middle of the hallway, trying to calm his racing heart.

What was that? What the hell was that? 

Eren just…? Invited him to shower with him? Huh? His innocent and cute Eren? So it has to be just an innocent question. Eren asked him to join him in the shower so they can both get clean fast. Yes. That’s what this is. It has nothing to do with…

With?

Why is he getting so flustered for? 

It’s just a shower. That’s all there is to it. There’s nothing more to it than that. 

He said so himself. He doesn’t want Eren to think of him as a pervert. So why the hell is he thinking like a pervert? It was just a shower. That’s it. 

That’s it.

He covers his red face. 

What the hell is wrong with him?

*

Eren must have figured out how to use the bathroom no problem, because he smells like shampoo and soap when he comes out of the bathroom in his sleepwear dress they bought today. He has a satisfied expression on his face. And when he sees Porco, he grins widely.

There’s no sign of the blushing guy who asked Porco to join him in the shower. And for that, Porco is infinitely grateful.

“I’m going to shower then,” Porco says.

He doesn’t meet Eren’s eyes as he runs for the bathroom.

*

Porco hears his mom’s laughter from the kitchen, so he heads there when he finishes his shower to pick up Eren. It looks like his mom prepared hot chocolate for them. But Eren is staring at his with the most distressed expression on his face.

When Porco walks in, Eren turns to him and motions in panic at his hot chocolate.

“Hm? Is there something wrong with it?” he asks.

Eren pouts, looking crossed with Porco. Seeing that he’s not going to get an answer here, Porco turns to his mom for help.

“Hehehe… Eren panicked when the whipped cream started melting.”

Trust his mom to not explain anything and just enjoy Eren’s panic. Porco reaches over and runs his fingers through Eren’s hair (dry now. His mom must’ve helped with that), calming Eren slightly.

“You’re supposed to drink it before it goes away completely,” Porco tells him gently.

Eren glares at his hot chocolate accusingly. Porco doubts Eren understood him as always. 

With a soft sigh, he leaves for the fridge and gets the whipped cream.

“Porco, you’re not going to…?” His mom watches in disbelief as he pours a bit more cream in Eren’s hot chocolate. “You’re spoiling him. He shouldn’t have that much sweet this close to his bed time.”

“It’s fine. He’s a shifter, so it’s not like it’ll give him any problems,” Porco argues.

Eren’s eyes are bright at the sight of the whipped cream in his hot chocolate. He lets out a delighted laugh and grins at Porco.

“Drink it before it goes away this time,” Porco tells him.

Eren tugs on Porco’s hand and motions at the hot chocolate. And Porco realizes that the reason why Eren waited so long until the whipped cream disappeared was because he wanted to share it with Porco. 

“This is for you,” Porco says.

Eren nods. “For you.”

One day, Porco will properly teach Eren the meaning behind those words. While thinking as such, he takes a sip of the hot chocolate, feeling the whipped cream on his upper lip. This is why he prefers mixing the cream into the hot chocolate before drinking it. He hates how it gets everywhere like this.

Eren giggles at him.

Well, he supposes this is fine, too. Eren looks happy so-

Eren leans forward and licks the leftover cream off of Porco’s lip. Then he turns his attention to the hot chocolate, completely unaware that Porco is frozen to the spot.

Because huh? What just happened? He’s suddenly feeling light-headed and a lot flustered. That drumming sound is probably his heart. But why is it beating so loudly? Why does his face feel so hot? Does he have a fever? If so, then it’ll be for the best that he and Eren not sleep in the same bed tonight. He wouldn’t want Eren to catch whatever he has. Because this has to be an illness, right?

Why else would he feel so out of breath? Why else would his temperature keep rising? Why else would he keep blushing so furiously? Why else would his heartbeat be going crazy?

“P-Porco?” his mom calls uncertainly.

Slowly, Porco drops his head in his hands, struggling to get himself under control again. He can feel both his mom and Eren stare at him curiously. 

“Okay?” Eren asks him.

“You little minx. You’re so lucky that you’re cute,” Porco grumbles. Then a little loudly, he says, “I’m fine. It’s nothing.”

He pretends that he can’t hear his mom laughing at him.

*

Eren rests his head against Porco’s chest, humming something lightly under his breath. 

“Isn’t that loud?” Porco mumbles.

Because his heartbeat hasn’t returned to normal despite his best efforts. What’s wrong with him? Why does he feel like he’s about to drop dead because his heart (and the rest of his body) keeps acting so strangely? He thought that being a titan means he won’t have to worry about things like this. But maybe he overestimated exactly what a titan can do?

Eren continues to hum, possibly not having heard Porco. 

“Y-you know, I might be sick. It might be best if you don’t stay so close to me.”

The humming stops. Eren moves his head so that his green eyes meet Porco’s. After a moment’s pause, Eren moves so that his forehead touches Porco’s.

Is he feeling for Porco’s temperature? So he understood what Porco just said?

“Hey, how much do you actually understand? You clearly know more than what you let on, don’t you?”

“… H-hard.”

Porco blinks. “What is?”

“W-words.”

He waits some more to see if Eren will say anything more. But that’s all he’ll say. 

“Coming up with words is hard, you mean? Putting your thoughts into words?”

There’s a small nod from Eren.

“Yeah, I struggle with it, too.”

Eren’s eyes widen in surprise. He looks at Porco, clearly expecting him to say more on the topic.

“What is the ‘correct’ word to say? How should I phrase certain things so that it doesn’t come across as rude or hurtful? And on top of that, there’s all those rules about body language and tone of voice… It’s a pain! It’s a huge pain in the neck!”

He pauses to force himself to calm down. Eren’s green eyes stay trained on him all the while. 

“But you know, if you don’t speak up, you can’t let the people around you know how you feel. I… I feel lonely because I feel like I can’t connect with you. Like no matter what I say, you’ll just… look blankly at me because you don’t understand. I want to be able to talk to you. Eren, won’t you please… talk to me?”

A quiet moment passes between the two of them. 

Then slowly, Eren hides his eyes by burying his face against Porco’s chest.

“Sorry,” comes the muffled word. “Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.”

Porco tries not to feel too disappointed.

*

Marcel sighed and shook his head. "Why do you always rile everyone up?"

And look, it wasn't like Porco was trying to pick a fight. It just came out of his mouth. And by the time he registered the look of hurt on Bertolt's face, it was much too late to take anything back. Because Reiner grabbed him by the front of his shirt to shake him.

"I don't know, why did they get in my way?" 

Those words weren't what he wanted to say. This anger wasn't what he wanted to feel.

Marcel looked as frustrated as Porco felt. He ran his fingers through his hair, muttering lightly. 

"Porco, you can't always just expect me to play the peacemaker. You need to start thinking more than just right now. One wrong word can have our entire family killed. Do you want everyone to die?”

Well, that there was the problem, wasn’t it? Porco didn’t think. His brain was “wired” straight to his mouth. He spoke or moved before any kind of thought had time to be processed. 

“Then don’t leave me alone! If you just stay with me always, you don’t have to worry about that!”

Marcel’s face fell. 

Again, he did it again. That was the wrong thing to say. That was the hurtful thing to say. But Marcel, you of all people knew the truth. You knew that Porco didn’t think. You knew that Porco needed someone to help him.

So why did you leave?

Why did you…?

Porco slowly comes to by someone’s aggressive shaking. Groaning softly, he looks up into worried green eyes.

“What?” he mumbles groggily.

Eren relaxes immediately, his shoulders slumping. 

“Why’d you wake me?”

There’s a small pause as Eren seems to try to come up with the words. The look of frustration returns to his face as he tilts his head, thinking. Then slowly he reaches up and places his hands on Porco’s cheeks.

Somehow, that simple motion is more than enough for Porco to realize what happened.

“I was crying, huh?”

Eren hesitates for a second. “Okay?”

“If… if I’m not okay, what would you do?”

Is that too selfish of a question to ask? Is that too self-serving? 

Recently, the things he say makes him hate himself more and more.

Eren bites his lips, looking completely uncertain. Yeah. Porco knows. Eren doesn’t have to make that face. 

“Sorry,” Porco says softly. “It’s fine. You don’t need to answer.”

He pretends that he can’t see the hurt in Eren’s green eyes and waits for sleep to claim him.


	6. come with me

Colt grins victoriously as he holds up a book about origami in their main hang-out area in the headquarters.

“Eren, do you know what this is? This is called origami. Do you have things like this in Paradis?”

Green eyes regard Colt warily. It seems that Eren still haven’t forgiven Colt for that grudge from such a long time ago. It makes Porco laugh. Eren forgave Pieck so easily. But he draws a line with Colt?

“I’m shocked you brought those in. I thought you were going to teach Falco,” Porco says.

Colt makes a face that is too obvious what happened. Porco tries hard to control his laughter. But Eren must have picked up on his good mood, because he grins, too. Colt gives them both a judging look.

“W-well, anyways. I’m sure you won’t be like my little brother and put these in your mouth.” Colt takes out a brightly colored paper and puts it in front of Eren. “You take these and fold them to make fun shapes.”

Eren touches the bright yellow and holds it up to examine. Colt seems to be encouraged by that.

“Let’s make something easy first!”

*

Porco is actually pretty impressed with how quickly Eren picks up origami. With soft hums under his breath, he copies exactly what Colt does. It doesn’t look like he understands what Colt is saying, but he does preen when Colt compliments him. At the very least, it looks like Colt is making a much better impression on Eren now.

“At this rate, you’ll be much better than me!” Colt says with a laugh.

Eren grins back at him, while looking like he doesn’t have any clue what Colt is saying. Porco wonders if it’s normal to smile so much while watching Eren do something as mundane as folding paper.

A soft knock on the door is the only warning they have before the door opens. 

“… assume that it’ll last two months. So pack…”

Zeke trails off when he realizes the room is occupied. Pieck takes her attention off of him. She glances into the room and smiles at the sight of the origami papers on the table. But everyone else’s attention is held by the two brothers.

Eren’s green eyes are dilated, watching Zeke for any sign of danger. His lips are drawn back into not quite a snarl but Porco feels like it’s approaching it. His muscles are tense. But it feels less like he is angry and more like…

Like he is genuinely afraid of what Zeke might do.

Zeke’s expression is hooded, but Porco can’t help but to think that it looks sad somehow. He lets out a sound that seems a cross between a sigh and a small release of breath. 

“I can see that I’m unwelcomed,” he says, defeated.

Then he turns to leave.

“W-wait!”

It’s not just Zeke that freezes at the sound of that voice. The chair clatters loudly as Eren tries to hurry, only to trip on his shackles. An annoyed growl fills the silence of the room as Eren forces himself to stand back up. It’s no longer fear in his eyes, Porco notes. It’s determination. It’s desperation. It’s-

Zeke hasn’t changed his position. He’s still forcibly making himself face the door, one hand on the doorknob. But he hasn’t turned it. He hasn’t left yet. Eren still has this chance.

Eren’s hand grabs the back of Zeke’s jacket, holding it so delicately that any smallest of movements will knock his hand off. It feels like it’s a reflection of his own fragile feeling right now. How uncertain he must be to reach out to his older brother that he had tried to kill before. How terrified he must feel to talk to the man who killed what little remained in his heart.

“B-brother,” Eren stammers out. 

He hesitates. Not because he’s scared of what to say, but because he is struggling to come up with words. And once again, Porco wishes that he could help. He wishes he knew what Eren wanted. But Porco is lucky if he knows what he wants, what he’s feeling. How the hell is he supposed to read someone else on top of that?

Unlike Marcel, Porco isn’t someone that considerate.

“Sorry,” Eren finally manages out. He slowly releases Zeke’s jacket, looking far more disappointed in himself than he has any right to be. “Sorry. Sorry. Sor-”

Porco doesn’t think he’s alone in being completely caught off-guard by Zeke. Because the usually calm and collected War Chief turns around and holds Eren close to himself. There’s a broken sound that’s quite possibly a sob. And the two clutch tightly to each other, finally hugging for the first time after realizing that they’re brothers.

They all pretend they can’t hear the brothers cry.

*

Zeke and Pieck joins the origami session. Just a little, Porco fears that Bertolt and Reiner will walk in, too. But there hasn’t been any sign of that so far.

“L-like this?” Zeke asks Eren, who giggles and takes the folded paper from Zeke.

He shows it to Porco with a huge grin on his face. Porco honestly can’t tell if Eren is mocking Zeke for the mistakes he made in folding that or proud of him for finishing it. But Porco finds himself grinning anyways at how happy Eren seems.

Eren gives Zeke another piece of paper and looks at his brother expectantly. It seems that he has no plans on giving back the other one. So maybe it was bragging? Zeke at least looks amused.

“What are you going to do with that other one?” Zeke asks Eren.

Eren continues to smile but shows no sign of understanding the question. Zeke’s smile takes on a sad tint. He raises his hand (moving slowly as Porco warned him to) and ruffles Eren’s hair, prompting a small giggle.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you.”

Green eyes look at Zeke curiously. He most likely registered the word “sorry,” but Porco has no idea if he understood the rest of the words. Or perhaps he does know and is curious as to what Zeke is referring to? Does Zeke mean protecting Eren against Reiner’s rock or from the chains and the cage? Or maybe Zeke just means everything in general?

Eren lets out a soft sound as if realizing something. He begins to search through all the different origami that he’s folded with Colt. Then he must have found something because he picks it up and gives it to Zeke.

“I-is this for me?” Zeke asks, sounding touched.

“For me,” Eren echoes.

“‘For you,’” Porco corrects.

Eren looks surprised but nods determinedly. “For you.” 

Porco glances at the shape, wondering what it can possibly be. Colt had insisted that each of the origami they made were of animals, but Porco honestly doesn’t see it. It’s just random shapes folded again and again.

Eren points to the origami that Zeke is now holding. “Brother,” he says.

“O-oh! It’s the monkey that we made!” Colt realizes, mercifully saving them all from trying to guess what this is.

Zeke’s eyes tear up. Porco immediately changes the topic in hopes of not seeing their usually more dignified War Chief cry again.

“Hey Eren, what about me? You don’t have anything for me? … Or Colt or Pieck?”

Colt gives Porco a look as if asking him why he’s an afterthought. Pieck seems to be sniggering, not that Porco’s checking. 

Eren tilts his head to the side, staring at Porco. Then he grins like he has no idea what Porco is talking about.

He… probably should have seen that one coming, huh?

Damn it. It’s so childish of him to be pouting. He knows that. And it’s not like he wants one of these misshapen shapes of paper or anything. But it’s just… What about Porco, Eren? Don’t you like him? Or is this a special privilege Eren saved just for his big brother? It’ll be super childish and petty to bring up the fact that Zeke killed everyone he loved, right?

Eren pokes Porco’s cheek with a grin. It feels too much like he’s getting back at him for all the times Porco poked Eren’s cheeks. Damn it, Eren. Stop being so damned cute.

He realizes belatedly that Zeke is watching the two of them with a guarded look. Mentally, he prepares himself for whatever Zeke has to say.

*

Lunch is a chicken salad sandwich that Porco’s mom went out of her way to cut into small chunks. Porco feels like they should have saved the hard food for when they return home for Eren to try, but he’s also feeling a bit hopeful.

Eren’s eyes are absolutely bright as he impatiently watches Porco take the sandwich container out. 

“Hungry?” Porco asks him.

Eren grins in response.

With a smile on his own face, Porco pushes the container into Eren’s hands. That, that actually makes Eren’s grin fall. And huh? Didn’t Eren want to eat? Why is he looking at Porco like that?

Porco takes out his own sandwich container to assure Eren that he’s going to eat, too. But Eren looks… looks like he’s crossed about something.

“What?” he asks.

Eren pouts at him for a second before he must have decided what he wants to do. He snatches Porco’s container out of his hands. 

“H-huh?! T-that’s for me.”

Eren nods. “For me.”

“N-no! Hey, don’t you dare do this to me now. Give that back and eat your own food!”

Instead of listening to Porco, Eren puts his own sandwich container into Porco’s hands. Then he looks at Porco determinedly.

“This isn’t my lunch,” Porco tries to explain. “This is for you.”

“For you,” Eren echoes.

Porco feels a headache developing. Does Eren really have to do this now? 

“Alright! Fine! That’s how you want to do it, then I’ll eat this myself!”

Porco angrily yanks the container open and then finds himself freezing. Because Eren dares to open his mouth, waiting to be fed.

It wasn’t that Eren wanted to eat Porco’s lunch. He wanted Porco to feed him. 

This… this spoiled… 

His anger leaves him. He feels a blush growing on his cheeks. Because damn it. Damn it. That’s cute, isn’t it? It’s normal to think that this is cute, right? And if Eren could communicate more clearly, Porco wouldn’t have gotten so angry or heated. And instead, he would’ve just sat there, shimmering as the blood rushes to his face because damn it, Eren’s cute.

Porco picks up a small chunk of sandwich and holds it up to Eren’s mouth. He tries really hard not to blush even harder when he feels Eren’s mouth against his fingers. 

Figuring that he won’t be able to eat until Eren finished, he picks up another piece and…

Eren opens the container holding Porco’s lunch. He looks a little confused as to why Porco’s aren’t cut into smaller pieces. But he determinedly picks one up for Porco to eat.

“I-I can eat later,” Porco says. 

But Eren holds the sandwich to Porco’s mouth, grinning. And it seems that Porco is actually rather weak to Eren’s grins. Because he finds himself eating despite his own words.

They eat their sandwiches together under the tree in the courtyard, away from everyone else.

*

“Porco, a word, if I may?” 

Here it comes. The talk with Zeke that Porco figured was coming.

Porco nods. “Yes sir.”

He glances over at Colt, who immediately ushers Eren to play in the gardens. Eren glances at Porco curiously, but when Porco gives him a smile, he seems to relax and trust Colt. 

“Pieck, if you can give us some space?” Zeke asks.

There’s a look of shocked reluctance on Pieck’s face but only for a second. She plasters on a cheerful smile and agrees. Zeke makes sure she has moved completely out of earshot before turning to Porco.

“First, thank you for not giving up on Eren,” he says.

That can’t be why he asked for a quiet conversation. Porco really hopes that this doesn’t become another discussion about what Pieck guessed Marley’s plan might be for Eren. Because he still has no idea what to do about that whole thing and really doesn’t want to talk to Zeke about it.

“Second… a-about what Eren is wearing… I-is that your preference?”

That is not at all what Porco thought his War Chief will say. He chokes on air at the implication.

“N-no! I-it’s all he could wear because of the shackles! H-he can’t get his legs through his pants!”

And yeah, Porco doesn’t mind that Eren is wearing dresses anymore, especially since he looks so cute. But he gets the feeling that Eren will look cute in anything, especially Porco’s jackets or shirts or… A-anyways, Porco didn’t purposefully make Eren dress like this because of his own perverted desires or whatever Zeke thinks. Please don’t tank Porco’s already poor reputation!

Zeke doesn’t look like he believes Porco at all, much to his humiliation. Please, Zeke is absolutely the last person Porco wants to have this conversation with. Actually, no. That might be Magath or Calvi. Because that’s… You know what? He’s not going to think about it. 

“Third, what’s your next plan?”

Oh, good. Now that Zeke has caught him off-guard, he’s going to ask the hard questions. Porco really wishes he wasn’t dealing with this alone.

“M-my…?” he asks eloquently.

Zeke seems a bit disappointed as he explains himself. “You got Eren to speak. You convinced the Marleys to let Eren out with just the shackles. It looks like Eren’s comfortable around Pieck now. Not to mention, he seems happy enough with me. So what’s next? Are you going to get him to face Reiner and Bertolt?”

That’s…

He didn’t think about it. 

Rather, he doesn’t want to think about it. He doesn’t want to force Eren to face Reiner. Bertolt, maybe. But not Reiner. Besides, this should be something that Eren decides to do on his own. Just like Eren decided to approach Zeke himself. Porco doesn’t think that he or any of the others have any right to ask Eren to face anyone.

“If… Eren wants to, then sure,” Porco manages out eventually.

Zeke seems oddly satisfied with that answer. Porco isn’t sure why. He didn’t say anything definitive. 

“By any chance, do you think… Eren would be interested in meeting his grandparents?”

Porco shrugs helplessly. “You’ll have to ask him.”

There’s a look on Zeke’s face like a certain reluctance. He asks, “Would he understand if I do?”

Why is everyone asking this? Why don’t they just talk to Eren to see if it works? If Eren doesn’t understand, he doesn’t understand. You try your best to help him understand. And if he does understand, great. There’s no problem. You just move on with your life.

“War Chief, nothing ventured, nothing gained.”

That seems to have given Zeke the courage he needs, because he smiles softly. 

“My apologies, Porco. You’re right. I’ll ask him.”

*

Eren shows no sign of having understood Zeke’s request. But he takes Porco’s hand and stares expectedly at Zeke when it’s time to go home. Zeke beams at the sight and excitedly leads them to the Jaeger Clinic, talking about whatever seems to come to his mind.

When Porco was younger, he used to spend a lot of time here. It wasn’t quite that he was sickly. But he was a careless child who acted on instinct before he thought things through. He got banged up here and there quite often. He did come here once or twice due to a bad cold, though. So it’s not like he’s an idiot who never caught a cold or anything. 

“Hello Dr. and Mrs. Jaeger,” Porco greets. 

“Oh, if it isn’t Porco! It’s been so long,” Mrs. Jaeger greets with a soft smile. 

Dr. Jaeger’s smile is much broader. “How have you been doing? And… who is this?”

“Grandma, grandpa,” Zeke says softly. “This is Eren Jaeger. He’s… He’s dad’s other kid.”

*

The explanation goes pretty well, if Porco says so himself. He’s pretty sure it’s because both Dr. Jaeger and his wife are too shell-shocked to react properly to what Zeke explained. But that’s probably best left for a private family discussion when Porco isn’t around. So he’s not going to comment on it. 

Instead, he tries to convince Eren to take off his jacket. 

Since they’re here at a clinic anyways, Porco thinks this is a good time as any to get those scars and bruises on Eren looked at. Some of the bruises have started to lighten in color. But the scars haven’t healed much. There’s probably not much that can be done for it, but Porco doesn’t want to take this chance when he has it. 

“Clean?” Eren asks, tilting his head to the side. 

“Huh? N-no! We’re not cleaning. We’re just… taking it off to get you looked at. So uh… h-healing! Yeah!” Porco tries to explain.

Eren doesn’t look like he understand, so Porco gives up. His face is red as he takes off his shirt. He can feel the Jaeger family giving him a judging look, but please. Just… go with him for now.

“See? Just the top,” Porco says. Then he makes a motion of showing his arm to Dr. Jaeger. “We’re going to get it looked at like this.”

Dr. Jaeger seems to understand what Porco is doing because his eyes soften. He looks at Porco’s arm as if to examine it, playing along with what Porco is doing. Seeing that, Mrs. Jaeger and Zeke plays along, too. It makes Porco feel like a kid with so many people crowding around his arm. 

Eren watches all of this with an adorable head tilt. Then he curiously joins them to look at Porco’s arm to examine it. Belatedly, Porco realizes that maybe this wasn’t the best plan. But any words of protest dies down at the sight of Eren’s grin when he pokes Porco’s arm.

Damn Eren for always looking so cute. 

“Everything looks fine, Porco. Now, why don’t we look at yours, Eren?” Dr. Jaeger asks gently.

Eren stares at the doctor blankly. Then he turns to Porco questioningly. When Porco makes a motion to take off his jacket, Eren’s eyes light up in understanding. He bobs his head excitedly and takes off his jacket. Then he holds his arm to Dr. Jaeger. Whew. Disaster averted. Porco puts his shirt back on and lets out a sigh of relief.

Not that it lasts long.

Both Dr. Jaeger and his wife’s eyes widen at the sight of the scars. The bruises are light enough that Porco doesn’t think it should bother them. But it must still be pretty alarming to see. He has no idea how Zeke feels about the whole thing, because his expression is guarded. But it won’t be shocking if Zeke is currently running a list of all possible reasons where Eren might have gotten these. Later, Porco should ask so he can compare notes.

“I think these are from the chains that held him down. He’s slow to heal, but I think that might have been because of the lack of food he’s been getting. But uh… t-these are okay, right? Like they’re not infected or anything?”

“These are clean cuts,” Dr. Jaeger says with a tight expression on his face. “Chains don’t do that.”

Porco didn’t need to know that. He could have gone his entire life without knowing that. And from the look on Zeke’s face, it looks like he’s not alone in being caught off-guard by those words. 

“… Okay?” Eren asks them with a worried expression, mirroring theirs. 

“Eren.” Mrs. Jaeger gently takes his hands into hers, pressing a light kiss on his fingers. “Do you like fruits? It’ll help you heal these fast. You poor thing must have worried a lot about these scars. Don’t worry. With the cream and fruits grandma will get for you, you’ll have beautiful and flawless skin in no time.”

Porco doubts that Eren worries about such a thing. But he’s not so callous that he’ll tell her that. Instead, he meets eyes with Eren and gives him an encouraging smile.

Eren seems to take comfort in that and grins at Mrs. Jaeger. It makes her smile delightedly, so Porco is certain that this was the correct thing to do.

He’s really glad that he brought Eren here.

*

The cream that Mrs. Jaeger talked about smells like oranges. Eren keeps trying to lick it off, which makes Porco really wonder about how well this is going to work. Not that he’s doubting the effectiveness of the cream. But he’s worried that Eren will lick it all off before they do any good. But as instructed, he’ll do his best to help Eren put this on after baths and in the mornings.

“No, you silly goof. This is for your skin,” Porco tries to explain, pushing Eren’s head away from his arm.

He has no idea if Eren understands that or not. But from the way Eren’s brows stay furrowed as he glares at the cream, he has an inkling of feeling they’ll be fighting over this for a bit. At the very least, Eren hasn't tried to bite him for stopping him. Porco is just going to be thankful for small miracles. 

“Porco, you make quite a great older brother. Marcel will be proud,” Dr. Jaeger remarks.

What a low blow. Porco knows that it was said with good intention in mind. But he can’t help but to feel bitter anyways. Proud? Would Marcel really be? Porco feels like Marcel would have teased him mercilessly instead. And then he would have showered Eren with love and affection, because unlike Porco, Marcel was good at being kind. Marcel was good at reading people. Marcel was-

He feels Eren wrap his arms around him and peer at him curiously. Those green eyes seem to calm Porco. And isn’t that the strangest thing? It wasn’t that long ago that those green eyes terrified him in their intensity. But now, it’s the most calming thing in Porco’s life.

“… Hey Eren, are you wiping the cream on me?”

Eren looks at him with his usual grins that lets Porco know that he probably has no idea what Porco is talking about.

“You little minx…!”

*

They end up staying for dinner at the Jaegers’ insistence. 

And when they realize that Eren has just started eating hard food, they became very supportive of Eren, who beams under their praises. Porco wonders if Eren has any idea what their praises are about or what they’re for. Or if Eren just likes hearing such heartfelt sincerity from people. Because Eren’s smiles always seem a little more proud and happy when hearing praises. 

After dinner, Zeke and Mrs. Jaeger show Eren some of the family albums. Eren looks at all the photos with rapt attention as he did when he saw Porco’s pictures. Perhaps photos are not something that exists within the walls. Because Eren keeps staring at the photos and then at the people around him as if to compare and contrast. 

“And you’ve checked that he’s been going to the bathroom?” Dr. Jaeger asks Porco in the meanwhile.

Porco feels his face heat up. “Y-yes sir.”

Dr. Jaeger seems to notice his discomfort at least. He gives Porco an apologetic smile.

“Thank you for taking care of Eren. It can’t be easy, especially since he’s struggling so much with the language.”

“It’s really nothing. I… feel like Eren’s been taking care of me just as much. Is that weird?”

Dr. Jaeger chuckles. “Not at all. Eren may not understand everything, but he’s still your age. There’s probably a lot more that he’s picking up than you realize.”

Eren lets out a startled sound that catches all of their interest.

“Is something wrong, sweetie?” Mrs. Jaeger asks.

Eren points at a photo and grins brightly. “Dad!”

There’s a stunned pause before Mrs. Jaeger forces herself to smile.

“Yes, that’s Grisha, Zeke's… and your father.”

Porco feels like he’s been clued in on some important family secret here. But he can’t quite figure it out. The safest thing to do is probably to ignore it, but the mood seems to have shifted towards melancholy and he’s not sure if it’ll be welcomed for him to say something.

Eren seems completely unconcerned. Instead, he rushes over to Porco and drags him to the photo. He points at the young looking man holding what has to be baby Zeke.

“Dad,” Eren tells Porco with a giggle. Then he points to the baby. “Brother.”

“Oh, you were able to tell that it was Zeke right away,” Mrs. Jaeger says. The smile on her face seems a little more natural now.

Zeke ruffles Eren’s hair. “You’re very smart, aren’t you?”

Eren giggles. He turns to Porco as if expecting some kind of a praise. 

“What were you like when you were a kid?” he asks instead.

There’s a small head tilt that Eren does that makes Porco think that he probably didn’t understand the question as always. Porco sighs. How should he go about making it easier for Eren to understand?

“Brat,” Eren says. He seems to think about something a little more before he nods. “S-sheltered brat.”

He meets Porco’s eyes and grins like it’s a private joke.

Except it isn’t.

It’s not funny at all.

Isn’t that what Reiner called Eren when the rock…?

When Porco doesn’t grin back, Eren tilts his head, looking worried. He seems to think about something for a second before he leans in, touching his forehead against Porco’s.

There’s that spark between them again. And in that second, Porco sees…

“What do you have there, Eren?” Carla asked with a little chuckle.

“Mom! Armin taught me and Mikasa how to make flower crowns! Isn’t mine prettier? I made it for you!”

At such prideful words, Carla graceful knelt before her small child. Eren placed the flower crown on Carla’s head, beaming at the praises he received from his mom. Then he turned to Mikasa with a wide grin.

“C’mon, Mikasa. Don’t be shy!”

Mikasa hesitated with her own flower crown before making her way to Grisha, who was looking over some documents. He glanced up when she got close.

“Is something wrong?” he asked.

Shyly, she held the flower crown towards him.

“Mikasa made it for you, dad,” Eren said proudly. “She was a bit sloppy with hers, but she poured as much love as I did. So you have to thank her, okay?”

Grisha laughed. He got up from his chair so he could kneel before Mikasa. She placed the crown on Grisha’s head, looking completely awed by such a simple gesture. Then Grisha seemed to have noticed something because he took her hands.

“Why is your hand so red…?” Then his eyes widened in horrified realization. “Eren, let me see your hands!”

Eren tilted his head to the side, wondering why his dad was being so weird. He held up his hands, which had been itching for a while. But hey, whatever. Hands did that.

“Did you guys make flower crowns with poison ivy?!”

“Porco, are you alright?” Zeke asks, grabbing Porco’s shoulder.

Eren is distracted by another picture that his grandma is showing him. Dr. Jaeger has moved to stand with them as he regales Eren with stories of the past that Eren probably doesn’t quite understand fully. Zeke gives Porco a worried look.

“I-I’m okay,” Porco manages out.

Is he the only one who saw that? That… sweet family dynamic that Eren had before everything came crumbling down when Bertolt knocked down that wall? And now that he thought about it, the memory of the rock coming down against his head isn’t something that Ymir would’ve known. Ymir couldn’t have seen that because she was pretending to be sleeping at the time. 

Then that memory and the one he just saw must both be from…

Eren seems to sense that Porco is looking at him because he glances away from Dr. Jaeger to look at Porco. When their eyes meet, Eren grins.

Porco wonders if Eren realizes just how much of himself he’s shared with Porco.

*

It seems like Mrs. Jaeger will insist that they stay the night, so Porco quickly puts a stop to that by saying that his mom will be worried.

“You two should stop by whenever you can,” she insists.

“We will,” Porco promises.

Eren gives his big brother a hug and cheerfully tells him, “See you!”

Then to his grandparents, he waves and says, “See you!”

They laugh just as cheerfully and tells him that they’ll see him later. Porco feels glad that Eren learned to say “see you” instead of “bye.” And perhaps that was the point. Perhaps Eren wanted to tell people that he’ll see them again, because he’s already lost so many loved ones.

Porco squeezes Eren’s hand as the two of them begin their trek home.

Eren seems to like that, because he giggles and squeezes back.


	7. there are people who cannot speak without smiling

Zeke and PIeck end up going on a mission before the next meeting with Calvi. And Porco realizes just how much he would’ve appreciated their glibness and support when the General quirks a brow at the sight of Eren’s dress. 

Porco feels his cheeks heat up, but he ends up being unable to explain himself when Calvi doesn’t bring it up. He doesn’t want to bring attention to it if he doesn’t have to. But he’s itching to explain himself!

“His language learning is slow,” Porco reports instead. “But overall, he’s been behaving like a normal person.”

“Unbelievable. To think that a feral child will be able to make so much progress,” Calvi mutters, shaking his head.

The request to take the shackles off of Eren is at the tip of Porco’s tongue. 

After visiting the Jaeger family, somehow Porco’s mom and Mrs. Jaeger hit it off. Porco’s pretty sure it’s because they want to dote on their other grandson, but the Jaegers have been coming over quite a lot for meals. This, of course, eventually led to the uncomfortable discovery that Mrs. Jaeger thought that Eren was a girl due to the dress, and Porco’s mom betraying him to tell her, “Oh no. Eren’s just indulging Porco’s wishes.”

So, okay. Fine. His wish of getting those shackles off is more selfish than he wants to admit. But he thinks he’s allowed since he’s been embarrassed to hell and back by everyone about this.

“Any sign that he can use the Founding Titan’s ability?”

Porco shakes his head. “No sir. Just normal titan healing.”

It’s a lie, of course. Something tells him that saying the truth might make Calvi accuse them of lying about Eren having the Founding Titan. And right now, that’s the worst possible conclusion Calvi can draw. Especially because Porco saw it for himself in Ymir's memory of Eren using the Coordinate. 

“Why can’t that healing include the mind?” Calvi sighs. “Alright. We’ll continue to observe him then.”

Nothing about the shackles, huh? 

It burns him more than he’d like. He wants to be able to help Eren right now. But that’s not something that he can do. Not as he is right now, at least.

Will he ever be able to free Eren at this rate?

*

“That was so nerve wracking,” Porco groans as they pack up to leave.

Eren laughs, probably having no idea what Porco said. He pats Porco’s back as if to give him strength, though. 

Seeing Eren laugh like this makes Porco think about what Zeke asked him before. Is he going to ask Eren to face Bertolt and Reiner? Would asking such a thing remove that laughter from Eren’s lips? Would even the thought of the two of them make Eren flinch back? Or would it draw forth that feral “devil” that Porco hasn’t seen in so long?

“Hey, want to talk to Bertolt?” Porco asks.

At first, Porco thought it was odd that only Pieck and Zeke were sent off on a mission. Then it occurred to him that both Bertolt and Reiner were around as emergency measures against Eren. If Eren were to suddenly lash out as a titan, then the only thing the Marley can do is send other titans to defend them. It also means, of course, that he isn't being trusted.

If Eren ever transforms without any explicit orders, Porco is pretty sure he and his family will all be marked for death.  So he supposes he's pretty lucky that Eren looks to have zero knowledge about any of his titan powers, healing included.

Eren must have recognized Bertolt's name. Or perhaps it's more that he knew what Porco's asking?

Because Eren's body is rigid.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to. But I wanted to give you that choice. Do you want to face him?”

Eren looks like he’s thinking very hard about this. Porco just barely resists the urge to touch Eren and offer a head pat or a shoulder squeeze as encouragement. He doesn’t want to influence Eren’s decision by doing something like that. It’ll be better to let Eren decide for himself what he wants.

Slowly, Eren turns to Porco with a determined look in his eyes. 

Even though he doesn’t say anything, Porco understands what he wants for once.

“Okay. I’ll bring him.”

*

Maybe he gave Bertolt too much credit.

In order to not scare Bertolt off, Porco didn’t mention anything about Eren. He asked to meet him in the room, implying something or other about something he saw in Ymir’s memory. Bertolt enters the room nervously, probably terrified of whatever Porco might say. He freezes when he sees the two of them for maybe about three seconds. Then he’s bolting away from there as if being chased by hell hounds.

The first to react is Eren. 

To be honest, with how quickly Eren runs after Bertolt, Porco guesses Eren figured that’s what Bertolt will do. He doesn’t even seem all that bothered by the shackles. Did he already figure out how to run with it on? Jeesh, way to render the Marley’s security system useless so easily.

It takes Porco a few more seconds to finally get his body into gear to chase after them. And already, they are both halfway down the hall and have started to turn around the corner.

Damn it. What the hell was he thinking? He shouldn’t have let Eren run off like that. Especially not in Marley territory. If anyone sees Eren give chase (especially to one of the “Heroes” from Paradis), they’ll assume the worst about Eren. Then it’s a matter of either the soldiers shooting Eren or them reporting to Magath and Calvi. Either way, Eren won’t be allowed free for long, especially if they realize the shackles no longer get in Eren’s way.

Please catch up to Bertolt safely, Porco finds himself begging in his head. Please don’t attract any attention. Please-

His wish wasn’t selfish enough.

Or perhaps it’s more that he’s too naive when it comes to human relation?

But all thought fly out the window when he finally finds Bertolt and Eren after the turn around the corner. Not because Bertolt is crying and begging. Not because Eren is violently lashing out. Not because the two of them are talking in that awkward way that Bertolt does and that broken way Eren does.

No.

But because Bertolt is kissing Eren.

Porco only realizes that he’s moved when he sees Bertolt’s shocked eyes lock onto him. He has pushed Bertolt back and away from Eren. One of his arm is behind him, holding Eren just to assure himself that Eren is still there. He keeps Bertolt in front of him, his teeth bared like he’s the feral child.

And oh.

Is he angry?

But why?

Bertolt stares blankly at Porco for a second longer before his face turns pink. 

“I-it’s not… I-I didn’t mean…” Bertolt stammers as he covers his mouth. “O-oh… I-I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize… H-hah… I should have realized that it’s like that. I… I’m sorry. I misunderstood. I-”

“Speak clearly if you want to ask for forgiveness,” Porco growls, surprising himself yet again by just how furious he feels.

Bertolt flinches. “R-right. I’m sorry. I… B-because Eren chased me, I… I acted without thinking. I-I didn’t mean anything by it. I just…” 

“You moved without thinking to kiss Eren,” Porco reiterates.

There’s a look in Bertolt’s eyes that Porco has no idea how to read. No, that’s not true. It’s not that he doesn’t know how to read it. It’s that he doesn’t want to read it. He doesn’t want to know about Bertolt’s and Eren’s… About what they used to mean to each other before the betrayal, before Eren lost his-

“I…” Bertolt stills for a second before he turns to glare at the ground. “What the hell would you know? I don’t need to justify myself to you, Porco.”

How strange. Porco doesn’t think he’s ever seen Bertolt angry before. Not even in Ymir’s memory. Is this a side to Bertolt that is drawn out by Eren? The split-second anger that’s fueled by guilt?

Bertolt’s expression takes on that of uncertainty when he looks at Eren. “F-for what it’s worth. I am sorry. Eren, I… No, it’s nothing.”

Porco gives Bertolt few more seconds to get out of there. Then he gives himself some more time to think about what just happened. 

Ymir’s memory mentioned that Bertolt and Eren had been…  _ together. _ But he didn’t think too much of it, given the circumstances. That much is clearly his own fault. But how the hell was he supposed to expect this? Bertolt had always been the nervous, shy kid. Hell, he couldn’t even properly speak to Annie without blushing and someone else playing interference. 

How was Porco supposed to know that he’d just… kiss Eren in the middle of a hallway like that?

“Okay?”

Porco slowly turns to Eren, who is biting his lips. He looks so uncertain of himself. Like he’s still trying to process what just happened. Does he even remember Bertolt and what they meant to each other? Is that why he looks so confused? Or does he not remember anything? Did his memory disappear along with his ability to comprehend language? Eren, just what the hell goes through that head of yours?

“I’m okay. What about you? Did he… hurt you in any way?”

Eren opens his mouth but then closes it tightly. Does he not understand what Porco just said? Or is he having trouble forming words again? But it’s just an easy question about whether or not Eren is okay. Why the hell is he struggling so much with it? Especially when he didn’t struggle against Bertolt’s kiss. 

The anger he felt earlier seems to return full-force. And before he can stop himself, the hurtful words are out of his mouth.

“I can’t understand you if you don’t talk to me.”

He knows that it’s not on purpose. He knows that Eren struggles to put words together and to say it out loud. He knows that there’s no need for his anger and frustrations right now. Hell, he’s not even sure what right he has to feel so angry. If anything, it should be Eren who feels confused and angry and scared, isn’t it? He just got randomly kissed by his old flame. 

But just because he knows all these things doesn’t make his anger lessen. 

“You… You don’t even try! No matter how hard I try to reach out and understand you, you never return the favor. It’s ‘hard’ to form words? Well, of course it is! Why wouldn’t it be? Whether your head is fine or not, it’s always hard to communicate! But when you slam the door shut on your own like that, how the hell is anyone supposed to understand? Why can’t you put in just an ounce of effort?”

Eren reaches for Porco, probably trying to comfort him. But Porco doesn’t want it.

He doesn’t feel like he deserves to be comforted. He shouldn’t be saying these things. Even if Eren doesn’t understand, it doesn’t take the sting of his anger out of his words. Eren will most definitely remember the emotions of this moment like how he refused to forgive Colt for the longest time. 

He slaps Eren’s hand away. 

“Don’t touch me. Don’t comfort me. I don’t want it.”

The hurt in Eren’s eyes feels like a dagger in his heart. And it makes no sense whatsoever. Why the hell does he feel like this? He’s the one who made Eren make that expression. He’s the one who purposefully said those things. He’s the one who is pushing Eren away right now.

So why the hell does he hurt when he has no right to?

“W-wait…” Eren stammers out.

Porco doesn’t mean to glare at Eren. He doesn’t mean to keep hurting Eren like this. But the anger keeps swirling inside of him, threatening to lash out in the only ways he’s ever known how. 

And maybe he is wrong.

Maybe he should have let Bertolt and Eren be. Because Bertolt clearly knows how to handle Eren. Bertolt clearly knew what he was doing when he kissed Eren. And it’s not like Eren pulled away from Bertolt or struggled or anything. So maybe, all this time Porco was fooling himself and he should’ve just let Bertolt and Eren ride off into the sunset or whatever other nonsense!

And that’ll be better, right, Eren? Much better than this uncertain future that’s waiting for him if he stays with Porco. Much better than-

Eren’s fist makes contact with Porco’s face. 

Before Porco can steady himself or even move to counter, another punch lands. And then another and another. Until Porco finds himself on the ground with Eren straddling his middle, raining down punches without any sign of mercy. The only thing Porco can just barely make out is the fury in those green eyes. 

The livid anger that used to be saved just for the “Heroes” of Paradis is now aimed at just him.

And isn’t this hilarious?

Even though their words fail them, they can still communicate like this.

Like they’re both some kind of beasts that only know how to hurt.

“Eren! Stop! You’re… you’re going to get in trouble!”

Reiner.

It takes Porco a few seconds to realize that Eren is no longer on top of him, punching him. And by the time that realization sinks in, he slowly pushes himself up to figure out what happened.

Reiner has Eren held close so that Eren’s back is flushed against his chest. He has each of Eren’s hands in his own, crossed in front of Eren’s chest to minimize struggle. But to be honest, it doesn’t look like he’s struggling that much. Like he’s accepted that he can’t win against Reiner. It looks like Reiner is whispering something to Eren. From where Porco is, he can’t hear anything. Or is that just the blood rushing through his ears?

He wishes he knew what was said. Because suddenly, Eren’s body goes limp. The fight and anger is all but gone from his body as he cries and cries and cries.

Porco watches in disbelief as Reiner maneuvers around so that he’s holding Eren chest-to-chest now, letting Eren cry into his chest. All the while, Reiner whispers sweet nothings that Porco can’t quite make out. But he sees Reiner press small kisses on Eren’s hair and forehead.

If Bertolt and Eren were together, then what the fuck is this? 

Hey, what the hell were the three of their relationship?

But apparently Porco is more of a coward than he ever gave himself credit for. He can’t bring himself to ask such a simple question.

Instead, he finds himself watching Eren cry himself to sleep in Reiner’s arms.

*

He hates this. 

He absolutely hates this.

But he allows Reiner to carry Eren in his arms to get home. 

His mom has a frozen smile on his face when she sees the three of them. But she mercifully doesn’t say anything. Instead, she offers Reiner a meal, which he declines politely. Good. If he hadn't, Porco would have done it for him.

The three of them head to Porco’s room. And Porco stands there, absolutely hating this, as Reiner puts Eren on Porco’s bed. Reiner strokes Eren’s hair, a soft smile on his face that makes Porco want to gag. Wasn’t this guy supposed to be in love with Historia? What? Now that she’s dead, he’s making moves on Eren? 

Or is Porco just coming up with these horrible theories because he’s…? He’s? What the hell is he feeling aside from blinding anger and hate? And for that matter, why does he hate this so much? Sure, it’s Reiner. And that alone justifies all hatred in the world. But it can’t be just that. This feels a little more… More? 

“Porco, how much do you know about what happened on that island?”

“More or less everything.” 

He says that as casually as he can, pretending that he’s not accusing Reiner. But it seems Reiner knows him far better than he ever gave credit for. Because Reiner’s smile turns self-deprecating.

“Good,” he says with a firm nod. “Then I don’t have to shy away. Porco, what are your intentions towards Eren?”

That question again? Why the hell does everyone want to know so badly? Joke’s on all of them. He doesn’t have any. If they wanted a plan, they should’ve worked harder to keep Marcel alive.

“Why does that matter?”

Reiner looks shocked like he didn’t expect that. He taps his chin, pretending like he’s some kind of a brainiac when his plans are just as shitty as Porco’s.

“I just… with how much care you’ve been putting into taking care of Eren, I thought you would want to free him.”

Of course, he does. But he’s not so stupid that he’ll just rush forward with whatever “grand” plan that comes to mind. Unlike Reiner who’s been on that island for so long, Porco has seen the consequences of half-baked plans shatter before the might of the Marleys.

“My, Reiner. It almost sounds like you care.”

Reiner snaps his mouth close with a clack. He looks like he’s been burned. Like he’s suffered a physical damage from such simple words. It makes Porco want to laugh. Because this little doesn’t compare to the pain that Eren felt when he realized that Reiner and Bertolt both betrayed him. This little is absolutely nothing compared to having the Armored Titan taken from him. Compared to learning that his brother is dead, killed by this girl that Reiner claimed was on their side.

“You are the last person I want to talk about Eren with. My intentions are my own. You have no right asking for it nor do you have any right to talk about freeing him.”

“If I don’t talk about it just because I don’t have the right, then who will? Bertolt keeps changing the topic when Eren comes up. Pieck won’t look at me. Zeke clearly doesn’t trust me. Colt has no idea what’s going on. I can’t bring it up to Eren because no one will let me get near him. So that leaves you. That leaves just you.”

Porco isn’t buying it. If Reiner thinks just because he suddenly pretends to care that Porco will roll over, then he has another thing coming. This isn’t just about Eren and what Reiner did. This is Porco’s own personal vendetta against Reiner for stealing the Armored Titan, thereby stealing Porco’s position by Marcel’s side.

“You really think  _ I _ will listen to you? After everything, you really think that I will-”

“I want to free him. For all the wrongs that I’ve done. For all the things I couldn’t say. For all the hurt I’ve inflicted. Porco, please help me.”

“Why should I?” Porco asks, crossing his arms in front of himself. 

Reiner looks like he’s at a loss of words from that. What? Did he really think Porco was such a good person that he’ll go along with whatever Reiner says? Did he forget just how petty Porco is? That’s hilarious, because wasn’t it Reiner who said this is exactly the reason why he was chosen over Porco?

“So you’d rather leave him to the Marleys?” Reiner whispers.

Why the hell is this guy looking so shocked for? 

“Safer than leaving him with you, don’t you think?”

Reiner flinches and looks down at the ground. Porco would’ve preferred it if he stayed there. But the dumb idiot looks back up to try again.

“Please work with me. I’ll clear the path. All you have to do is hold Eren’s hands and lead him out of here.”

Huh? W-wait a minute. This stupid guy isn’t thinking-

“I’ll destroy the Marleys. So just save Eren.”

There’s a beat of silence that stretches on between them. Then… 

“W-what the hell…? Hah… Hahahaha!” 

Porco bursts out laughing.

This is stupid. It’s so damned stupid that he can’t believe he actually got worked up over this. Who the hell is Reiner trying to kid? Destroy the Marleys? Is he stupid? Is he crazy? 

How?

How? How? How? How? How?

There is no way to destroy the Marleys. Marcel broke it down for Porco when they were much younger and he was still too naive to understand exactly how shitty this world is. 

“If we want to do something like that, we need more power than what we currently have.” Marcel sighed, staring up at the sky with a wry smile. “And once you start amassing power like that, the battles will start to escalate to become even more violent than before. In order to match your power, your enemies will create something even more destructive. And to counter that, you’ll end up trying to get something even greater than that. And on and on and on until there’s nothing left in the world. Mutual destruction, if you will.”

Just like how the rest of the world began to develop anti-titan weapons. 

Just like how Marleys decided to add the Founding Titan to their arsenal.

And if, as Eldians, they decide to rebel against the Marleys and destroy them, what the hell does Reiner think will be waiting for them? A party? A parade? Some random “higher up” who will pin a medal on his shirt and say some bullshitting nonsense about being “heroes?”

No.

What’s there is the rest of the world with their anti-titan weapons pointed at them.

It doesn’t matter if they defeat the Marleys. Unless they destroy all of the world, there’s no salvation for them. There’s no freedom for them. 

And in order to achieve such a freedom, they’ll end up suffering casualties beyond that of what they can take. 

Mutual destruction, just as Marcel said.

That is the shitty reality that they live in.

“Reiner,” Porco says. He fights to control his laughter so that he can scowl at the idiot. “Grow up.”

“But if we work together, we can-”

“We can what? Get bunch of people killed? Get our families and friends killed? And after you ‘destroy’ the Marleys then what? Where are you going to put Eren after you ‘save’ him? Are you going to drop him off back on Paradis and tell him to figure it out? Are you going to just abandon him to the rest of the world and walk away? Then you’ll call yourself a hero and pat yourself on the back, won’t you?”

Reiner stares at Porco like he’s looking at him for the first time. 

And maybe that’s because he is.

Because for Reiner, he’s only encountered Porco when he was being a petty little brat. Reiner has never met the Porco who spent all his time waiting for his brother and the other “Heroes” to return from Paradis. Reiner has never met the Porco who stayed under Marley’s control, year after year. Reiner has never met the Porco who decided on his own to help Eren without knowing anything.

For them, this might as well be the first time meeting.

Because Porco doesn’t recall a Reiner that was this glossy-eyed and idealistic. Reiner back then had been more haughty. Much more bratty. 

Or was that because Reiner thought he finally defeated Porco?

Or is the Reiner right now this naive because Eren is involved? 

“You disappoint me,” Porco says.

When it’s clear that Reiner can’t come up with a coherent response, Porco motions at the door.

“Leave.”

A second passes. And another. And-

Reiner stands up. “I… I just-”

“I don’t care. Leave.”

Finally, Reiner does. 

Porco slowly breaths out. He shakes his head, feeling so peeved that he got so swept up in everything. But in the end, this is just what it is. 

No one has any plans. They’re all just scrambling around, helplessly asking each other for help. But there is no help. There is no plan. 

There’s just this shitty reality that promises them nothing but ruin.

He turns to glance at Eren and pauses when he sees those green eyes locked onto him.

“How… long have you been awake?” he asks.

Eren looks away from him without an answer. So Porco sits down next to the bed. His hand hovers awkwardly over Eren’s hair before he pulls it back. 

He shouldn’t be that selfish. He’s the one who slapped Eren’s hand away.

“Hey, I… I’m sorry. You probably don’t want to see me, huh? Did you… want to go with Reiner? It’s not too late. I can go get him.”

There’s a small shake of the head that Porco wants to take as no. But he doesn’t want to assume. 

No, that’s not it.

It’s because he still feels upset.

It’s because he still feels petty.

It’s because, despite berating Reiner for needing to grow up, he never grew up either.

“I can’t understand if you don’t talk to me. Do you want to be with Reiner over me? Hey Eren, do you like Reiner?”

Slowly, Eren turns to look at Porco in disbelief. Green eyes shine in betrayal, and Porco doesn’t get it. 

“What?” he demands. “Just  _ talk _ to me!”

Porco said “talk.”

Like he doesn’t know how much Eren struggles to do that. 

Like he doesn’t know how frustrated Eren gets trying to figure out words.

Like-

Eren grabs Porco by the front of his shirt and yanks him forward.

Their lips crash into each other with a painful force. Their teeth clack, and their noses are crushed awkwardly. And just as suddenly, Eren shoves Porco back.

Defiant green eyes glares at Porco, challenging him. 

And… huh?

Huh?! 

What just happened?

W-why did it…? What was that? What does it mean? Wait. None of this is clicking in Porco’s head. He just doesn’t get it. What’s going-

Eren’s eyes soften. It’s not quite disappointment. Actually, isn’t that… exasperation? 

Huh? 

Eren’s exasperated at him? 

“W-wait a minute,” Porco says, holding his hand up.

Eren ignores him and grabs him by the front of his shirt again. But Porco is faster. He puts his hand over Eren’s mouth before Eren can yank him down for another… Another?

“Wait. Wait. Let me just… W-what’s going on? I don’t under-”

He yelps when he feels Eren’s tongue against his hand. He pulls his hand to safety, only to lose to Eren’s pull.

And oh.

Right.

This is a kiss.

Eren is kissing him.

It’s gentler this time. It doesn’t feel like a headbutt with their lips as their point of contact. It feels more like… like how a kiss should feel? Porco doesn’t actually know. This is the first time he’s ever done something like this. Felt something so warm and soft against his lips that wasn’t food.

That’s what it takes for everything to click.

Why he felt so angry when he saw Bertolt kiss Eren. Why he felt so anxious at the thought of Eren preferring Reiner over him. Why he felt so nervous at the thought of Eren meeting his family. Why he felt so embarrassed and shy when Eren undressed. Why he had been so concerned about saving Eren. Why he wanted Eren’s attention to stay on him and him only.

He likes Eren.

This time, when Eren releases him, Porco finds himself glaring at Eren. He’s certain that the effect is ruined because of his damned blush, though.

“You… You’re always so…”

Porco kisses him this time. Gently like their second kiss. But when his lips meet Eren’s, he realizes just how much he wants this. How much he wants to stay with Eren like this. How much he wants Eren.

And that’s just like him to realize what he’s feeling so late in the game.

He pulls back. “Are you sure you want me? I’ve… been nothing but mad at you. And I’m not… exactly a good person.”

Eren rolls his eyes. 

That means he gets it, right? What Porco just said? That means he understand? And it's not just Porco grasping at straws. Eren does like him back? As much as Porco likes him? And possibly more, because Eren must have realized his feelings much earlier than Porco did. Much earlier than…

“You,” Eren says, putting his hand against Porco’s chest, “saved me.”

Ah, how horrible. Eren is finally doing the one thing that Porco asked of him. Eren is talking to him. But the words sound so foreign in Porco’s ears. He can’t seem to understand what this means at all.

“I didn’t do anything. I didn’t save anyone. Eren, are you sure you don’t mean someone else? M-maybe you got your words mixed up.”

There’s that frustrated expression on Eren’s face again. He looks like he’s struggling to explain himself clearly. But then he must have gotten annoyed, because he hits Porco’s chest instead.

“Ow! What?”

Eren pouts at him before turning over so that his back is to Porco. 

And now he’s throwing a fit.

“Sheltered brat,” Eren had described himself. It’s also the same description that Reiner used when he mercilessly brought a rock down against Eren’s head. And now Porco can see exactly what they both meant.

“Pfft… Hahaha! Eren, don’t be so cute.”

There’s a soft sound that sounds suspiciously a lot like “Hmph!” Eren makes no move to look at Porco again. 

Porco feels his lips twitch into a grin as he reaches for Eren. 

This time, he allows himself to pull Eren close.

*

The two of them sit on the ground, using the bed as backrest. And Porco didn’t mean to. But somehow, he’s holding Eren’s hand as the two of them just… laze about. Eren rests his head against Porco's shoulder. Porco's humming some sweet nonsensical song he heard on the radio the other day. 

He knows that there are things that they should talk about. He knows that there are things that they need to take care of first. 

But this is nice.

Having Eren by his side, even if it’s something as holding his hand, is nice.

Even if they don’t speak, they’re still connected like this. 

Isn’t that enough?


	8. they would take me from your hand (or they would try, they would try)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it to this last chapter, I have nothing but insane respect for you, my dear readers. This is not only such a strange concept, but it's also a crack ship of all things. And instead of scoffing and walking away like a normal, sane person, you guys stayed until the last chapter. Thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to read this.
> 
> Even more so, thank you, [tatakaeren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tatakaeren/pseuds/tatakaeren), for being with me since chapter 1 with your lovely comments. It really encouraged me to know that there was someone who was reading this and enjoyed this as much as I had fun writing it. Thank you also to [dolta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dolta/pseuds/dolta) and [cifer66](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cifer66/pseuds/cifer66) for your lovely comments, too! 
> 
> They all gave me the push I needed to present this final chapter.
> 
> Warnings: Suicidal thoughts. Implied gruesome violence. Blatant disregard of how human brain works.
> 
> And a random note that I'm sure no one needed to know nor really cared all that much about: Bertolt has the key.

He was betrayed.

He was betrayed by the people he thought were his friends, his comrades. 

He was betrayed by this stranger who he knows to be his brother.

He was betrayed by his ideals and goals that clashed so terribly with the reality of the world.

He was betrayed.

So he gives up.

It’s easy.

It’s simple. It’s a relief. It’s so much better than the alternative. 

“Want me to tell you what I think will happen when we arrive in Marley?”

He takes advantage of their guilt.

He takes advantage of Reiner’s fragile mind.

He takes advantage of their shared past.

_ Kill me, _he thinks.

And Reiner, his most admired friend, his most sincere goal, his kindest love… Reiner moves to fulfill his wish.

_ “What the hell would you understand?! Eren, you lived a peaceful and quiet life! Why the fuck do I have to explain myself to a sheltered brat like you?” _

He thinks he might have been laughing. He thinks he might have been crying. He thinks he might have loved Reiner so much for finally granting him this. Because after all the betrayal and all the hate, this is the least you can do, right?

_ “What the hell are you doing, Reiner?” _

There’s no one he hates more than Zeke in that moment.

It wasn’t enough to ruin Grisha’s plan. But Zeke has to ruin this, too? And the minute he thinks that, he hates himself for being so petty. For being nothing but a brat. For being the exact reason why he ended up like this anyways. 

Because let’s be honest. He pushed them there. 

Just like Grisha pushed Zeke to his breaking point. Just like Kruger pushed the Eldian Restorationists to their breaking point.

All he did was repeat the previous Attack Titans’ mistakes. 

He unknowingly pushed these two further and further into the corner until they had no choice but to lash out like this. To betray him like this. Because what else could they do? They’re just children. They’re all just dumb children who have absolutely no idea what to do about the rest of the world that hates them for existing. 

And if it hadn’t been for him, Mikasa and Armin and everyone else of the Survey Corps would never have suffered the way they did. They wouldn’t have to die like that. Forgotten in titan territory, so far away from the safety of the walls. 

If anything, the problem is himself.

As long as he doesn’t exist, everyone will be fine.

So he gives up.

Zeke assumes it’s Reiner. Zeke and everyone assumes it’s Reiner’s fault. 

But it isn’t. 

It isn’t.

Because to blame it all on Reiner is to look down on his own efforts. It means ignoring his own choices. His freedom. And damn it, he has a will. He knows what is waiting for them in Marley, and he made this choice. 

If a titan shifter has the ability to heal themselves, can they heal with something obstructing their way?

He thinks Bertolt noticed, because he’s the only one who believes with all his heart that Eren lost his capability for language, that Eren’s mind isn’t quite right. Everyone else suspects that he is playing them. Everyone is waiting for him to reveal that he’s pretending.

But Bertolt helps hide it.

Bertolt, that stupid flunkie who is always so damned sweet. Why didn’t he just tell Eren to shut up? Why did he let Eren get so close, when he knew that there was nothing but tragedy down this road? Why did he force himself to drown in his own guilt while Eren went on swimmingly fine? Why did he have to turn Eren into a child, into a screaming mess? When from the beginning, the one who had been hurt the most was Bertolt?

After his sweet Reiner cracked his head open, he put his key there. 

He hid it. 

And Bertolt, ever the dutiful lover, wrapped Eren’s head in bandages without mentioning the key once to anyone.

One, two, three.

They worked together without ever exchanging a word about their plans. Without ever wondering about each others’ motives. He’s certain that they would never have helped him if they knew what he wanted. Or maybe they would have?

Maybe they were so damned guilty that no matter what Eren demanded of them, they would give in? 

They always did spoil him rotten.

And to these sweet people. To these kind people. To these wonderful and guilt-ridden people… 

To these godawful monsters that betrayed him… 

He lashes out.

Mindlessly. Aggressively. Explosively.

The “feral” child who has lost his mind. 

Because he’s given up.

It’s so much easier like that!

He doesn’t have to think. He doesn’t have to reason. 

All he has to do is snarl a little and lash out. And they treat him like a wild beast. They treat him like a monster. 

They treat him like a devil.

They chain him up and gag him. They lock him up inside a cage. They beat him when no one else is around. They yell verbal abuse that he no longer recalls, no longer has the capability to recall.

So he plays it up. He fights. He struggles. He draws blood all over himself and laughs.

And laughs and laughs and laughs.

There are few naive idiots who thinks that he isn’t all that bad. So he makes sure to prove them wrong. He goes along just enough to put their guards down and then he lashes out.

This has to be enough, right?

Isn’t this enough to show that he’s unusable? That he’s completely useless? That there’s no way to control him?

Hey, why won’t anyone kill him already?

He gives up.

He gives up counting the days.

He gives up keeping track of who comes to visit him.

He gives up thinking. 

He gives up waiting for someone to kill him.

He gives up.

_ “It’s too terrifying to put into words.” _

Bertolt.

He heard Bertolt.

He heard the person that he knows will give him relief. Because Bertolt helped him before. He helped with… With…? Eren can’t remember. But he knows Bertolt is important. If it’s Bertolt, he… 

He? 

The problem with giving up is that he lost a lot more than he thought he will.

What was it that Bertolt did? What was it that Eren wanted to ask of him? What was it now-

_ “Keep your promise and kill me.” _

That. 

That’s what it was.

He forgot.

He forgot.

He forgot.

He wants to die. He wants Bertolt to help him with that. He wants-

Don’t leave! Don’t leave! Damn it, Bertolt! This is why you are nothing but a flunkie. This is why Eren never wanted anything more than few kisses. This is why… 

Oh. That’s right.

He forgot again.

Bertolt betrayed him.

There is no way that Bertolt will help him. Why will he ever help him? Bertolt is on the side of Marleys and Marleys are the bad guys. Bad guys? No, that isn’t right. There’s something not quite clicking in his head. What is it now? What is it?

What more did he forget?

What more…

He realizes that there is someone else in the room. How long has this person been in here? Who is this person? Were they always here? 

_ “I’ll just… go home for today.” _

Stop.

Wait.

Don’t go.

Don’t leave him alone.

It’s so scary here alone. It’s so terrifying what else he might forget if left alone. 

And he’d rather the company of someone that he doesn’t recall, doesn’t know who it is, over being alone.

But it’s hard to yell out with this gag in his mouth. It’s hard to explain himself when he’s been forbidden to speak. 

He watches as the person leaves.

He gives up.

He starts taking note of this person. 

This person randomly comes in to see Eren. And after a bit, Eren realizes that no, it’s not random. This person is coming in every day.

Every day, this person walks in with a book in his bag.

Every day, this person sits in front of the cage to read it. Slowly and carefully, showing each word to Eren like Grisha used to.

Every day, this person gives a half-hearted smile like he doesn’t really want to leave. Like he doesn’t want to abandon Eren alone in his cell.

Sometimes, Eren hears the words this person says. Other times, he sees the person move his mouth but cannot register any sound. Few times, the words the person says actually holds meaning.

Who is this person?

Why is this person here?

How long has this person been doing this?

How does this person fit into the grand picture of everything?

At first, he’s curious.

Then he’s confused.

And then he gets angry.

How dare you? Who do you think you are? Why are you doing this? Who even are you? Why do you keep coming back? Why does his heart ache when you leave? Why did he begin to count down the time until you return? What is this strangely stuffy flutter in his chest? Why does every little thing about you make him… Make him…? 

_ “It… will make me happy if you missed me, even if it’s just a bit.” _

Oh.

That’s what it is.

It’s “happy.”

This feeling in his chest. This feeling in his heart. This feeling that leaves him so light-headed. This feeling he hasn’t felt in such a long time. Can’t recall feeling in a long time. 

This feeling that this stupid person keeps inspiring in him. 

It’s “happy.”

_ “D-don’t bite me this time, okay?” _

He can’t remember.

The words he wanted to say. The anger he wanted to feel. The plea that had just been at the tip of his tongue. The swirling emotions he felt. The questions he wanted to ask.

What was it? What did he want to say? What was it that he wanted to convey?

“C-come back… s-safely.”

That’s not it. That’s not it at all.

The gag is finally off, but he finds that he doesn’t know how to speak. Can’t remember how to talk. Can’t remember the words that has been burning in his heart. 

But he doesn’t take it back. Doesn’t know how to take it back.

Not when the person’s hand is so kind, so gentle against his cheeks. Not when the person’s eyes are so sweet, so delighted. Not when this person’s every gesture leaves Eren breathless and wanting…

Wanting?

He thought he gave up. 

He thought he wanted to die.

But it seems there was a small part of him that clung to life. That became so easily convinced by the perseverance of a single person.

Oh, he realizes.

It isn’t that he wanted to die. 

It’s that he wanted to be saved.

He doesn’t give up.

It almost breaks him when that person stops coming.

When that person suddenly disappears just as quickly as he appeared. 

That person.

That person…

_ Porco. _

He laughs when he first puts that name together with the person.

Finally. Finally.

He has a name for the person who stopped by every day. A name for the person who read to him. A name for the person who forcibly involved himself into the mess that is Eren Jaeger, even though he didn’t have to. A name for the person who was so gentle, so kind. A name for the person who, when Eren gave up, stretched his hand and gave him hope.

A name for the person who saved him.

So Eren waits.

He waits.

And waits.

And waits.

Until one day, his eyes catch sight of Porco’s grin. His ears catch hold of Porco’s laugh.

_ “You miss me? Because I missed you quite terribly.” _

He refuses to give up.

Yes, it’s easier if he gives up.

Yes, it’s easier. It’s simpler. It’s so much more relaxing.

But he likes the look in Porco’s eyes. He likes the way Porco smiles. He likes the way Porco cups his cheeks. The way Porco ruffles his hair. The way Porco’s voice holds just a bit of laughter. The way Porco’s touch always seem to linger. 

The way Porco hugs him tightly, making Eren’s heart threaten to beat out of his chest. So loud that he thinks he’s hearing a stuttering echo. 

No… Not quite. 

Not an echo. Not a stutter. 

Oh.

Is it Porco’s?

This moment would have been perfect if only he knew what Porco said.

So he can’t give up.

Recently, it’s been hard trying to understand the words Porco says. Well… That’s not quite right. It’s not just Porco. 

The words that are being spoken around him. Even when he tries really hard to focus, he can’t quite make it out. Sometimes, if he works extra hard, he can make out a word here or there. But it always leaves him with a terrible headache.

He feels like it used to not be like this. 

He feels like he used to be good with words. Good with speaking and understanding.

He feels like it wasn’t always this hard.

He feels like there’s something he can do to easily fix this.

There’s something that he’s forgetting… 

_ "Yeah, you're really, really good! I'm proud of you." _

For Porco, he decides to push through.

For Porco, he decides to focus as hard as he can, fuck headaches.

For Porco, he decides to pick one or two words to really remember, because that’s easier than trying to piece together sentences.

That brilliant smile on Porco’s face whenever Eren says something or understand something is so absolutely breathtaking. That shine in Porco’s eyes is so gorgeously stunning. That soft, almost breathless laugh that just barely escapes Porco’s lips is so-

He can’t give up.

It feels like he’s forgetting more and more as the days go by. 

It’s frustrating. It’s maddening. It’s infuriating.

Unless he has a physical reminder of whatever in front of him, he can’t remember.

Until Reiner and Bertolt stood in front of him again, he didn’t remember them. Remember that they helped him. That they loved him.

That they betrayed him.

Until he sees Pieck again, he didn’t remember who she was. 

Until he sees Zeke again, he didn’t remember who he was.

Until he saw the pictures of his dad again, he didn’t remember who that was.

Who anyone was.

He forgot.

He forgot.

He forgot.

Then isn’t it just a matter of time until he forgot Porco, too?

Just as his grasp on the language seems to fade away, his memory is, too. 

His memory is falling apart, crumbling, shattering. Then isn’t it just a matter of time before he…

He?

He feels like he should feel happy.

He feels like he should be celebrating.

He feels like this is something he’s been waiting for.

He just can’t remember what. Or why.

There’s nothing but horrific mounting dread in his heart. There’s nothing but a sinking realization that this can’t last. This happiness will be destroyed like…

Like?

What else did he destroy?

Or maybe it’s not that he destroyed it, but it was destroyed because he was there?

He can’t remember.

_ “Hey, want to talk to Bertolt?” _

Bertolt.

That’s someone important.

Someone he… he trusts? No. Not quite. Not quite trust but…

Ah.

Entrust.

He entrusted something to Bertolt.

What was it now?

What does Bertolt have that Eren needs back?

He can’t remember. He can’t recall. 

He forgot.

But if he faces Bertolt, maybe he can remember it. Like how he remembers things bit by bit when he sees those people.

That’s why he gives chase.

When Bertolt runs at the sight of him. When Bertolt looks so terrified. When Bertolt tries to dodge him.

Eren runs.

Give it back.

Whatever it is that Eren entrusted to him. Give it back.

Give it back.

“Bertolt! Help… me!”

Maybe it wasn’t clear?

Or maybe this is how you help people? 

Bertolt’s lips are against his own. But all Eren can think about is Porco. How would Porco’s lips feel? How would Porco feel? How would-

Ah.

He didn’t forget Porco.

Even though he wasn’t staring at Porco the entire time. 

Maybe, just maybe. 

This means that Porco is important to him, right? Someone so very important that Eren can’t forget. Mustn’t forget.

Will not forget.

Eren reaches for Porco and is shocked when Porco slaps his hand away.

Has he been fooling himself?

All this time, Eren struggled to remember, to recall words, to put words together all for the sight of Porco’s smiles, his praise, his laughter… 

But it couldn’t have been one-sided.

It couldn’t have been.

Eren felt Porco’s gaze locked on him, especially when he thought no one saw him.

Eren felt Porco’s smiles become warmer at the sight of him.

Eren felt Porco’s touches linger much longer than it needed to.

Eren felt Porco’s heart against his own.

And if Porco thinks that he can just run…

Eren throws the first punch. And before Porco can properly defend himself, properly counter, Eren punches and punches and punches and-

You’re not Bertolt. You don’t get to run from Eren.

You’re not Reiner. You don’t get to betray Eren.

You’re not the special people in Eren’s heart that died. That all disappeared. 

You are the one who reached out to Eren when he…

Ah, that’s right.

He wanted to die.

He wanted to die and Porco reached out.

When the world collapsed around him and he wanted to die, Porco gently held his cheeks and told him…

Ah shoot.

He forgot.

What was it that Porco said then? 

What was it that Porco promised him?

He doesn’t remember.

But he remembers Porco’s touch. He remembers Porco’s smiles. He remembers Porco’s solemn expression as he promised something. 

He remembers Porco saving him.

He remembers Porco.

Hey, isn’t that enough?

Porco, isn’t that enough?

He hasn’t given up.

“I love you, Eren. I love you. You probably don’t remember this. But I do. I’ve always loved you. And that’s why you have to trust me, okay? I love you, so I’ll never hurt you. That’s why you have to heal yourself. No matter how scary it is, no matter how hurt you are, no matter how much you want to give up. You have to heal. Because… Porco’s waiting for you, right? So Eren, it’s fine, right? Do it for him.”

If you ask Eren how it got to this, he can only shrug and say he forgot.

If he strains, he thinks he recalls something vaguely about asking Bertolt for help.

If he really strains, he thinks he recalls Reiner and Bertolt waiting for them in the early morning.

Faintly, he thinks he can make out the sound of Porco struggling against Reiner’s hold.

Faintly, he thinks he can make out the fear in Bertolt’s eyes as he holds up a gun.

Faintly, he thinks he feels a strange sense of relief.

“Ready?” Bertolt asks, his voice breaking.

For a pair of traitors, they sure are kind.

… Huh? Traitors? Who are…? 

“Eren!”

He…

The sky is so endlessly blue. There’s not a speck of cloud up there. How strange. The sky above Marley look the same as the sky above Paradis. 

Hey dad, did you ever take the time to notice that? 

That, in the end, they’re all stuck in the same shitty world? 

Eren closes his eyes and slowly breaths out. 

The air here feels the same as the air inside of the walls. It stinks of hypocrisy and corruption. No matter where he goes, that’s never going to change, is it?

He feels someone hover above him. And ha. How strange. Even without looking, he knows exactly who it is.

“Hey… you okay?” Porco asks.

Eren opens his eyes and sees Porco’s worried expression looking down on him. 

He never noticed the color of Porco’s eyes before.

He never noticed how Porco’s brows seem almost permanently furrowed. 

He never noticed that Porco’s lips are always pulled into a scowl unless he’s smiling for Eren.

Haha! And to think Eren for even a second believed Porco might not want him back.

Eren reaches up and pulls Porco down so that their foreheads touch.

“My name is Eren Jaeger. I’m… not at all innocent and naive as you might have been led to believe. But because you were here, I was able to get this far. I can’t promise you happiness. I’m not even sure if I can promise anything, to be honest. But until my dying breath, I swear to love you and treasure you. So uh… w-what I mean is… t-that is-”

Porco silences him with a kiss.

“Turns out you’re just as bad with words whether your mind’s healed or not, huh?” Porco teases with a grin. “Eren, I’m Porco Galliard. I have every intention of making you happy. Until my dying breath, I will love you and treasure you.”

Eren giggles and kisses him again.

And again.

And again.

And-

“Okay, we get it. You guys love each other very much. But we need to get going or we’ll be late in welcoming back Zeke and Pieck.”

Right. The traitors.

Well, that’s not fair.

Bertolt and Reiner had their own circumstances, too. 

Porco takes the chance to help Eren slowly up to his feet. Eren’s body feels stiff. He wonders how long he’s been out, trying to heal himself. It couldn’t have been that long. But seeing that the other three doesn’t have any marks on them, he wonders if maybe they all long finished healing before he did.

Now that he thinks about it, where's the key? Is it lost somewhere in the grass around them? He feels like that's rather fitting. The key that stood as the answer to all the world's mystery. The key that he hid to make himself useless to the Marleys. The key that is lost now that he has decided for himself in that lost state of mind… 

Hah. Maybe he isn't fully alright as he believed, if he can't quite figure out what he wants to say.

“For now, it’ll be smarter to pretend that your mind isn’t healed in front of the Marleys,” Bertolt advises.

“Think you can do that?” Reiner asks.

Eren glances at Porco, who looks like he is still uncomfortable near them. Faintly, he wonders if while he was healing, Porco fought against the two of them and won. Or perhaps Bertolt and Reiner allowed him to win? Or maybe the fighting stopped so they can finally explain to each other what is going on?

“You’ll back me up, won’t you?” Eren asks sweetly.

Both Bertolt and Reiner blush and look away, surprising him. Huh? What’s with them? They typically respond to a request like that with exasperated sighs and head ruffles.

Oh.

Is it because Porco’s hand is in Eren’s own?

Is it because Porco’s lips are drawn back into a snarl at them?

Is it because Porco looks like he might lash out against them at any minute?

Maybe that’s why Porco reached out.

Maybe that’s why Porco couldn’t leave Eren alone.

Maybe that’s why Porco saved him.

They’re both quite feral, aren’t they?

Eren squeezes Porco’s hand and grins when he receives a suspicious glare from Porco. There’s a light laugh in the air that Eren realizes belatedly is from himself.

“Let’s face it together.”

And so they do.

_ Fin. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Well, obviously, we can’t trust Colt,” Reiner says.
> 
> Porco shakes his head. “Colt is a lot more trustworthy than you.”
> 
> “You’d force him to choose between his family and us?”
> 
> Damn this guy for always trying to put words in Porco’s mouth-
> 
> “If Porco says we can trust him, we can trust him,” Eren says calmly. Porco gives him a grateful smile.
> 
> “Pieck will be useful to have on our side. Besides, I doubt we can hide it from her for long,” Bertolt adds, changing the topic.
> 
> “And that leaves…”
> 
> Eren frowns uncertainly. “I don’t know. Can I trust Zeke? The last time he was trusted, he sold his parents out to the Marleys.”
> 
> Because of how implicitly Eren seemed to trust Zeke, Porco didn’t think that would be his train of thought. Isn’t it obvious to everyone where Zeke stands on this topic? 
> 
> He pokes Eren’s cheek to get his attention.
> 
> “He’s your brother. We can trust him.”
> 
> Or maybe it’s just that Eren wanted that confirmation?
> 
> Because Eren’s smile looks much brighter than Porco thought it would look. Is he relieved? Because Porco wants to trust Zeke? Jeesh, and Eren dares to lecture at Porco for not knowing how he feels. Aren’t you the same, Eren? 
> 
> “By that logic, we should trust all of our families because they’re related to us,” Reiner grumbles.
> 
> Eren doesn’t seem to have heard. He just lightly touches his shoulder with Porco’s with a soft, “Thanks.”
> 
> Porco’s cheeks feel warm. His chest feels warm. In fact, it should be fine if he were to-
> 
> Bertolt’s hand stops Porco from leaning in any further towards Eren. With a fake smile on his face that’s clearly hiding his annoyance, he brings the topic back.
> 
> “Alright. That means all the Warriors are trustworthy. Is that really okay with you, Eren?”
> 
> “What’s the worst that can happen? You guys betray me again?” 
> 
> Porco holds Eren’s hand and give it a little squeeze. “If they do, I’ll help you tear them apart.”
> 
> The two of them grin over Bertolt and Reiner’s groans.
> 
> And just a little, Porco feels like the tragedy waiting for them in the future doesn’t seem as daunting to face.


End file.
